Session 35 - X-Tinction Agenda
Things are beginning to go poorly for all sides. Pho Sho is desperately trying to manage the Imperial threat without his former compatriots screwing things up. Everyone has wildcard in this game of poker, but who has the nuts?
Scruffy Nerfherders Full Episode
Originally aired: October 11, 2018
Podcast Edited by Case Aiken
Music: Purple Planet Music
Music: www.purple-planet.com
Certain Point Of View is a podcast network brining you all sorts of nerdy goodness! From Star Wars role playing, to Disney day dreaming, to video game love, we've got the show for you! Learn more on our website: https://www.certainpov.com
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⏱️ Chapters
00:08 Welcome and Intros
01:18 Introducing Arvis Reed
02:30 Introducing Phallus Vag Killer
03:12 Hu Flung Dung Returns
05:25 Introducing Stembolt
05:48 Case and the Recap Roll
07:09 Hu Flung Dung’s Recap
08:13 The Scouting Mission
09:49 Battle at Cardor
10:31 Hu Flung Dung’s Rousing Speech
11:51 Phosho Takes Command
13:10 Reinforcements Are Cut Off
14:35 Turning Imperial Troops Against the Empire
16:21 Klebold Checks In
17:39 The Warnocks Take Flight
18:15 The Battle Begins
19:49 Retreat into the Village
20:33 Entering Klebold’s Territory
22:06 Back Through the Underground Passage
23:21 Going Deeper
25:14 Reaching the Colony Ship
26:48 A Plan to Destroy the Star Destroyer
28:04 Turning the Colony Ship Into a Weapon
29:39 Remembering the Actual Mission
31:19 Meanwhile, the Battle Gets Worse
32:55 Abandoning Cardor
33:51 Hu Flung Dung Orders the Retreat
36:32 TIE Fighters Find the Survivors
36:56 Klebold Reconsiders the War
38:05 Griff and the Revenants Deploy
39:09 Targeting the Killian Rangers
40:02 Klebold Considers Abandoning Kilia
41:03 The Susan Becomes the Priority
42:13 Sneaking Into the Colony Ship
43:18 Searching for Weapons
45:04 Arvis Starts Flipping Switches
46:08 Arvis Breaks the Ship
46:43 Checking for Life Signs
47:27 Repairing the Damage
48:30 Someone Is Coming
48:43 Hiding from Griff
50:09 Planning an Escape
52:00 The Survivors Return to House Fedor
52:37 Hunting for the Susan
53:28 Scouting the Killian Ranger Base
54:11 Ending the Session
54:36 Outro
55:06 Post-Show Freestyle
56:22 CPOV Tag
Transcription
00:00
Hey, welcome back.
00:01
Thank you.
00:02
What'd I miss?
00:08
Hey, Nerf Herders.
00:09
I'm Adi Thomas.
00:09
And I am Ben Milton.
00:10
I'm Corey Putnam.
00:11
I'm J. Mike Folson.
00:12
And I am Case Aiken.
00:13
Thanks for joining us for another episode of the Scruffy Nerf Herders, a Star Wars D20 story. We will continue our adventures in just a moment, but I want to remind you that you can partner up with Maria Monzon, who is a supporter of our show. And if you're looking for a good deal insurance, she handles. She. She works for Liberty Mutual and she handles life insurance, car insurance, home, auto, and a variety of other insurances, even certain types of business insurance. You can find all of that actually on our website, all of the services that she offers and our contact information. She's helped me personally for actually our business insurance, renters insurance, my car insurance. So already she has been a great asset to Certain Point of View and to myself as well.
00:59
So you can find all of that information on our website, certainpov.com also, when you're at our website, don't forget you can check out all of the other podcasts that are part of Certain Point of View. There is Certain Point of View Star wars podcast with me and Ben, the one that started all of this. Another pass.
01:15
The next. The next entry in our group, of.
01:18
Course, hosted by our very own Case Aiken, our dungeon master in this series. And then of course, we also have fun and games with Matt and Jeff, and they also have podcasts of their own as well. You can check out all of that on our website, certainpov.com let's go ahead and introduce all the characters that are part of this D20 adventure. I am Arvis Reed. I'm a bit of a country bumpkin. I. Well, I. I'm actually an actual herder of nerfs. And I've got swept up in this fight between the Empire and this dark side Uterf who I used to play but who's fallen. Obviously he's fallen to the dark side and. And now he's. There's this big civil war on this planet and things are just going to hell in a handbasket.
02:03
And I'm just doing my best to help these people who've become, you know, good friends. Some of them are a little bit more assholey than others, you know.
02:13
So why is everybody looking at me?
02:18
Oh, I think, you know.
02:20
Now who's the for breaking out the banner again?
02:26
Speaking of ban, I apparently am an.
02:30
I'm playing Phallus magic killer Human fringer. And part time. But also part time. Just really good friend to you guys.
02:39
Diplomacy.
02:40
Diplomacy.
02:44
Orange peanuts for me. Wow.
02:46
Orange peanuts.
02:47
In life, friendship is a check.
02:49
That's right. That's right.
02:52
I feel like we always have to.
02:53
Take moments to evaluate our friendships.
02:55
And sometimes there's nothing better than a D20 with a modifier.
03:00
Especially if you have a good charisma. Modifier. And if your friend has a good whiz modifier.
03:04
Right.
03:05
Yeah. So I kind of, like, live by the seat of my pants and by my wits. And I'm a survivor.
03:12
I'm a survivor. Hey, I am hu flung dung. Done. Who flung dung? And I don't know who. I don't know. No one knows. I am a gun soldier. And currently I'm playing a gun that is very confused and has so many emotions. Because, you know, it's like, did I go through the dark side or did the dark side go through me? You know, like, I'm just so confused.
03:36
There's all these voices.
03:38
Can you. Can you clarify something for me? So when you talked about so many emotions, do you feel you're trapped? And is it in a case that's made of glass?
03:49
Well, sometimes. Sometimes I just feel like I'm trapped in a closet. In this closet. Can't get out of the closet.
03:58
Well, I'm glad you have something to help create your next hit song.
04:03
Oh, no show in the closet.
04:07
And then I pull out my gun.
04:11
God. Oh, man. Yeah. So, hey, guys,.
04:23
Trapped in a closet reference. How many years after it?
04:26
Never too late for that. Never too late.
04:29
14 Years.
04:30
Always funny.
04:32
Oh, God. All right.
04:35
Yes. You go ahead.
04:38
Don't let us stop you.
04:39
Keep it really simple this time.
04:41
I will.
04:42
Okay. It went on a little too long last time.
04:50
Gotta appreciate this.
04:51
Okay.
04:54
One day I'll get it.
04:55
Okay, That'll be the last game we play.
04:59
You'll go for, like, half an hour.
05:01
Like so many men of his generation who died. And so, Saigon.
05:09
Why is everything Vietnam?
05:14
God, I don't know what to say now. I had something, but you just.
05:20
No, you didn't.
05:21
Well, as you know right now, you've heard so far.
05:24
All right.
05:25
My name is J. Mike. I am a Zabra tech specialist who gets along with everybody. It's a good friend to Ben here.
05:33
Who's Ben? You mean Thales?
05:35
Oh, it's that kind of party, huh?
05:37
Stop touching me.
05:38
Well, of course not. Least at all, in our group, we have the. The one who guides us along the paths through the forest.
05:46
Our dungeon master case.
05:48
Yes, yes. And like the forest, there. There must be balance in this whole thing. And so for us to move forward,.
05:55
We also must know what came before. And thus.
05:57
Can I have everyone roll a D20 for recap?
06:00
Oh man.
06:01
I got a 20.
06:02
Got a 9.
06:03
4 6.
06:06
Corey.
06:07
Okay.
06:08
Corey.
06:14
Addy.
06:14
Do you want him to do just last session or actually try to explain things?
06:18
No, just last session. We don't have enough time.
06:26
Well, just happened you were in the room.
06:29
You know, I'm having deja vu that I'm in this room. It's a basement, right? And there's five guys sitting around me asking me to do a recap. There's five of us that we just did.
06:38
He's including his other personality.
06:40
Hello.
06:40
He's having an out of body experience.
06:44
Looking down on myself.
06:45
Playing a game.
06:46
Playing.
06:47
Currently in his astral form in a.
06:49
World full of temptation.
06:51
Misa, are you doing?
06:53
He couldn't.
06:53
I'm just.
06:54
Alright, let's go. So I'm so curious about that movie.
07:02
You want to hear the rest of the trailer?
07:04
Where was this going?
07:06
Oh man.
07:08
How sad is he doing?
07:09
I. I don't know what happened. Okay. It's like. It's almost like I was gone for three months or three weeks or four weeks. And then I appeared in a field and I was leading an army. That's all I remember.
07:23
You know, he's got a good point. If he's really.
07:29
And I.
07:29
And I understand this as. As a fellow narcissist, I only pay attention to the plot points that apply to my character.
07:37
And even then not that much.
07:40
Tertiary. So really? He pretty much nailed that.
07:44
That is actually true. So should I pick another person?
07:49
If you ask all of us to give the intro, you might have a complete sense.
07:53
Yeah, Addie, distribute it since I'm J Mike.
07:56
Yeah, I mean can J Mike and.
07:59
Corey double team this one?
08:00
So like dude, we got this. Our powers combined.
08:03
It's not as jog each other's memory.
08:05
Okay, so we started out. Oh, shut up.
08:09
Because I don't want Thales revisionist version.
08:13
We started out going on a scouting party to see where the Empire was and to see how far were from the Temple. They were from the temple.
08:24
Wait, when the freak did we get ice cream? We didn't get ice cream. Seriously, Was I sleeping?
08:30
And then.
08:33
And then we saw the. The Imperial guards. They were watching a hologram with Mari Mara, Jade, Mary J. Mary Jane. Mary Jane.
08:47
Both redheads.
08:47
So. And so she said that.
08:52
And also Marriages Retcon out of existence.
08:54
Oh, my God.
08:55
Oh, my God.
08:57
They are the same person. You noticed. You've never seen them together at the same time?
08:59
No, that's true.
09:00
You haven't.
09:01
All right, let's carry on.
09:04
And so. And so they said that they were obliterating foe's forces on the ground. But as soon as they got close to him, they became under his force powers. And so we relayed this message back to the base.
09:18
Sphinx.
09:18
Sphinx.
09:19
Sphinx.
09:21
And then we set out to go see what was going on with foe. And then we ran to court. Or we heard Corey, and Corey was hearing voices in his head having another conversation without him.
09:33
Yeah,.
09:36
Okay.
09:37
Dude, man, you nailed it.
09:38
Still at the base?
09:39
No, we left.
09:40
No, you guys headed out.
09:41
Darn it. We had a wife.
09:43
You guys were playing with your pussies.
09:44
Yeah, I'll save that joke then. It's gonna be worth it when we get back.
09:49
So we're going to open outside of the village of Cardor, where Huflung Dung is Tauntaun mounted with the forces of House Fedor and the loyalist of Faucho. Across this large field, you see imperial tanks and troopers coming, like, out of the tall grasses. Let's give a rousing speech for your people as you're about to defend this village from the Empire, who is objectively bad. You hate the Empire in reality, so there's no conflict of your motivation from what you're being commanded to do.
10:31
We will not go quietly into the. We will not surrender without a fight. We're gonna live on. We're gonna survive. Today we celebrate our Independence Day.
10:47
I was hoping you'd ask what their professions were first.
10:49
Oh, now what do they do? Do they follow me? Or is everyone just confused?
10:55
Give me a diplomacy check.
10:56
Actually.
10:57
Ooh, ooh. Okay.
10:57
Uhoh.
10:58
This 10.
11:06
Oh, no.
11:08
They got revenue for. Not for their charisma.
11:12
Like, some of the people are like, kind of like. Yeah, those guys and other people are like this guy. The weird things facing out or leading us against other weird things.
11:24
And they seem to be able to.
11:26
Shoot us from a distance. What?
11:28
Cuz, like, all the.
11:29
All the loyalists have just, like, hand weapons. Like, some of them have bows, but there's no. Like, there's no blasters. It's like they're gonna get their asses.
11:38
Let me help you out with this.
11:39
It's a idea.
11:48
Really good at this.
11:50
With.
11:51
With Hoof. And give him some guidance in terms of what, like, what he should do, considering that you understand how, like, the Empire works. And like how like open like battlefield.
12:02
He's in trouble.
12:03
Oh, you some big fudu now. So, so I want you guys to.
12:13
Form a line in front. But while you're setting those troops out there, I want you to send. To pull the rest of your troops into the streets, up into. Into the buildings and hide them in whatever vantage points that they have wherever. Through the main. Along the main route that the Empire is going to have to come through. And you need to have them set up, ready to retreat from those spots as they get overwhelmed. Because what we're going to have you guys do is just strategically just keep on retreating and pulling back to the point where they'll fall under my influence.
12:49
But until then, so that you can preserve as many of these lives as possible, I want you to just keep on falling back and staying in positions where you guys can get protected and just keep on, since you have only, you know, spears and bows and arrows to just to. To attack from those positions and just keep on falling back further and further.
13:10
Fosho A like a guard comes up to you and goes, master Fosho. We've just received words that their metal birds have attacked our reinforcements that were sending north to the village of Cardor. All of them have been wiped out. Our connection to them has been cut off. We can't get reinforcements to who flung dung?
13:41
He's just looking at it with dead.
13:43
Eyes like, you son of a.
13:53
Do we have any of these town center ships that we can activate?
13:58
We have no idea how to do that, sir.
14:02
And I don't have any tech specialists. I'm not a pilot.
14:06
My. Myself.
14:07
You're fighting stormtroopers, like a lot of you are still going to survive.
14:15
Have any of the. The stormtroopers that are under my thrall right now. Are we able to know if any of them have skills to be able to. To. To activate some of these ships to repair and get them in order so that we can fight back against their. Their ships?
14:35
Yeah, you can interrogate them. This would actually be a gather information check.
14:42
Get information. Would you like to know more?
14:46
Would you like to play 19?
14:50
Yeah. So there are some weapons specialists amongst the stormtroopers who would be able to get that kind of thing. People who are good at hacking into security systems, people who are getting. Getting machines up and running. There are some amongst the groups that you have enthralled. The village of Cardor does not have like a ship in it. It's just a village. It's not like one of the major houses, but you would actually be able to get House Fedor up and running that way.
15:21
So I want to get House Fedora up and running, but I also want to send about how many Stormtroopers do I have under my control right now? Because I want to send some of them to try to break through and to. To Hoof.
15:34
Probably altogether you have about a legion.
15:36
Okay, I'll take just half of them. I don't want to spend all of them, but I want to spend half of them to break through and establish lines to. To Hoof and lines of support.
15:49
Sure.
15:50
Like one of the stormtroopers.
15:51
Yes, sir.
15:54
And breaks off like a group of the soldiers. And you see them going off north. And actually with some of their attack, you would have speeders and those kind of things as well. It's not in my line. So they just are traveling. It's not a thing. You're just gonna see them all of a sudden there. Klebold reaches out to you for sure.
16:21
What. What impediments are you facing?
16:24
We've. We've lost contact with. Well, I haven't lost my contact with Hoof, but we have lost lines of support to Hoof and its forces in car door right now. But we're re establishing them with. Now that we have more of the Empire's troops under our control, I am sending them into battle. We're coming continually luring more troops under our control. And Hoof is aware of the strategy to do so. I intend to spend more of the Imperial troops as fodder on the front lines of this fight. But right now our priority is re establishing lands of support for Hoof.
17:07
Yes. Yes. We must prevent the Emperor from taking us. Their presence here is an unfortunate, unforeseen.
17:21
Complication at the moment. They also have air superiority. So we are working on a solution to be able to defend and to contend with their air forces. Are there any tools that you have that you can empower us to be able to.
17:37
To.
17:37
To contend with these forces?
17:39
I will send the war knocks. They will at least be able to add some balance in the field of the sky.
17:51
Thank you, my master.
17:52
Yes. Yes.
17:56
It's funny. Last episode you were like, I got this. I don't need you.
18:00
But I know how to ask when I need help. Healthy boss and employee relationship. I'm gonna write a leadership book after this.
18:15
Cutting back to Hoof. Hoof is like not, you know, didn't do a great job of rallying his troops, but they're still all being mind controlled by the same.
18:31
What stand there.
18:32
All right, thank you.
18:35
But they're. But they're all being mind controlled by the same evil dictator. So yeah, they all go along with this whole plan of just marching at the stormtroopers. And yeah, most of them are missing. This is true.
18:48
Most of them are missing.
18:50
They're able to move in and actually engage in combat and this terrible fight actually occurs. Like there's all these like just blood flying, like all these humans and stormtroopers that are being controlled, charging against like other stormtroopers in the Imperial Guard. Are there just like hacking through.
19:07
Wait, they're charging at them?
19:10
Yeah, there's like lines of battle that escalated quickly.
19:15
David Hoof.
19:19
This is where I have a flashback when I was doing auditions for my new song. People in the audience started dying. They got this flashback.
19:29
I kind of want to know.
19:31
We need a.
19:31
We need a single episode of what. How that happened. His Gungan idol audition.
19:37
Why so many people died.
19:40
I never talked about it again.
19:44
So this was just like the defensive line being breached or rather.
19:49
Before they set up.
19:50
So like. And then they're like. The majority is like pulling back. And so like once the fight actually occurs and obviously you guys are outmanned and outpowered, it makes sense to pull back as much as possible into the city. So we'll cut from there. I really want to hear this story. To you guys. Or to Arvis, Phallus Stembolt and Slippery Jim riding Tauntauns into the territory of Klebold. You guys recognize the. Everything's getting kind of creepier.
20:33
The trees seem to be darker and more gnarled.
20:35
Everything has this sort of warped, slimy feel of the dark side growing about it.
20:44
This place is giving me the creeps.
20:47
You guys all look up and you hear the. The screams of war knocks flying above you.
20:54
We gotta get down, guys.
20:56
You guys are like in like sort of a light forest.
20:59
It's not.
21:00
This is like that movie you watched the.
21:03
The Lord of the Somethings, where those guys were hiding under and those things were flying over those. You had the little people, the midgets in there. I don't know if that's the right way to call them.
21:15
Definitely not.
21:16
Normally we call them jawas, my friend. Yeah, yeah, it is just like that.
21:23
That's a good, nice pull.
21:25
Yeah, Those things, they seem to be flying with purpose.
21:30
Yeah, they're definitely heading somewhere.
21:31
Yeah, they're heading north. I wonder if there's an aerial strike going against the Empire now.
21:37
Hope so.
21:38
Well, the further. The further away the better.
21:43
And actually this Might be good. Because if they're not here protecting whatever it is we're looking after, we might.
21:50
Be able to get a better look around.
21:52
Let's. Let's get in closer and find out.
21:54
Let's go.
21:56
So you guys continue on and.
22:01
Eventually you. You're forced to kind of go into.
22:06
That underground pass that you had to go through before.
22:09
It's considering that you went through recently and wiped out most of the threats that were there. Are really.
22:19
Grif.
22:19
Dead at the time.
22:21
Yeah, he's still here, isn't he?
22:23
He's dead.
22:23
No, he's not.
22:25
Oh, that's right.
22:25
He's not dead.
22:27
He's undead.
22:29
He's a zombie.
22:30
He's Arthas.
22:32
Oh, no.
22:33
I forgot all about him.
22:35
Balls you don't have.
22:38
I don't understand how you guys forget about these people who have crossed your path so often.
22:43
So many.
22:44
This was like across our paths. This is like a couple weeks ago.
22:47
You don't get to judge me, okay?
22:51
I remember the names of each and.
22:52
Every Nerf that I've heard it.
22:54
Yeah, that's because you them.
22:58
I did not. That is my cousin. He's the one with the lazy eye. You fucked your cousin? No, I did not.
23:07
Pretty sure you.
23:08
Quite the opposite, actually.
23:13
Take you for a bottle.
23:21
So you guys are able to all proceed mostly. Most of the dangers that you had encountered before have actually been cleared out and have not recovered. Remember, there was beasts and also dangerous foliage there. Generally, you're good. However, you also are not able to capture a warnock like you did before to fly up to it. So you are gonna have to proceed a little bit further in underground than you did before.
23:51
Okay, let's go a little deeper.
23:55
That's what she said.
23:58
The pathway kind of continues for a ways. It twists and turns, but you have remained quiet and you don't sort of encounter any sort of large creatures again. You do see the corpse of that out of Game Coruscanti ogre that you guys encountered before. I don't remember that either. Feel like you could go into a really, like, long story that you guys just like. I could just be making this whole thing up.
24:31
Okay,.
24:33
Cool.
24:34
It was like 15 episodes ago, but.
24:37
I definitely don't remember that.
24:39
Guys. Been a lookout for J5. He should be right.
24:42
My robot.
24:43
Oh, he should be around here somewhere.
24:45
About the damn robot, sir.
24:47
The robot did us no good.
24:48
He ain't never forget it.
24:49
You named him J5?
24:50
It's kind of like you and those Nerfs.
24:52
As in like the Jackson 5.
24:54
No. Okay.
24:56
The Jackson 5.
24:59
Yeah.
25:00
Cuz this.
25:00
This robot was definitely Tito.
25:02
It was like pointless.
25:04
There was no reason for that. Robot.
25:07
Sir Anthony,.
25:12
Continue.
25:14
Anyway, the corridor goes on and it takes you a few hours. It was definitely the fast way to go by wrangling those warnocks before. But now you eventually come to an opening where it emerges into the sort of valley space between these, like these tight cliffs as well as off along the way. You can see the crashed. The crashed ship that it was being used as the. The fortress for Klebold.
25:54
So that's. That's actually a crazy colony ship right there.
25:58
Yeah.
25:59
That's huge.
26:01
It is a big one.
26:03
It's big enough to be some sort of fortress by itself.
26:06
Kind of is, yeah.
26:08
This is a thousand years old. Lisa did not understand the. The enormity of the situation before, did we?
26:17
No, definitely not.
26:21
I'm not sure we understand it now.
26:23
I was your ancestors.
26:25
Your ancestors came on this thing.
26:28
They came aboard this thing, this mountain.
26:31
This was probably the flagship of whatever.
26:33
Fleet that came here.
26:36
Yeah.
26:36
It's a metal mountain, my friend.
26:38
It's a what?
26:39
A metal mountain.
26:40
Oh, a metal mountain.
26:41
Missile mountain.
26:43
It's probably got a few of those too.
26:45
I hope so.
26:46
Hey, yo.
26:48
That could be our distraction. Get off this planet.
26:51
I have a crazy idea, guys.
26:53
I do too.
26:53
Should we.
26:54
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
26:55
Should we destroy it?
26:56
Should we say it at the same time? 1.
26:57
2, 3. 1.
26:59
Self destruct.
27:00
3.
27:00
Destroy the star Destroyer.
27:01
Yes, yes. We have the same idea. Whoa.
27:06
That was. How did you do that?
27:09
My friend? My show tongue friend. I think that we might actually be coming to some sort of resolution.
27:15
Oh my God. Is this what it's like for you two all the time?
27:18
This is amazing. It's like we finish each other's sandwiches.
27:25
This feels like the plot to Pacific Rim 2 making love to the thing inside of his head.
27:31
Wait, what?
27:32
You never saw that?
27:33
No.
27:33
Yeah, yeah, that's pretty much it.
27:35
Right?
27:35
Wait, what?
27:36
Wait, did you not put it back?
27:41
It's fine, it's fine. I like the first one more, but this one had more of the things I liked, so it's.
27:49
It's fine.
27:50
Tune in on another pass.
27:54
I probably could go quite a bit.
27:56
On that one and.
27:57
Yeah, that'd be a fun one to do.
27:58
Yeah.
27:59
Back at the plot.
28:01
Certainpov.com meanwhile.
28:04
So yeah, you said.
28:06
Yeah, we.
28:07
If we said get this thing up and running.
28:10
Find the weapon systems.
28:13
Yeah, I was not joking when I said there might be Missiles. We might be able to.
28:18
Yeah.
28:18
Utilize that to jump start the engines.
28:20
Yeah, it wouldn't be able to run.
28:23
For very long, but we might be able to get it up there. And there's probably.
28:27
There's a hell of a distraction at.
28:29
The least if we aim it right at the Star Destroyer. Bring a little bit of that cosmopolitan Swiss love.
28:37
Oh, yeah.
28:39
I'm liking this plan.
28:40
This is a crazy plan. I always wanted to see this.
28:43
You guys are forgetting one major thing, though.
28:46
You are a toy.
29:03
Oh, my God.
29:05
Okay, yes, we did forget about that.
29:09
Stimbolt. We did, in fact, forget that were, in fact, toys. I don't think I ever knew that.
29:14
To begin with, though.
29:17
It's all about marketing.
29:20
Join us in our Pixar.
29:22
Inspired Toy Story D20 story.
29:25
I do hope that I have at least 14 points of articulation. We're going to need at least three from between my legs.
29:32
And go visit our GoFundMe page for toys R Us.
29:38
Oh, my God. All right.
29:39
Yeah, were getting, were kind of getting ahead of ourselves that we.
29:42
Had to like, dude, we'll take care of J5.
29:44
Not him, Griff. And the other thing.
29:49
Yes.
29:50
I misa with you on this one.
29:53
This is not a thing that we're.
29:55
About to go do.
29:56
We also have friends. We have cats that we need to bring back and get off this planet.
30:01
And frankly, if we're gonna do this thing, it's gonna have to be aimed.
30:04
At the Star Destroyer. And then we're going to need to skidoodle the fuck out of there as soon.
30:09
Yes.
30:09
As it occurs.
30:10
So we need to be with the Susan. So ultimately, I think we probably need.
30:13
So we're ready to do this?
30:15
No,.
30:18
We should scout around and see what's going on with this whole situation.
30:21
Wait, so you guys are planning on leaving Killian?
30:24
Well, eventually we have to get back to the War in the Stars.
30:27
You were gonna, you were all excited.
30:30
I thought you were coming with us.
30:31
Yeah, I, I did. I mean, I want to fly in the bird, but I mean, you know, leaving home now. No, I, I, I, I just need some time to think about this.
30:45
I suppose that's fair.
30:47
I'm good to go.
30:51
It's funny how that works out, isn't it?
30:53
I'm getting heavy word there.
30:55
I would have been the best.
30:56
You're like, no, I'm not gonna go and roll a third character.
31:03
That would have been the best.
31:06
I was really hoping for that. Kaysa's thinking about it.
31:10
Kaysa's like, you make strong choices here.
31:15
That's what I would have done.
31:18
Okay.
31:19
Whisa should go further in and investigate.
31:23
And as we begin to walk towards the. Towards the base to investigate further, we're gonna do a wipe. The battle is going terribly. The Empire has not taken the bait and not generally fled inside. They've actually just started bombarding with their ranged weapons.
31:43
I told you this was a shit plan.
31:47
The town.
31:50
That's great.
31:53
We have to listen to Faucho. Faucho will save us.
31:57
Fo Sho needs to get his faux fucking ass out of here. Cause we're dying.
32:04
Don't you know?
32:05
I'm sure he's trying.
32:07
He should try harder.
32:13
And worse. The troops that went north, while some have gotten through there were heavy casualties. They did get through. However, the TIE fighter blockade that was preventing the majority of Focho's forces from connecting. It should be noted that this has also seemed fo to you to have disrupted your ability to extend your control so far away from your. Your power base.
32:41
Like.
32:43
You still have complete control over the people inside that area, but until they sort of connect back closer to you won't be able to sort of flow out from them as well. For your controls.
32:55
I. I want to pull my troops back even further. I want them to fight in the forest instead against the Empire where their technological advantage is not quite as. As strong.
33:08
So they're. They're abandoning the village.
33:10
Let try to justify Return of the Jedi.
33:14
First off. That's canon, baby.
33:17
Not yet.
33:20
Not in this one world.
33:22
Since 1983. Sir.
33:25
I'm just saying that this game.
33:27
Yeah.
33:28
Yeah.
33:28
It's sure hasn't happened.
33:29
That's true.
33:30
Yes, that has.
33:36
Okay.
33:36
Yeah.
33:37
So you're. So you're saying abandon the village?
33:38
Yeah.
33:39
Okay. Huang Dun Do. Your master is commanding everyone to abandon the village. Do you care to explain those orders to everyone?
33:51
Let me make sure I heard you correctly. You want us to retreat?
33:55
Just tell. Tell you got to flee.
33:56
And you just.
33:57
Just run.
33:58
I need to ask you something first. What you think of my speech?
34:03
I think you needed to work on a couple.
34:06
People are dying.
34:13
Retreat.
34:14
Fall to the higher grounds.
34:16
Are you shitting me with this?
34:19
Leave him here.
34:21
Don't you know we should go.
34:24
Seriously? Leave that guy. Put him on the front.
34:27
You're doing a great thing for the. For the mission. Yes.
34:31
Tell him to leave that guy in the front.
34:32
Fuck that guy.
34:34
Thanks, Klebold. I'm glad we're all on the same page here.
34:38
Yes.
34:38
That's why nobody likes the fucking Dark side. You guys are assholes.
34:44
How has he not gotten shot yet?
34:47
Tell her to just shoot him.
34:49
Yeah, Hoof, you got this?
34:51
Yeah, you better roll a good one, because I swear to God.
34:59
And that random villager is dead.
35:02
I'm not dead yet. That's just a flesh wound.
35:08
Don't you know to smell a little like almonds?
35:14
Okay, so you guys are pulling back even further. So you. So, Hoof, I'm gonna actually have you do a move silently check to represent you leading the forces quietly through areas that are controlled or like, somewhat being covered by TIE fighters. Like, they're flying around scouting out for everyone. So you need to move silently. Be very quiet.
35:46
Squirrel rabbits.
35:55
Well, is that what I think it is?
35:57
Yep.
35:57
Oh, man.
36:01
I'm gonna need to get my trolls of nutrients in. I should have just run. Forget design.
36:12
All right, y' all ready for this?
36:16
Four?
36:26
No. Ember's new groove.
36:27
All right, fine.
36:28
So I got it.
36:32
Hu Flung dung. You are leading your forces through the woods. Unfortunately, there is no spot that you find that is sufficiently covering your sightlines from the flying above TIE fighters. And they start shooting at you all.
36:54
Pew.
36:55
Pew.
36:56
So we're gonna cut back to. Well, we're gonna cut back to Faucho right now. Faucho.
37:09
Klebold reaches out to the Empire. Seems to be far too successful. I had anticipated them eventually, but their arrival soon. It seems that they followed you and your friends here.
37:33
They've returned. I've not heard of them for some time. I thought they may have left this planet by now.
37:40
I'm talking about the Empire coming to Kyria.
37:44
Oh, yes. I'm glad we're on the same page.
37:47
All right, you have some sort of meta knowledge that I am not aware of? Should I be on the lookout? Is that. Are you suggesting that you're. Hang on a second, Mom.
38:01
Meatloaf.
38:05
And Klebold sent like. We cut over to Klebold, who, like, sends out the two revenants, Griff and his former master as well, to go investigate the tower that they're in.
38:18
Shit.
38:19
Oh.
38:20
Fucked us now. Aa Ron. For sure.
38:27
Again,.
38:30
For sure. You.
38:34
Have been trusted in this, Earl. And I appreciate the steps you've taken to ensuring my domination of this land. I am concerned that were not prepared adequately for the Empire. We need to discuss alternative plans.
38:57
Very well, My master.
38:59
The people of Kilia, we had hoped to hone into a fine tool to use against the Empire, but now let's.
39:09
I feel we need the Killian Rangers under our thrall. To be able to lead the forces of Kilia.
39:19
Or at least they're adepts. They're young who are not moved fully into being a Ranger. What do you propose?
39:33
Is there a training facility that we can send some troops to bring them to us?
39:46
Investigate? With the Nobles under your control, they may have know of some such location.
39:54
Very well.
39:56
Good.
39:57
Good.
39:59
If.
40:02
That would be our next step. But I perhaps need to just be frank with you. We may have to abandon this planet.
40:15
As you wish, my master.
40:17
I had hoped to use this world as a staging point to not a rebellion, but a resistance to the Empire. But it doesn't seem to be shaping up as I had planned. Too many setbacks.
40:35
What of the people of this planet? Are we to abandon them? Or will we bring them with us?
40:41
But Master, I am concerned that they may not be ready to be a useful asset to us. We may need to take refuge somewhere else. But probably some. Some loyal to you.
41:01
As you wish, my master.
41:03
So, I have heard that the ship that your crash landed on has been seen in motion.
41:12
Flying the Susan.
41:16
Yes, the Susan. There is a chance if you discover where the remainder of the Killian Rangers have holed up, it might be there as well. We should prioritize even before getting control of the populace. Getting that ship. Then perhaps you and I and those we deem essential have the ability to flee.
41:46
Very well.
41:48
We will.
41:49
We will start making preparations to move.
41:54
But Fosho. I have no division.
42:01
Oh, sorry.
42:01
Sorry, boss.
42:02
I'm still on the line.
42:03
I heard everything. But.
42:07
Later.
42:10
Backing up now.
42:13
We're gonna wipe over to Phallus. Arvis Stimbolt and Slippery Jim. Sneaking into the great ship.
42:29
The colony ship.
42:32
Can we call it the Lollipop? The great ship Lollipop.
42:35
You want to call it the Lollipop? We can go with the Lollipop, my friend. I don't know how you enjoy lollipops though, with that short tongue of yours. The Gungan way is wrap it all the way around and then just like spin it until it's all just one stick.
42:50
The lollipop, kids.
42:53
I like to see it all the way the back of the throat. Why?
42:58
I don't need a visual.
42:59
Come on.
43:03
Your listeners don't get the pleasure of watching when my eyes can never be unseen anymore.
43:08
I've seen him practice on my nerves.
43:16
Sorry.
43:17
Go on.
43:18
So, my friends, we should be trying to be kind of on the quiet side here.
43:21
Very quiet.
43:22
Investigating things, right? Why don't you guys look around and See if there's any obvious connections to weapon systems or anything like that. If we could find some torpedoes, any kind of. Kind of missile, we might be able to utilize the fuel from that, siphon it all into the main engine.
43:38
Okay, check this out. Computer use. See if we can figure out where this might be.
43:52
Okay, but that's still good enough to bring up some schematics. Okay, so we're able. We got the ship up and running up enough before to be able to get some base info. So, yeah, we. We're able to identify. Okay, cool. There's. Okie day. Okie day. All right, there's. There's some missiles. We going to be kind of an arduous process moving the fuel from that into the engine.
44:11
But remember, it's a scouting mission.
44:13
Yeah, we're not doing it right now.
44:15
Right.
44:16
Stimbo, you got a new thing.
44:21
These repair to see if I can hook up some of the wires to see if there's anything else that's available to us.
44:26
Yeah, yeah. Take a lookie.
44:31
Eleven.
44:35
So I kind of imagine that you were looking at, like, the schematics, trying to see if there was ways to, like, sort of funnel fuel instead of having to do it more by hand, and you weren't able to spot anything too easily.
44:47
That's.
44:48
That's okay, though. We. We'll function. We'll survive. Okie day.
44:58
You say it best when you say nothing at all.
45:01
Hey, Arvis, why don't you take a.
45:04
Look around and see if there's anything you find interesting.
45:06
Your.
45:07
Your bumpkin way sometimes guide you and into just by chance, into the best of situations, such as your love of.
45:16
Of collecting junk and turning out to be a hyperdrive.
45:20
Oh, absolutely. Let me see. Can I. Can I. I'm just gonna go kind of run through the ship and like, turn switches on and off, so. Which, I guess is sort of using disabled device, except in the reverse. I believe we did something like that earlier.
45:34
Yes, indeed. This is a. This is an okay use of things. Oh, no.
45:40
Oh, no. That was.
45:43
That was a five.
45:44
Oh, geez.
45:46
I take everything I said about you.
45:48
J.
45:49
Put it on. Addie.
45:52
Just when I thought you couldn't do anything worse, you go and do this and totally redeem yourself. I'm sorry. Okay, go ahead.
46:02
He doesn't.
46:03
And no, that didn't work out so well for you.
46:08
It.
46:08
In fact, it. Systems that were working now seem to not be functioning like you, like, flip breakers by accident, and now there's just, like, power flow issues all over. Well, so in fact, you disabled the device by reverse disabling the device.
46:25
Yay.
46:25
It wasn't me. Stembo.
46:30
Did I do that?
46:33
Well, hang on.
46:34
So what's not you.
46:39
We. We should be also identifying that.
46:42
The.
46:43
That. What'd you guys call it? The. The walking dead people. Yeah, that they're not still around and that this dark lord isn't here also, because we should confirm that maybe we should stop messing with the engines soon.
46:57
Do you have a way to look at all the rooms in this mountain?
47:02
I was hoping that maybe we could identify life signs or things like that.
47:06
Yes, well, we could until all of a sudden the systems went down.
47:09
All right, not all the systems went down. Now hold on.
47:14
Tell you what. Which one of you is better at computer use and repair?
47:17
I'm better at computer use. Your better repair.
47:20
My computer use is 1215 and my repair is 17.
47:25
Go ahead.
47:26
So.
47:27
So, fellas, why don't you repair what the bumpkin broke and stem boat? Why don't you computer use and see if they're able to, once he's done that, identify life signs or power or areas that are powered up inside this building.
47:42
So my computer use roll is gonna be 35.
47:45
Well, let's wait and see if he actually gets them back up and running.31. Yeah, he gets it back up and running.
47:50
Yeah, and then some.
47:52
Yes, indeed.
47:53
Is that hair gel?
47:55
Okay, you're. You're able to see that power has been drawn. It's being collected in a chamber above you guys. It would have been laterally to your right, but the ship is of course sitting on its side or on its face, I guess. Okay, so that's. That's indicative of that. Hey, what's. Do you guys see how there's like on this. On this chart of power usage, it looks like there's like lights being activated along a chamber. Wait, hold on.
48:24
Where are we?
48:27
It says you are here with the little red arrow.
48:30
It looks like that. That there's lights being turned on just one deck over. It's like they might be. We should move.
48:38
Yep. Run.
48:43
Could I have you guys give me hide checks, please.
48:49
Natural 20, 18, 23,.
48:58
17. You guys are.
49:01
Are good.
49:01
You.
49:02
You're able to like, pull yourself away or pull yourself into like, hidden locations, like up in like ducks and.
49:10
And things like that.
49:11
As the figure of Griff walks through.
49:21
His.
49:22
His.
49:22
His body has a sort of like, weird, lifeless, like, lurching kind of motion to it. But he apparently is still using his eyes and so is turning on lights.
49:30
As he Walks in like, continues on.
49:33
Through and turns off lights as he is leaving.
49:38
Well, I'm glad. Even as an undead, he's energy conscious.
49:45
Nice.
49:47
Yes, he seems to be to care about the environment pretty well.
49:52
I mean, he has to unlive here too.
49:59
The figure of Grif has just left the room. Ooh, that was.
50:06
That was a close one. So you said there's two of these guys now?
50:09
Yeah. Oh. And they are very strong.
50:15
Good. So if I'm looking at this map correctly and I am. I hope I am. We don't have a really easy way of getting out without probably walking by one of them.
50:29
Well then let's just stay here. I do not want to tangle with those guys again.
50:33
Well, did you say we can. Can we travel through the air ducts and get out of here?
50:37
We might be able to. Let's. I. I think we've. We've confirmed the presence of threats still here. Yes, yes, we've confirmed. We have a pretty good idea of where this sort of Dark Master is. Right.
50:53
Yes.
50:53
Okay, this is all. I feel like we're having a successful scouting mission.
50:56
Yes.
50:57
And we have a cool follow up plan that I think might allow us to actually get off this fucking planet.
51:02
Yes.
51:04
That sounds like a good thing. So let's go.
51:12
Don't leave me.
51:14
The boy's already still got a limp.
51:16
I can make it.
51:18
And he's still hoping to see Mara again.
51:21
Damn right I am.
51:23
It's sad that he's never going to dance again.
51:26
It'll happen.
51:28
Dam. We're good to go, right? Yeah.
51:29
Yeah.
51:30
So we're heading out of here.
51:31
This is.
51:32
This is all good. We're. We're going to go. We're going to get on our tauntauns. We're going to discreetly get out of here as fast as possible, report on all these things and figure out what the fuck we're going to do about all these extremely powerful force users since we're here.
51:47
Yeah, we should just leave him.
51:51
Burn to the ground.
51:55
All right, so let's go. And as we go, we're going to.
52:00
Wipe back over to House Fedor where what is left of Foshou's northern forces, led by Huflung Dung, that was your first mistake. Have made their way back into House Fedora. And they're like all kneeling before Fochot. It's like a quarter of the total population that they had before. They were just being gunned down at a distance by the Imperials. And Klebold is speaking to Focho.
52:36
At.
52:37
Least some of the forces returned. They might make optimal choices to go investigate this Susan. Have you spoken with your nobles?
52:48
Yes, we have. We have a location. Well, we have an idea of where the Susan may be.
52:57
Oh, do you? Good, good. Yes. So send your own creature that hoof of lung dung. Send him to where this base of.
53:12
Operations is the only concern. Yeah, the only concern is that this is where the Killian Rangers are. Do we want to take on the Killian Rangers, my master, or do we want to leave.
53:28
Investigate? Scout it out first, see what's possible. But be prepared if we may need to escalate the response. If they're too well defended, I'll send.
53:43
A small squad of stormtroopers just so they may. If they are found that they may assume that it's the Empire, not us.
53:52
Good.
53:56
While we might be on plan F now at least everything is going according to plan.
54:09
That's kind of where we need that villager again.
54:11
And with that, we end the session.
54:16
Oh, that guy's back again.
54:19
Why would you die?
54:20
It's his force ghost. Well, unfortunately, that guy isn't there the entire time. He's. Well, unfortunately, that guy's spirit is often with us in this game and. And, and he's there to call out.
54:34
Those kind of non sequiturs.
54:36
You can find the rest of our.
54:39
Series on our website, certainpov.com catch up on the events that led to this point in time on our website certainpov.com you can check out all of our other podcasts. You can also check out our social media and also Patreon, if you want to be a part of.
54:53
Of what we.
54:53
What we do on this podcast. Again, that is certainpov.com and until next time, stay scruffy. My nerf herders.
55:06
Something.
55:06
Okay,.
55:09
That's what he had.
55:10
Do you need help? Oh, sorry. What's that?
55:15
You're not going to freestyle for us?
55:16
No. Come on. Cuz I'm a Zack Brack doesn't mean I freestyle.
55:21
Now this is a story all about.
55:23
How.
55:27
My stems got bolted upside down.
55:35
It's better than any intro you've ever done.
55:38
Sir.
55:39
Sir.
55:40
West Cloud City born and raised.
55:45
Space.
55:48
You'd like to take a minute? Just zab right there.
55:51
Sorry. All right.
55:52
Okay, go on.
55:55
Well, Dathomir knows how to party.
56:03
I miss Cassandra.
56:07
That was.
56:08
That was payback from earlier.
56:10
That's the longest J. Mike introduction we've had.
56:13
Wow.
56:13
Very little of it was J. Mike.
56:15
In that eye contact.
56:16
It's like a seven minute character introduction.
56:20
You said everything that needed to be.
56:22
Said for a sentence and a half.cpov certainpov.com.