Session 34 - Secret Wars
The Nerfherders are in hiding as the Empire and the forces of the Dark Side duke it out on Kilia. Can they play both sides to come out on top?
Scruffy Nerfherders Full Episode
Originally aired: September 27, 2018
Podcast Edited by Case Aiken
Music: Purple Planet Music
Music: www.purple-planet.com
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⏱️ Chapters
00:07 Welcome and Intros
01:39 Introducing Arvis Reed
02:34 Introducing Phallus Vag Killer
02:59 Hu Flung Dung Returns
03:33 Introducing Stembolt
03:57 Case and the Recap Roll
04:18 Arvis Recaps the Last Session
06:57 The Killian Rangers’ Rescue
08:20 Weeks in Hiding
09:39 Monty Returns Alive
10:58 Planning a Scouting Mission
12:09 Killing Time Before Dark
14:02 Heading Out on Tauntauns
15:16 The Stealth Skill Challenge
17:30 Phallus Covers Their Tracks
18:50 Arvis Takes the High Ground
20:23 Getting Closer to the Imperials
23:13 Spying on the Imperial Camp
24:32 Listening to Mara Jade
24:50 The Empire’s War with Phosho
26:00 Phosho’s Growing Power
27:52 Breaking Down the Intel
29:21 Should They Scout Phosho?
30:19 Fear of Falling Under Phosho’s Influence
31:03 Phallus Talks Everyone Into It
31:47 Explaining the Death Star to Arvis
34:01 Heading South
35:36 The Problem with Escaping the Planet
36:45 Finding Phosho’s Master
37:43 Scout or Assassinate?
39:03 Phallus Wins Everyone Over
40:05 Naming the Kittens
40:47 Sneaking Away from the Imperials
41:33 The Imperials Notice Something
42:49 Eluding Pursuit
43:23 Back at the Killian Ranger Temple
44:28 Reporting to Lord Sphinx
45:31 Planning the Next Recon Mission
47:28 Sphinx Stays Behind
48:43 Slippery Jim and Cat Benatar
49:37 Heading South Again
50:01 Meanwhile, With Hu Flung Dung
51:57 Phosho Takes Command
53:13 Klebold Joins the Conversation
53:57 The Worst Game of Telephone
55:05 Master and Apprentice
56:59 Ending the Session
57:03 Outro
57:44 CPOV Tag
Transcription
00:07
Hey, Nerf herders. I'm Adi Thomas.
00:08
I'm Ben Milton.
00:10
I'm Corey Putnam. I'm J. Mike Folson.
00:12
And I'm Case Aiken.
00:13
Thanks for joining us. God, that was the best second ago. Everyone, like, quite ready during the headlights, all of us just looking like, who's gonna go? Who's gonna go? What next? What's gonna happen? What's your name? Did I turn the oven off? Oh, we've already got a p. We've already got off to a crazy start because that's what we do on the Scruffy Nerf Herder is a Star wars story D20 story. And yeah, we are gonna have. We're gonna continue our crazy adventures here in just a moment. Before we get to that, though, I want to remind you guys that you can be a part of this podcast. You can check out these podcasts on our website, certainpov.com and.
00:58
And if you'd like to support it, like our good friend Maria Monzon, she's actually contributing to this podcast to help us be able to do some things and cover some of our expenses. Maria's my Liberty Mutual Insurance. So if you've got a chance, if you're looking for insurance and someone who's going to be a great help to you, be sure to check out Maria. She is. Her contact information is on our website. Just go to certainpov.com and click under Support. Also, while you're there, you can check out all of the other podcasts that are part of Certain Point of View. Let's go ahead and get to introducing each of us real quickly. So I am. I'm Addie Thomas. I'm Arvis Reed. I'm a nerf herder.
01:39
I'm a nomad, but I'm a literal herder of nerfs that's been swept up into this crazy adventure along with our. With our other friends. You're like, if.
01:49
If Luke Skywalker was autistic,.
01:55
It's kind of what's happened to you. I. I feel like that's reductive of the situation. To be fair, I don't think Luke would ever use the word reductive. I don't think he would either. Too many big words. I think we just like established new lore. Like, Luke Skywalker is just a super idiot. I. I don't know if I would go that far. I think Luke, this Luke fellow you mentioned is an astute fellow, but, you know, he has simple beginnings is all. Yes, yes, and you certainly are simple. All right. I'LL play the role still of Phallus Vag killer.
02:34
And I am a human fringer from the outer rim. And I am sort of a pain in the ass to everybody, but deep.
02:41
Down inside, they still in real life.
02:43
And in the game.
02:45
I don't know. I pretty much play myself. He's a chronic overcompensator.
02:50
Hey, man, went down this rabbit hole.
02:52
The other. We don't need to go to therapy for Ben. It's like a therapy session for me. Awesome.
02:59
Glad we can help. And I'm hu Flung Dong and Misar Gungun. I'm a Gungan soldier, failed pop artist, and now I'm currently at Gungan being.
03:09
Held together by the Force with a hole in my chest and sitting there like fo sho. Why hast thou force awakened me?
03:18
And yeah, it's good times.
03:25
We lost j mike.
03:30
Thank you, Bumpkin.
03:33
That fell apart quick. Sour Diesel always makes these. All right, My name is J Mike, and I play Stembolt Noor. I am the Zaprak tech specialist. Good talk. Yeah. Standing ovation. Nailed it. I did. Nailed it.
03:57
And I am Kay Sakin. I am the dungeon master of this little escapade. And to further that in, can I have everyone give me a D20 roll? Not Cory, obvious reasons.
04:09
Oh, yeah. This is awkward.
04:11
Do the recap of last session 4.
04:13
Got a 13.
04:14
9. Sounds like a 13.
04:16
Good thing you're the one who remembered what happened last session. I'm going to do the recap. So. So last time on our adventures. I love how you doing this. My fat baby loves to eat. Loves to eat.
04:29
Go ahead. Sorry, my bad. What the hell?
04:34
You remember that from Family Guy? Family.
04:37
This is what it reminds me of.
04:38
When I hear that voice when Stewie is a country sing.
04:41
No, I've never seen that one.
04:41
Yes, you have, because I made it your ringtone. My fat baby loves to eat. I do remember that, you dick. That was so good. Nice. It was your ringtone for like two years. It was. How could you forget it? So anyway. So, so last time on the Scruffy, I get a lot of phone calls. So last time on the Scruffy Nerf Herders. Our group of adventurers was being tortured by the illustrious Mara Jade, who has entered this story. And during the course of those torturings. Well, well. Stimbolt to nure. Well, I think all of us felt a little attracted to Mara in that time, but. But Stembold decided to act on those impulses.
05:37
Proud of you, J. Mike.
05:38
It's the most bold thing you've ever done. You're a hero to us all.
05:43
Not all heroes wear capes.
05:45
This one does. Some of them get shot in the knee for that. But in the course of that. Me, Arvis Reed, I was hoping for to. To summon a. With my. My skill. Skills handling animals. To summon a herd of tauntauns or nerves or. Or any wildlife that would be available. Fortunately, our. Our kind and benevolent dungeon Master already had such plans in mind. Because you two stop being the same person. I think he truly knows who he is. A benevolent God who truly knows our very hearts and our true desires. And as such, already had those plans in mind. He had already preordained those. Calvinist version of what's happening here.
06:41
All right, well then, like.
06:47
Well, the people of Killy are a little bit more believing Predestination, sir. Okay, so. All right.
06:54
So sorry I went down this trip.
06:57
So in the course of that, we got rescued by reinforcements from the Killian Rangers led by Monty, and they came and freed us. Mara escaped and unfortunately, it was not in time to save the town because a Star Destroyer destroyed the village. But were able to escape.
07:18
Yeah. Yeah,.
07:21
Dude. I feel I missed a few details,.
07:23
But there were some casualties when the Star Destroyer started firing on the town. And then.
07:28
Did we lose Finn? He got hurt.
07:31
Finn's been hurt real bad. Not Finn, but you. The leader of the Achillean Rangers actually showed up and is the one who like, directly saved you. And that was Sphinx. Sphinx.
07:43
Sphinx.
07:44
So that. That was the other big thing. And then when you guys escaped, you. You fled to the. The temple of the Killian Rangers. That's sort of like hidden away in a forest. Then when you. You guys talking about the maze, right? You guys escaped the maze?
07:59
No, no, the maze is wild.
08:01
Damn that maze. I heard it was amazing.
08:09
They can't all be one out of ten.
08:11
That's my ratio. I'll get one.
08:13
I thought it was. I thought it was good.
08:15
That was the episode title.
08:18
I would say it was a fantasy. That was amazing.
08:20
Yeah. Yeah. So we left with you guys taking refuge in the forest temple of the Killian Rangers. And so now we open with it having been a couple of weeks you have been in hiding and occasionally sending out forces. The temple has not been discovered. And it has been good because the forces of Fo Shou and the forces of the Empire have been mostly directly clashing. And you've been sort of like sitting out and watching from the sidelines. Two evil bastards over there, Arvis Phallus and Stimbolt you are up and sort of like just going about your. He was doing that business of the day.
09:16
I got no strings to hold me down. Sorry.
09:20
All right, go ahead.
09:21
Edit.
09:29
Edit phallus.
09:31
When they remake age of ultron.
09:37
Phallus.
09:37
Yeah.
09:39
Stimbolt and Arvis are at the base and you're like going about your business of the day. When scouts return hauling a stretcher with a wounded Monte on it, they bring him into sort of the medical area, which is also where Finn is currently resting. Finn is conscious enough to be like he must have survived the blast and took shelter in the ruins. And the scouts report he seems to be in some sort of trance, sir. Must be what's keeping him alive. He's barely breathed and he seems to have a heartbeat a minute. Yes. That would make the most sense. Don't you know. He must have taken the brunt of the hit. But at least there's a chance. Hopefully our medics will be able to see us through. Don't you know. And Slippery Jim, who also came in to see. This is like. Yeah, we.
10:40
This is. These are. This is a good bit of news. Having more Force users is better than having. Having less, right? Don't you know? No. Okie day. It's just. I'm just trying to act like the parlance of the.
10:56
Of the area. Yeah. Yeah.
10:58
It's rubbing off on me all right now. Well, those scouts are out. I feel like stretching my legs. Do you guys want to go on a Taunton ride and see what is potentially going on out there? Most definitely. Always wanted to go on another Tauntaun ride once you go on top.
11:15
Let's do it. Yeah. It's a little stuffy in here. Let's. That's a.
11:19
Stretch our legs.
11:20
Yeah.
11:21
All right. The sun will be setting in a short while. We'll. We'll leave as soon as it go. It goes dark. Do you guys have anything you want to do before you. You get on your taunt on to head out and investigate the countryside?
11:36
I feel like we should take our weapons just in case.
11:39
Just in case. Absolutely. Well, you said crazy if you think going without weapons would be any kind of.
11:45
Just making sure I wasn't going to.
11:48
Be like, oh hey, here's a jolly fun ride in Imperial Control territory. We're also. An evil death cult is trying to kill us. Like.
11:58
He said, you're an idiot.
12:00
Pretty much.
12:01
Stimball just likes to ride casual. It is true.
12:09
All right. You know, there's nothing special I can think of that I really want to do maybe watch a movie. I don't know, get some Chinese carry out. The hollow selection here is actually really old. It's like strange fair that like the random like rebels that you would have been able to get that Y wing from the Susan from would have had. It's like not a very extensive collection of movies. It's like some musicals, but they're like old timey ones. And there's like just a lot of like 60s 70s fare. Not very updated. Oh, I'm totally into it.
12:46
I'm gonna watch.
12:47
I'm gonna watch the Alderaan version of Oklahoma.
12:51
Well, we seem to be taking our time for the scouting mission.
12:56
We were waiting a few hours until dark so that we would not risk being spotted and getting and so then we can run into a tree easier. Whisa are trying to keep a low profile. If the empire discovers where we are, Whisa screwed.
13:08
Oh, for sure.
13:10
So and for show. For show too. But he has the ability to. To pump that information potentially out of some of the people he's taking over. It's true. So. All right, well, we succeed. Let's wait and then, you know, we'll head out. Okay. Yo, was that Oklahoma? I love that flick. Oh, so good. So good. Just the choreography. Yeah, just so inventive for its time. He's one of the few that I kind of enjoy of you short legged weird creatures dancing. No, I get it. We're not pretty. No, you're not a Gungan. My gun.
13:46
Gun.
13:48
All right, let's go. He whispers.
13:55
All right, well if you're done having your Gungan moment, let's. Let's get on these stupid tauntaunts and.
14:01
Get out of this base.
14:01
I'm going nuts.
14:02
Okay, so we mount up and we. We head on out into the night. You guys travel for a while. It's seems to be relatively clear. But in the distance when you're one of these like larger fields, you do see some lights. And Jim signals for you guys to approach, but taking it slowly, trying to keep to sort of a hidden spot. Can I have. As you guys approach, everyone give me move silently checks. Well balls 7.
14:38
Oh what?
14:39
11.
14:40
18, Man. 7. 11 In the rear with the gear being really loud.
14:46
You guys are approaching. I wasn't playing. I wasn't even supposed to roll anything.
14:52
Just got so caught up in the story. It's like, oh man, I gotta roll.
14:58
So as you guys approach, you notice shifts in the light that indicate that some movement's occurring. And you think that maybe you tripped people off. Damn it, J Mike.
15:14
I got an 18.
15:16
All right, so this is gonna begin a skill challenge. Dammit, J Mike. Can I have everyone roll initiative for me, please? Obviously not Cory. Thanks, man.
15:26
16, 14, 23. Damn, sister, who's on fire today? I know, right? Hopefully this lasts. Apparently I've been hanging out too much with failures and I can no longer move silently. You drop things when you're walking.
15:41
Clunk it is the gas. Still had slippery hands from that wookie.
15:51
Why you bringing up old stuff?
15:54
All right, so we're. What we're going to do is you're going to try to avoid what you think are probably Imperials and positioning yourself so that you can actually try to get some intel on what they're doing. So could I have Stimbolt give me a skill? Let's figure out how you guys can avoid the Imperials and reposition yourself to actually spy on them.
16:18
Run away. I'm gonna take a guess. He's gonna gather information because he likes to gather a lot.
16:24
I do like to gather. I'm going to note that gather information is not appropriate at this time because you do not have people to gather information from.
16:31
Diplomacy. Hey, everybody, listen, I'm real sorry I tripped your alarm. Just going over right over there. Over there, guys.
16:40
Get information here.
16:42
Spy check just to see if we tripped any of, like, the stuff on the ground or if there are any more traps on the ground.
16:49
Yeah, you can do a spot trick. 17. Okay. You don't see any traps or anything? Like, this wasn't a base of theirs. They were clearly. It just stopped.
17:03
Taught your breath for a while.
17:04
Yes. Like at nightfall, while they were moving. You do see a lot of defensive formations that they would have put up hastily for this. Like, here's our break position. Let's not get trapped. You don't see easy ways around them. Like, you did good, but not that good on your.
17:26
On that. Check. Hey, guys, weapon. Hold back for a second.
17:30
Okay. Yeah. So that's a small success. We'll take it. Okay, Phallus, you're up. I'm gonna use my survival skills to figure out a way to make it look like something in nature, like it was animal or something like that tripped the alarm. So that when they do get to the alarm, they're like, oh, it wasn't okay. Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
17:57
18.
17:59
So you know that this area has had sort of regular migrations of slightly larger animals so that it wouldn't be that weird to do. You probably. Yeah, you probably can make it look like it was just animal that can sort of move through. Maybe if, like, your tauntaun muddled the ground enough so that it wasn't very. Because, like, the thing with tauntauns that they're clearly ridden animals, like, people know that. That they're being used as a piece of burden for that. So you might want to make it. That not look like any particular type of footprint, but make it look like it's more. More than one animal. And it had to be. Right. That it would. That it would look weird for people. Right, right. But, yeah, that's a success.
18:45
Yay. I did it. You did a thing.
18:49
Don't suck.
18:50
Well, I'm gonna go ahead and climb up a tree to take a look and kind of see the situation and also hide and open the branches.
19:01
Are you an ewok?
19:02
That's what I'm saying. He thinks he's an ewok. Why you gotta be. First off, ewoks had to build platforms for themselves. They didn't just climb up those trees. Those are pretty big trees.
19:14
Yupnum.
19:15
My friend yupped up to you as well.
19:19
Okay, so are you seeing it as like, you're taking cover and also a spying position separately from the rest of the group, or are you doing this to aid them in?
19:28
Doing it as well to aid them.
19:30
Okay. Yeah. Give that a roll.
19:32
18.
19:33
Yeah. So you look around and like, so you're on more of an open field, but the terrain is not super flat. Like, there's various hills, and that's why you can only see their light. You couldn't really see any of their structures or anything like that from a distance. There are some trees, and you are able to sort of get a higher ground and whisper to the others to, like, help direct them to get into better positions as well. And you see a troop go by you. Like, they. They come across what, like, was clearly a sensor that had been tripped. And see the. The footprints and they're like, okay, this is fine. Was just so. Just animals. We've seen a ton of animals around, and they move past you. You guys, this is not over. This is just the.
20:23
The first danger of it all occurred. And now you guys actually need to get closer in because you. You took cover further, like, still far enough away that you can't actually see or hear anything that's going on. Okay, so we still need to get close enough. Yeah. But we're going to keep this as a skill challenge. We're still going as a skill challenge. All right, here we go. So Stimbolt. Here we go. Don't screw the subject.
20:43
So they were like, we stubbed or reactivated a trap on the ground or like, a sensor?
20:47
Basically, yeah.
20:49
Can I check to see if there are more sensors like that along the way?
20:52
You did. You didn't see any. Okay, never mind.
20:55
Crap.
20:55
What about search? Yeah, that's fine. Why search for, like, a better spot.
21:01
Yes, a better. A better hiding spot for us.
21:04
Yeah. And I'd say this could be like, a more thorough searching as you go to a specific route of additional sensors or anything like. Like that. Yeah. Give me a roll.
21:13
Oh, got 13.
21:15
No, unfortunately, that is not a success. You are the weakest link. Bye.
21:21
Bye.
21:24
Oh, I see what you did there. You made a reference to it.
21:29
It's never been done on this show before. Never?
21:33
Never. Yeah, unfortunately, you. You're, like, looking around, and while you don't stumble across any additional sensors or anything, you don't find, like, a good vantage point that's closer. Yeah, yeah. Because you don't want to, like, walk, like, over. Over the hill and just be, like, visible to them.
21:51
Yeah.
21:52
All right, let me figure out something else. Is it my turn? Yes. Okay. I am going to. Let me use spot check to. To find, like, the best place for us to get to and the easiest path for us to go to and all so I can lead the way.
22:08
Okay. Sixteen.
22:09
Yeah, that's sufficient. You're just barely. That's how I live my life. That's right. You're not living on the edge. You're just wasting space. You know, that's what they say. That's what they say. We're in space. Actually, not at the moment.
22:24
Oh, this time.
22:25
No. No. You. Yeah. You're able to sort of, like, look around and find a particularly, like, good vantage point. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think of the best term, like, where, like, the hill is steep enough on the other side that they don't have, like, an easy ability to, like, spot you. Awesome. Yeah. Okay, guys, over here. We're gonna get up on that hill over there. Make sure you move silently.
22:53
I just moved. Move silently then for my.
22:56
Yeah, that's fine.
22:57
Okay.
22:59
Or what I like to do is just drop a big, heavy bag of something. That's what I like. Yep. 16, As we established, that is just barely doing it.
23:10
Way to get by, Addie. Yes. Team Baddy.
23:13
Yeah. So you guys get into position. You. You. You get a look down, and you see. Yeah, like, a small grouping. It's, you know, maybe a couple units that have, like, sort of set up camp for the night of troopers, as well as two Imperial Guard standing there. There's a fire lit, and they are, like, clearly communicating close to the fire, while other troops are just sort of, like, going about, like, you know, putting away provisions. Like, some people are, like, having meals. Like I said, they stopped for the night. So could I have everyone give me both spot and listen checks? Give me the spot checks first. 17. Jigga.
23:58
Jigga. Yeah. 12. 12.
24:00
Yeah. Stumble. You. You're able to sort of, like, point out all of these big details to everyone. Hey, guys, look. In particular, you point out that they've cleared, clearly engaged a hologram that is behind the fire. So it sort of is a little difficult for you guys to see. Exactly. But now that you've shown them they can see it. There's this projected green figure of a human female redhead, standing right there, communicating with him. So now can I have everyone give me listen checks?
24:32
22. All right. 16.
24:34
20. Okay, you guys are all suffering. Efficiently able to utilize hearing apparatuses that allow you to chime into the conversation. Mara goes report, Mistress. Our forces make short work on open.
24:50
Battlefields with these natives, but every time we move in close to occupy the territory, our men seem to fall under.
24:57
The influence of the Kel Door. He's more powerful than were led to believe. And his master seems to be powerful enough to give Lord Vader and the Emperor pause.
25:06
We don't seem to be able to take him alive at this rate.
25:08
Their forces have gathered in a larger.
25:10
Village to the south, but their primary base is even further south than there.
25:16
First, send scouts past their forces, the stealthiest we have. Then send aerial forces to separate the northernmost from the southernmost. Then let us try to engage the northern forces and prepare to pull out if we see their influence taking over. If that fails, we will pursue an airborne assault. Our scouts should be able to determine their base of operations by that point. Now, do we have any word on the native force user in the crashed rebels?
25:41
Negative. They've clearly been active, but we haven't successfully recorded their movements.
25:46
Continue to look for them, but our priorities are with the Keldor and his master anyway, so. Yeah, you chimed in on that one. And you have that info. Calm down, Adi. You're over there raising your hands like,.
26:00
Oh, Farshaw's a badass.
26:02
Just blowing smoke, buddy. You're not that powerful.
26:05
I don't know. The enemy seems to give this faux show a lot of credit. All I'm saying is, Fosho. They seem to be giving them a run for their money. F Show wasn't the one who killed the Imperial. Thought we called him Jubilee from now on. Jubilee. Jubilee didn't do anything. I feel like you guys have glossed over history where Fosho has killed people with his force lightning. And he has also helped us. Helped your group of friends at times when you needed help. Like maybe creating. Creating illusions with fire extinguishers. To help us along. To help you guys along your path. I don't know about that.
26:52
You said guys have been filling offices head with stories of departed friend. I see.
26:58
Apparently I talk in my sleep.
27:01
Okie. Do we know how you. How your feelings just seep out?
27:05
Yes. It just feels like you guys are processing a lot of anger at your friend's betrayal and that you still find there's a part of your heart that. Where you still love him and miss him. You know who doesn't have a part.
27:18
Of their heart that misses him?
27:20
Hoof. Yep. No, I think he still retains that part of his soul. Yeah, but not his heart.
27:28
If I only had a heart. Sorry. That was for you, Case. I appreciate that. Actually.
27:35
It's really nice.
27:37
Got a lovely voice.
27:39
Oh, thanks. I can't believe that the. The singing thing didn't work out. I know.
27:42
I feel. Pop star, you can't please these millennials.
27:45
These days, it's all about who you know, man. That's right, man.
27:52
Okay, guys, so let's get back to business. So that seems like pretty important information that we should get back to the rest of our forces. Does anybody remember any of it?
28:02
That they're still looking for us and that they've been fighting for show. And they fall under his influence while in open battle, they are able to defeat them, but when their soldiers close in on them, they fall under Fosho's influence.
28:17
Yeah. So he is apparently taking over people's minds from a. Like, a great range at this point. Now, he was never that powerful. He was with us. Did he, like, get an artifact or, like, was he. Did something make him go Super Saiyan there? I don't understand. Apparently, did his tendrils fly up and, like, glow white?
28:39
Sitting there screaming a lot while he's shooting fireworks.
28:43
Like, sparklers coming out of his fingers.
28:45
That was the best he could. Yeah.
28:46
It would take Jubilee and upgrade her to havoc.
28:48
Yeah.
28:53
Yeah. I don't. I don't.
28:55
I don't get it.
28:55
I don't know what he would have. I mean, obviously he's working with somebody else.
29:00
Well, didn't you Feller. Say, did he seem a little different from when he rejoined you guys? You seem to have said that he was a little different at one point. Yeah. Like, did you guys really not, like, evil, like, out of nowhere? Seems like you guys don't really pay attention to your friends.
29:21
Well, I'm honored that we're friends. Do you guys want to maybe try to sneak south of here and see if we can find out what's going on with Fosho's forces? Or should we go back to the base and report on this? Well, since Corey drove all the way here, I feel like we should go check out salesforces. We?
29:41
Okay.
29:42
Okie day.
29:45
Well, that's an interesting rationale to force the hand of fate. I mean, he did drive all the way from Virginia.
29:53
Not for nothing. Okie day.
29:58
I mean, how do you not know that our paths might cross some other way? I don't.
30:04
I'm. I'm hoping that I didn't screw up your story.
30:07
Aren't you concerned that you may fall under foe's influence? No, Really, I already have.
30:14
Hello.
30:19
But just being to. To. To stop with the, you know, the funny references for a moment, I do feel like that is a legitimate possibility that we may fall under the influence of this faux show instead of actually helping the situation. Best shortest game ever.
30:37
Let's go. Yeah, it's a possibility. Perhaps we should go back to base. We should go back to base. We can go back out. We should. We've only been out here for a few hours.
30:46
At the very least, we should relay this information back to the base.
30:51
Man, why did I go wrong and just surround myself with so many sissies? Let's do something exciting, guys. We're in the middle of a war.
31:01
I remember. I recall.
31:03
Roll a diplomacy chat.
31:05
I recall. You like Mexico. 24. Weren't you the same feller that said you wanted to leave this planet and get away from this sport? If that means that I gotta die to get off this planet, I'm all for it.
31:27
Well, I mean, we could just let them go. They're going after the Keldor. They're going after Fosho. They don't really care that much about us. Yeah, we could. They're not gonna, like, keep. I mean, they might. Well, they might try to shoot us. Like, blow up the planet? Not.
31:42
Most likely.
31:42
Not the planet. Obviously, this is not the Death Star, but, like, I mean, you know, like, just lay waste everything, so there's no.
31:47
Wait, a Death Star? The hell's a Death Star?
31:52
Pumpkin. How do I Explain this one. It's not a moon.
31:56
It's a space station. Good job. Thank you.
32:05
Thank you for the assist.
32:11
But.
32:13
But, yeah, it is, in fact, a space station, and it was a thing that the Empire built that could, with one shot, destroy a planet. That's where all the Alderaanians came from. The. They were the survivors. We met up with them and convinced them that the Empire was in fact the terrible assholes who destroy everything. So that is why we all find ourselves in common cause.
32:35
Well, by the force, that seems like a really scary prospect.
32:38
Yes. Yes, it is. All right, well, by the Force, I understand. I clearly can see that we have scared you straight and shitless too. Yes.
32:50
Oh, so gross. Oh, I. I took it up before we left in the. In the long time that you were watching Alderani in Oklahoma. I took two dips, two dumps in that time.
33:02
Fantastic. All right, so what's the plan? Are we going back? We all decided to coward out and do the right thing. Everyone else give me will says right now, damn it.
33:14
Will they save.
33:18
Find out.
33:20
15, 14, 16. Wait, why are you.
33:27
They were doing a will save against my diplomacy.
33:29
Yeah, we're following this guy. I'm like, oh, God, I don't know. Maybe I don't want to do this. That was your second thought. As it's coming out of my mouth, I'm thinking about like, oh, that's a dumb idea. Much like, again, this is really just me playing myself.
33:48
So they're like, well, okay, if you're going to be and call it us for not wanting to go, Okie day. We can. I guess we could go if that still is a good plan to you.
34:00
Yeah, let's.
34:01
Let's at least check it out. Let's like you said, we've only been out here for a couple hours. Okay, but Arvis makes a very good point. We should try to be very careful about getting too close. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:11
We're just gonna.
34:12
We're just gonna take a look. Okay. That. Well, we're gonna travel south.
34:18
Okay.
34:19
Like. Like, didn't they say something like they were gonna, like, send some troops to the north and the south and cut things off? They. They were gonna send scouts all over. They're trying to figure out where Fos mysterious overlord is. Is actually based out of. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. And then they were going to send ships to cut off the. The northernmost forces, which is the only thing we could make it to at this point from the larger base in the south, which I'm assuming is House Fedor.
34:47
Yeah.
34:49
So then they're going to engage the northern group. If they fail and if they start getting taken over by Fosho, just going to blow everyone up. Well, we're kind of in a lose situation here because if we like start attacking Fosh Show's forces and kind of enable the inevitability that the Empire will dominate this planet in Fosh show and just like help move that along faster, they're still just going to like vaporize this entire area and we die. Or at the. At the best, at the worst, we lose our ship and we're stuck here. Is it true? But we honestly, we. We're not powerful enough to stop the never ending onslaught of the Empire either.
35:36
What do we need to do to.
35:37
Get off this planet? What do we need at this point? The Susan will. Will fly and the Susan will leave this the star system. The problem is that right now in orbit is a Star Destroyer. If we try to go, we will be shot down. Surely.
35:49
Is it possible that we could also work to sabotage, maybe travel routes for the Empire and to help slow down the flow of soldiers and to. To hinder their progress?
36:02
It. I mean, yes, we can try to do something like that. I mean, the current situation is that we are trapped here. We need to be able to get away, get back to the rebellion. But we also don't have a scenario where either. Like, I Misa, don't know about you guys, but the thought of the Empire getting a hold of someone who was able to make Fosho both go mad and also so clearly powered him up is a little terrifying. And at the same time, the prospect of the Empire either succeeding or failing and then probably killing everyone here on this planet is not something that even Aesa can really tolerate. That seems a pretty up.
36:45
Well, maybe we should find this. This feller that Faux show is answering to. You said you lost track of a foe at for a little bit when you guys were looking for that ship. For that, I believe.
37:01
What? What, that tower thing? Yeah, the big ship when were getting the engine.
37:05
Should we head maybe that direction and see if we can find this creature? Direction My robot will finally be able to get to the door. Maybe you can reenact with his robot. He had a name, man. He had a name.
37:18
It's a valid point. I think it might not be a bad call. I would say that we should probably report back with Sphinx and tell him what we just heard, but that's not a bad idea. We should probably continue. And since we have a lead on this whole situation,.
37:38
That sounds good to me. Sounds like a plan.
37:43
I guess my one question is, are we just scouting to confirm that is where in fact he is, or are we going with the purpose of assassinating him? Because if he's a powerful force user, we only have one strong one with our group, or at the moment, and that's Sphinx. Both. Finn. Finn is bedridden still. Yeah, and while they recovered Monty's body today, there's no guarantee that he's ever going to recover. So if we're going to try to confront him, we may want Sphinx with us. But if we're just scouting, we probably want to leave Sphinx here because it's less likely for the rest of the forces to be defeated if he's up here.
38:18
I say we scout. You're the Fringer. Yep. Yep.
38:24
Let's get the lay of the land. You used to think you could guide your ways back yeah.
38:30
Yeah.
38:30
Okay, but I feel like we should.
38:32
Still let them know what's going on.
38:34
Oh, yeah, no, we're going right now.
38:35
Okay. Okie day. Because.
38:38
Absolutely. We almost listened to Valius for a second there. I don't know what fit of madness.
38:42
Took us, but that was crazy, right?
38:44
Yeah.
38:44
Right?
38:45
It's like you look really good on, like, a diplomacy check or something.
38:48
I feel.
38:48
You know, I feel like we're becoming friends, guys. I feel like you guys are finally warming up to me and starting to trust me and see my value. And I appreciate that. And I appreciate you. Want you all to know that. Some more than others. Okay, But.
39:01
But I appreciate you.
39:03
Roll a diplomacy check.
39:04
What kind of Nerf is this?
39:07
Damn, son. Everyone else roll since motive check. 22.
39:19
13, 14. Oh, no. 19.
39:24
Everyone totally believes phallus. And in fact, checks against phallus are going to be at a disadvantage now because you're more positively inclined towards him.
39:38
Dammit.
39:39
I think I like you.
39:41
Well, for a Nerf, you sure are a charismatic Nerf.
39:45
Yeah, I'm starting to grow fond of your tiny tongue.
39:48
Thank you.
39:49
Thank you.
39:50
Be careful how he says that. That's the biggest two things I've ever.
39:54
Heard of from a Gungan.
39:56
Thank you.
39:58
Well, you know what they say. Yep. Let's not say it. Yep.
40:03
Don't make this weird.
40:05
We're gonna do this, guys. We're gonna have a great night. It's gonna be a great adventure. This is gonna be amazing. I can't wait to get back. I've been taking care of Finn's Cat. Cat Benata.
40:14
You son of a bitch. I love that.
40:16
Oh, diplomacy. What diplomacy? It's just a saucer of milk.
40:25
Yeah.
40:26
Winning friends and influence and Kittens Palace. What have you decided to name yours? Oh I haven't yet. I just can't. It should have a name. Stimbolts is Draco. Meow. Yes.
40:36
Greatest name ever. It is the greatest name ever. Cat Benatar is pretty good though.
40:42
I don't know. I'll give you give it some time my friend.
40:45
Before the night's over, I'll come up with a name.
40:47
Okie dokie. Challenge accepted. So we are off back to the main grove so that we can report to everyone. Why don't we all give a move silently Check. So that we can flee the Empire without them hearing us trying to get away.
41:06
8. 22. 11. And you wanted to run into this old mess. It was gonna be brilliant.
41:15
As you guys are moving Blazeoglory.
41:19
Wyatt. Freaking out.
41:21
You very clearly like trip. Not trip but like kick over like a rock that then rolls down the hill and makes a ton of noise kind of situation.
41:33
To be fair, I thought it was.
41:34
An E. So I'm gonna everyone give me reflex saves right now. And I'm gonna treat this as you being able to sprint out of the way before the troopers come to look over.
41:47
21. 17.
41:51
Cue the music. Do I do the five or the two? Reflex is three.
42:01
Oh three.
42:02
So I add three to my roll. 20. Okay. Yeah. So those stormtroopers were alerted somewhat to your presence. You were able to at least flee before they saw who it was that was spying on them. But somebody was clearly spying on them, right? We should find those people. All right, let's keep going and get out of here. Let's get away from this place. Yeah, let's. Let's continue on as fast as we can to the grove. But we're probably going to have to be a little more cautious since they might be on the look sees for us right now. So we don't want to draw attention make the roll either. Dude.
42:39
Higher than you. Still a failure.
42:44
Well we still don't want to draw them back to the temple. Otherwise we might be fucky date. Okay.
42:48
Right.
42:49
You know about that. Everyone give me first spot checks.
42:54
13, 18, 15.
42:58
Okay, so those are all high enough to give you advantage on hide checks right now. Which I'm going to treat as your ability to elude them. So advantages roll twice to take the better of the two results.
43:09
17. 17.
43:12
13. That is across the board. Fine. In terms of eluding the Imperials, they. They do not follow you back to the base.
43:22
Yay.
43:23
We did it, guys. Okay, why don't you guys go talk to the Sphinx? I'm going to go check on my pussy.
43:33
Oh yeah. They found cats.
43:41
Finn, you got cat finitar over there. I cannot wait to play with that pussy.
43:46
Murder. Cats. What's Draco Meowfoy doing? Relaxing. Relaxing. Meow. Oh my God. I gotta come up with a name.
44:00
Just give me a second. Seriously. It's gonna be. It'll be there.
44:05
Well, if you want someone that. Something that's sort of similar in age and to your temperament. How about menopause,.
44:16
Mr. Bigglesworth?
44:18
I like chicken. I like liver. Meow Mix. Meow Mix, please deliver.
44:28
So Slippery Jim has walked off. Sphinx comes over to you guys. Oh yeah. Don't you know what happened out there?
44:42
So the Imperials have been fighting foe and his armies and they destroy him on the battlefield. But whenever they get close to try to take over their encampment or wherever they might be, the soldiers come under the influence of foe.
44:56
So that's a problem. The Dark One's powers don't, you know, grown very strong and augmented your friend, it seems.
45:06
Oh, I mean, okay, I thought you were talking about foe. I mean, he's not that dark, is he? Is he failures?
45:12
Oh, yeah, definitely. I have yet to meet him face to face. I sense a mere echo, don't you know? Of the true darkness. Oh, yeah. So what do you propose that we do about it?
45:29
Failures?
45:31
Well, I think we should probably go scout it out.
45:34
And see what?
45:34
Like, see if we can see any positive or any possible ways to, you know, do an attack and. And cut him off and, and, and kind of sneak in. Like it'll have to be some sort of subversive espionage.
45:59
Esp.
46:06
Oh, yeah. You must have additional words out in the. The space above the stars.
46:12
Is that you guys not use that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God.
46:15
You know, that's a thing.
46:17
I think I failed the espionage logical class at my school. I don't know. Sounds like a lot of classes I took.
46:25
Don't. You know, I believe him.
46:29
Anyway, point is, we're gonna have to do some.
46:32
Some sort of scouting to kind of get the lay of the land and see what we can, you know, see what become what.
46:36
What?
46:36
Resistance. We're gonna. We're gonna go. I don't want to go in there blind, obviously. Yeah. Yeah, agreed. Especially right now of Finn and. And Monty are. Are out Monty is doing better, by the way. We were able to bring him out of his trance, but his wounds are going to take several weeks to recover fully. I can't wait to tell Jean Claude Van Damme. He's going to be so happy. Don't. You know, I don't actually get that reference.
47:05
Claude.
47:07
Oh, okay. Nice.
47:10
Oh, I think you have to spell that out for you to really appreciate W E D.
47:20
Oh, yeah. I'm glad that you finally settled on a name.
47:23
Maybe you should just call him Claude. Claude or J.C. yeah.
47:28
Until Finn and Monty have recovered enough, it's probably better that I remain here. Our forces need at least one person who can lead them into battle.
47:38
Right?
47:39
That should be me. No, I'm just kidding.
47:41
You're the perfect choice.
47:43
Just kidding. But seriously, don't you know, I admire your. Your bravery. Thank you, my friend. But thank you. Yeah, let's go do this. Let's. Let's get a good night's sleep, play with her pussies and hit it in the morning. It. Perhaps it is better if you head out now while it is still dark.
48:02
He wanted to watch Oklahoma again.
48:06
Oh, yeah. Don't you know, I've been so happy for all these great releases that you all have brought with you, but now perhaps is not the time. I do understand it though. Oklahoma of Alderaan. So very good. Hollow. Speaking of releases, where's Slippery Jim with his cat? Yes, you hear like this is a very large temple. Like you have actually a lot of space.
48:43
Sorry.
48:44
So, yeah, you guys hear Slippery Jim sort of serenading his cat? Well, his and Finn's cat in his quarters. It's a larger temple. You guys actually all have been allotted like hoarders. On some planets when you share a cat, it's the same thing as being married. I think I read that on the interwebs. You should better believe it. But I've grown fond this kitty and Finn hasn't been in any kind of shape to take care of it while he's been down. How's your leg feeling, by the way, Stembelt?
49:18
Better every day, sir. Better every day.
49:20
Yeah, the limb's starting to go away, but it does seem to be affecting your ability to move silently.
49:24
Yeah, you can say that.
49:25
Was it worth it?
49:26
Oh, I can't wait to see her again.
49:28
I bet you can.
49:29
I feeling we're gonna see her again very soon. Very soon.
49:33
You should just know it.
49:36
But.
49:37
Well, now that I've given a saucer of milk and I've had some time petting this kitty, I'M okay with getting out the door. We should go before daybreak. Right, let's roll. Okay, so we're gonna mount up and we're gonna head on south. Autobots, roll out.
49:55
Roll out.
50:01
And we're going to do a slide wipe to cut over to the northern forces of House Fedor being led by Huflung Dung. So even though you aren't fully in control, you are. There's a weird scenario where your sensory input is affecting your ability to function because Fosho is not anywhere near you. But Hu Flung Dung is the sort of commander out the field guiding these forces. So, Hoof, would you be so kind as to bark some orders for defensive purposes? Like you're like fortifying the town that you're in. And so you're trying to command everyone to like be, like, to be as secure as possible while they all choose. We do what we do for Faux Show. We do what we do for Faux Show. We do what we do for Faux Show. Oh, keep chanting.
51:15
We do what we do for Fo Show. You're not Butters of the last mini weekends. Raising my hand slowly.
51:26
Yeah. So who barks and mortars like you are being Gun.
51:30
Gun Warrior.
51:33
All right. Oh, in action. Yeah.
51:42
Evasive maneuvers.
51:43
We must fortify this.
51:44
Fortify what? Fort?
51:50
Okay, so seeing as how he's terrible at this.
51:54
No.
51:54
Who Flung Dung is not Corey.
51:56
Yeah, no.
51:57
Fosho mentally chimes in to Hoof and starts telling him what to say to everyone.
52:03
Hoof. Hoof. I think it'd be a good idea to maybe deploy troops. Deploy troops. Hold on. Wait, that's. Wait, that's not the full order. That's the full order.
52:16
Would you like fries with that?
52:19
Give me a second before you start barking about. I'm sorry. He's alright. So you want to deploy a couple squads, some to the northwest and also to the northeast. That's where we're expecting. Deploy squads to the northwest, northeast. And this is what we're expecting. Go. And then we also want to play scouts around. Play scouts around to the rear. To the rear to send pickets out. Pickets out into the surrounding areas so that we can get warning. Warning if any of these stormtroopers come across us. If any of these stormtroopers come across us. So also set a command center here. Yes, sir. Command center here. Asian. Wait, are you part of Nemoidian?
53:13
I don't know. I mean, there was probably a lot of like, interbreeding at some point around that war there, but you start Hearing the voice of Klebold in the back of your head while you're communicating.
53:25
Oh, my God. It's like watching a really shitty episode of Klebold. Can I put you on hold for a sec?
53:31
For sure. Tell your pawn that he must set up defensive perimeters that will alert you to the noise of everything. Such as holes in the ground with coverings and brambles that would make loud noises.
53:47
Well, that's what we have the pickets for.
53:52
Yes, but convey that to your pawn.
53:57
So, Hoof, can you set up shittiest game of telephone ever to say somebody's going to get it wrong here? Can you set up noise traps in. In. In the area so that we can be alerted? Also for where? In areas where the pickets aren't able to monitor so that we have additional notice of. Of troops that are incoming.
54:24
Your wish is my command. USA First Lord for show. What did he say?
54:33
He said use the wishes. Your command. Your wish is my command. Good.
54:37
Good. You have created an excellent arm with this one. Now make sure that he has scouts in regular rotation. And also. I feel like we're dangerous.
54:51
You know, Klebold, I don't think we need to micromanage all of this. I just want to say I really appreciate your input, but the way my bank account's set up, checking in savings.
55:05
And for sure, I am your master here. Your power is amplified through me.
55:14
But. But you also chose me because I am. I have skills in this, But I believe we will be able to handle the Empire as well in this. I do appreciate the input. Thank you, Master.
55:30
It's really hard when you try to let your flock go. Don't see them grow up. But I'm proud of you, boy.
55:37
Thank you, Master Klebold. I really appreciate that. Nobody's ever said that to me, including my friends.
55:48
Reports when he reports back to you.
55:52
As you wish, my master.
55:53
Yes, Gord. You guys are still online?
55:58
Oh, yeah. How much of that did you get? So. So.
56:11
Yeah, so.
56:12
I didn't mean. You need to stop with the. Like. I'm not. You know what? I'm not gonna micromanage you either, but just send some scouts out. Done.
56:22
So now you have to convey it to the people.
56:24
I already did.
56:25
It's done. You got. Yeah, no, he's got his. Okay, cool. Yeah. Jamie took case. That was awesome.
56:44
Go ahead, tell him. No, not doing this.
56:49
What?
56:49
I felt left out, so I asked you if I could tell you that I thought that was awesome. No, no.
56:59
I think this might be a good spot for us to end the session.
57:03
So usually we wait for a really dramatic pause, but right now we're just gonna wait for all these prop like just like you should after an efficient staff meeting, sometimes you just have to wait for your employees to actually kind of carry out what they need to do. So we're gonna let Hoof do that today, make sure all those troop deployments get taken care of. And while those troop deployments are happening, you can go and check out, of course, our website. Check out all our social media if you want to be a part of what we do on this podcast, it other podcasts as well that are part of certain point of view. You can be a patron and find out all about that on our website. Again, that is Certainpov. Com. And until next time, stay scruffy, my Nerf herders.
57:44
CPOV certainpov.com.