Session 29 - A-MAZE-ING FANTASY
Phallus and Stembolt are on the run. Their friends have betrayed them. Their resources are limited. Worse, something is stalking them.
Music: http://www.purple-planet.com
Scruffy Nerfherders Full Episode
Originally aired: July 19, 2018
Podcast Edited by Case Aiken
Music: Purple Planet Music
Music: www.purple-planet.com
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⏱️ Chapters
00:12 Welcome and Intros
03:08 Recap Roll
03:58 Case Recaps the Campaign
13:33 Phosho Commands House Fedor
14:59 Phallus, Stembolt, and Finn in the Maze
17:18 Finding the First Hidden Passage
20:31 Burning Through the Maze
22:22 The Maze Gets Everyone High
24:11 The Feline Creature
28:24 Another Hidden Passage
31:42 The Creature Attacks Stembolt
33:01 Fighting the Creature
36:26 Finn’s Force-Charged Blade
38:10 Burning Through the Wall
40:13 The Ricochet
41:03 Trying to Climb Out
44:32 The Dead End
46:06 Phallus Swings Over the Creature
47:35 Finn Kills the Creature
48:16 The Kittens
49:36 Escaping the Maze
50:26 Walking Toward the Susan
51:15 The Nerfs
52:11 Meeting Arvis Reed
56:25 Talking with the Nerf Herder
58:16 Feeding the Kittens
59:17 Arvis Dreams of Space
01:00:46 Finn Tests Arvis
01:01:49 Heading to Arvis’s Farm
01:01:57 Outro
Transcription
00:00
Undefined
Foreign.
00:12
Addy Thomas
Hey, Nerf herders. I'm Addy Thomas.
00:14
Ben Milton
I'm Ben Milton.
00:15
Jmike Folson
I'm Jmike Folson.
00:16
Case Aiken
And I'm Case Aiken.
00:17
Addy Thomas
Thanks for joining us for another session of the Scruffy Nerf a Star Wars D20 story. We will continue our story in just a minute. But don't forget, you can go to our website, certainpov.com and check out all of our podcasts. We got Certain Point of View. We've got another pass. We've got fun and Games with Matt and Jeff. All of that is on our website, certainpov.com let's introduce the characters in this D20 story. Actually, I won't. I guess. For me, Right? Can I.
00:46
Case Aiken
You can go ahead and say that. Who you've been playing up until this point.
00:50
Addy Thomas
So, I'm Adi Thomas. I've been playing Fosho, the Force Adeptus. Not just a Force, a Light Force user. But he has gone full on to the dark side.
01:00
Ben Milton
He doesn't make good choices, I'll tell you that right now.
01:02
Addy Thomas
I made good choices. I'm just a little impatient. Jubilee and I just gotta move things forward.
01:07
Undefined
Jubilee.
01:11
Addy Thomas
All right, mister. I fixed a Droid that didn't do anything.
01:14
Jmike Folson
Hey,.
01:19
Ben Milton
And I saved your ass for falling out into space too.
01:24
Addy Thomas
Anyway, moving on. So, yes, I've made some interesting decisions from a particular point of view. It was the right decision because we got to go back and help the Rebel Alliance.
01:38
Ben Milton
Marty.
01:38
Addy Thomas
We gotta go back.
01:41
Undefined
Who are you?
01:42
Addy Thomas
Ben.
01:42
Ben Milton
I'll be playing the role of Phallus Vag Killer. I am a human friend cringer. And a one time close friend of yours.
01:51
Addy Thomas
We just never made the connection.
01:53
Ben Milton
No, we did.
01:53
Addy Thomas
We were always in different places.
01:55
Ben Milton
Yeah, like ships crossing in the night.
01:57
Case Aiken
It was like Ross in season one of Friends and Rachel and season two of Friends.
02:01
Ben Milton
So much. So much. I'll be Rachel.
02:05
Addy Thomas
I knew you.
02:05
Case Aiken
You are Rachel.
02:08
Undefined
Yes, That's.
02:10
Ben Milton
No, that's it. That I'm Rachel. That's.
02:12
Jmike Folson
That's good.
02:12
Ben Milton
I'm gonna leave it at that. I can't beat that.
02:14
Case Aiken
Eventually you'll become, like a successful buyer at Bloomingdale's.
02:17
Ben Milton
Oh, God only hopes.
02:19
Jmike Folson
Dear God.
02:20
Addy Thomas
And then. J. Mike. Who are you?
02:23
Jmike Folson
I play a character named Stembol. Tenure. I'm a Zach Brack tech specialist. The only Zach Brack in the known galaxy. Apparently, here by myself, you have a.
02:33
Addy Thomas
Little bit of backstory.
02:34
Undefined
I'm the only one.
02:36
Addy Thomas
You're the last of your kind.
02:37
Jmike Folson
Yes. Really? Yes. We haven't seen one, have we? It's not like a planet of Zabrax. Been everywhere.
02:43
Addy Thomas
It's a big galaxy, dad.
02:44
Case Aiken
You guys have been to very particular places so far.
02:47
Ben Milton
Yeah, I just got what you were saying.
02:59
Addy Thomas
And then, of course, the. The last, but definitely not the least we've got are all seeing Dungeon Master.
03:05
Case Aiken
Yes, yes. I am guiding you along.
03:08
Ben Milton
This.
03:08
Case Aiken
This weird, weird adventure where all of you had made choices that I didn't see coming. And. Yeah, on that note, why don't you guys surprise me and I'll roll a D20 for the recap.
03:26
Ben Milton
I got a 1211.
03:28
Jmike Folson
Mine fell off. It's a 20.
03:31
Case Aiken
All right, so you get to pick.
03:33
Jmike Folson
Can you. Yeah, let's have case do it today.
03:37
Ben Milton
Oh, that's dirty pool, young man.
03:38
Addy Thomas
Yeah, I. I never realized case was an option to pick for.
03:41
Ben Milton
Damn it.
03:42
Case Aiken
I have been silently avoiding that.
03:45
Ben Milton
Well played, J Mike. Well played.
03:48
Case Aiken
God damn it. All right, nicely done. What do you guys think? Do you do everything?
03:55
Ben Milton
Yeah.
03:56
Undefined
Yeah.
03:56
Ben Milton
Okay, let's. Let's hear it.
03:58
Case Aiken
All right, so when we began this game, we had, like, a little mini episode where we had everyone roll for the stats of the characters. The reason you guys suck at so much at everything is because we rolled the classic D6 down the line so that everything was up to chance. And as a result, middle of the road is about as good as you guys get.
04:20
Ben Milton
Yeah, it's harsh, but true.
04:22
Addy Thomas
Pretty much mediocre.
04:26
Case Aiken
We concluded that session with you guys a 10, attending the ceremony at the beginning, at the very end of A New Hope, where Luke, Han, and Chewie were given medals, even though many of you participated in the Battle of Yavin 4. And you guys walked off really upset about the whole thing. And so you all had to go to respective posts. In some cases, that was guard duty. In other case, those were your own posts in the privacy of your own room. At the end of that session, the Empire showed up because obviously they were eventually going to catch up to you guys. You eventually have to abandon Yavin 4.
04:57
Case Aiken
So the next session opens with you guys trying to make your escape, failing miserably, getting lost in the wilds of Yavin 4, fighting your way back to your base so that you could steal an Imperial ship to get up into space. And that's where we left off. The next one was you guys were out in space, and you had to figure out how the you were gonna.
05:14
Addy Thomas
Get out of there.
05:15
Case Aiken
And it was a pretty brutal bit of space traveling that. That led to you eventually making a jump to try to catch up with everyone, but you were really just trying to.
05:26
Ben Milton
I don't remember any of this.
05:27
Undefined
This.
05:28
Case Aiken
Well, this is the one where Commander Cotswold had to. Had to give his life to.
05:32
Ben Milton
Oh, yeah.
05:32
Case Aiken
To let a bunch of you out. You guys were doing. Dropping bombs and that part I remember.
05:37
Addy Thomas
You don't remember the famous fire extinguisher move?
05:39
Case Aiken
That was where the fire extinguisher first showed up. Okay, okay. Yeah. That was actually like a really, like, good dog fight for you guys.
05:44
Ben Milton
Like, that was.
05:45
Case Aiken
That was pretty badass. Then you guys fled, trying to stay on a low profile, and you went to Fossa's Atoll, wherein it was a repurposed droid command ship from Phantom Menace. And it had become this big trading outpost. And you were guys kind of like moving around, trying to sling your bullshit. You encountered some weird shit, including Reggie, who was a clone trooper who was the chief of security there.
06:12
Addy Thomas
Gotta pour one out for Reggie.
06:17
Case Aiken
But eventually things went kinda weird. The Empire showed up, and Reggie sort of led for you guys getting out of there. The second major incident of a fire extinguisher, as he used it to propel himself back to your ship after suicide running. The one that he was piloting, kind of like in Titan ae.
06:36
Undefined
Oh, my God, I forgot about that. Oh, my God.
06:40
Addy Thomas
You skipped over the.
06:43
Ben Milton
Smokey.
06:44
Case Aiken
I said you encountered weird things. I was trying to avoid talking about Guppy, the Mon Calamari pimp that made a T shirt. That did make a T shirt.
06:54
Addy Thomas
It's a slab.
06:55
Case Aiken
What's my flippery finger say to your face?
06:58
Undefined
It's a slab.
07:01
Case Aiken
Oh, yeah. You finally got to the Rebellion Rendezvous, and basically it wandered right into another Imperial. Not trap, per se, because they had already caught up to the rebels. You finally catching up to them ended up with you sort of coming in behind them, actually. So you're able to do what you could to help people get away. And then you were tasked specifically with trying to get to a ship where there were a bunch of survivors.
07:26
Addy Thomas
That was a fun episode.
07:27
Case Aiken
Yeah. So you got to the ship the Cosmopolitan Swift. And by the way, you've named your own ship, which is a Y Wing Bomber, like a large size one. You renamed that one the Susan. You found this crew, which is a mishmash of people, including a particular Gungan named Slippery Jim, who was not too thrilled about the idea of bringing a clone trooper onto his ship. But then other troopers boarded the ship, and you guys had to put on magnetic boots and spaceship space suits to fight them on the hull of the ship. Therein, Corey discovered that they were in space when he proposed leaping above the characters. And I was like, you understand that you will not stop.
08:07
Ben Milton
That's how space birds, even in Star wars, that's how space works.
08:12
Addy Thomas
Super times.
08:17
Case Aiken
But from there you got away. You got the hackers away, or the slicers, I should say, that were on among the crew so that you could try to go to a space station where you could hijack an Imperial signal. And instead of just putting out a broadcast, you actually found a ton more data than what you were looking for. Like all this information on like a secret project and also potentially on an assassination. So you traveled to the ruins of Alderaan by way of stopping at Cloud City. Along the way,.
08:50
Addy Thomas
Don't forget, we got some amazing Bantha wings.
08:52
Case Aiken
That's true.
08:55
Jmike Folson
I lost my money.
08:56
Addy Thomas
It's also where we picked up ourselves.
08:58
Case Aiken
Sorry. So.
08:59
Ben Milton
And.
08:59
Case Aiken
And also I forgot you. You made a stop along the way to a casino in space run by a hut wherein there was some frisky business.
09:09
Addy Thomas
Whatever happened, I remember that episode.
09:12
Ben Milton
I definitely remember that one.
09:13
Case Aiken
Even though we promised we'd never speak of it again.
09:15
Addy Thomas
Yeah, we don't speak of that.
09:16
Case Aiken
No, I think about it, but. So you guys go to the. The graveyard of Alderaan, the. The ruins of it. And you find a. A high ranking Imperial like politician who has come to pay respects. He was from Alderaan originally. You board the ship, you convince him that the Rebellion had nothing to do with destroying it. Because you've had earlier discovered propaganda making it sound like Alderaan was destroyed by the Rebellion as an act of war against the Empire. And you convince him. And that's cool. Except for three Imperial Guard show up on the ship and you guys have to fight your way off as they hack you guys apart. You get away from the asteroid field only to be confronted by a Star Destroyer. And even though were course this two weeks prior to the release of the Last Jedi, still better.
10:05
Case Aiken
The way that you guys got away is that one of your allies took the Cosmopolitan Swift alongside Reggie and powered it up to light speed and collided with the Star Destroyer while you guys made a blind jump.
10:22
Ben Milton
Still bitter.
10:22
Case Aiken
Yep, yep.
10:24
Jmike Folson
It came out.
10:25
Case Aiken
We recorded two weeks before and it came out two weeks after. And it was a moment in theaters where we all were sitting there together and I was hitting you all aggressively.
10:36
Undefined
I stole our shit.
10:39
Case Aiken
Then from that blind jump, you guys crash landed on the planet of Killia, which is a backwater fallen into ruin. Former colony of the races of humanity. You encountered a group of Force Users which are as best as you can tell, like maybe the Jedi tradition devolved into like this weird redneck hillbilly version or maybe some just thing that sprang up from the Force called the Killian Rangers. You assisted them along the way, especially trying to recover a lady of a noble house that had been kidnapped. Except for when you go to pursue the scenario, you discover that there is a Dark Force user who has a very compelling speech with adi and was it. It was ET or rather he starts. Yes, yes. Said Darkforce use happens to be a member of the Esogians, which is the.
11:28
Case Aiken
The race of aliens that is ET.
11:30
Ben Milton
And that's all out.
11:30
Jmike Folson
He did.
11:34
Case Aiken
So I.
11:36
Undefined
He spoke two words.
11:37
Jmike Folson
Addie.
11:37
Undefined
He was.
11:38
Ben Milton
He was efficient.
11:40
Case Aiken
He was phoning home to year hard from very early on in the show across the Force. But he started to say what his basic idea was and Addie was like, I'm in. That sounds great and we're totally for it.
11:55
Addy Thomas
I didn't even wait to hear benefits. No.
11:59
Case Aiken
It was so sudden that I had a whole speech prepared that I had to like cut off at the first paragraph.
12:06
Ben Milton
Have you ever thought about sales case?
12:09
Addy Thomas
You would prep me by speaking to me across space. I was like, well, destiny, baby.
12:14
Case Aiken
So you leave pretending like you saved the day, even though there were some casualties as they tried to catch up to you. And you guys fled, you encountered other peoples who were interested in hearing more. ADI was going to like infiltrate this group and like really sort of butter everyone up and make him think that he was Jesus. When. When Phallus Vag killer was acting as his. As his John the Baptist. And it was going great, you know, a lion roaring in the desert really like speaking about the value and awesomeness of Fosho when Fosho decided to murder his political rivals in Jesus doing that with fireworks. Yeah. With the power of the Force and mind controlling everyone while your Killian Ranger friend, fled into this hedge maze that was outside of the. The territory of this noble house.
13:09
Case Aiken
While Fosho was commanding people to go off and catch the members of the ship that are members of the Susan. Like the people who are still on the ship at the crash site.
13:20
Ben Milton
They're the worst.
13:21
Case Aiken
And that is basically where we left off. Noting that in the hedge maze you guys realize that there was the distinct feeling of something stalking you.
13:31
Ben Milton
Right.
13:33
Case Aiken
So we're going to open with Foshou now in the throne of House Fredor. With people coming and bowing before him and a voice calls out to him first.
13:53
Undefined
Sure.
13:53
Case Aiken
You must make sure that the people you came with are rounded up and need to see your light.
14:04
Addy Thomas
What is our next move, my master?
14:07
Case Aiken
Send all the men. Find both your immediate companions who have fled from you. They cannot be allowed to go on. But also make sure that you send a contingent to round up your ship.
14:20
Ben Milton
What is it?
14:21
Case Aiken
The Cirazan. You must bring those people here, including the outlanders. And you must make them see the wonder that is your light.
14:38
Addy Thomas
Very well. We shall. We shall add them to our company. And we shall continue to build our forces. Rangers, go and go to the Susan and retrieve all that you find there. Any that resist, you may eliminate.
14:56
Jmike Folson
Good. Good.
14:59
Case Aiken
Everything is going according to Plum. We cut to Phallus, Vag, Killer, Stembolt, Tenure and Fen in this hedge maze. You guys have all come to the conclusion that there is definitely something in there with you. But you think you have lost the guards of the town.
15:28
Ben Milton
Okay, I don't recall. Do we have. We don't have our blasters on us, right?
15:32
Case Aiken
We left everything back at the Catholic seized from you.
15:35
Addy Thomas
Yeah, I grabbed force. Grab a dick.
15:37
Ben Milton
Jerk dick.
15:39
Undefined
You were shooting at me.
15:40
Ben Milton
You were shooting at me, he says.
15:42
Jmike Folson
I didn't want to get hit by fireworks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
15:48
Ben Milton
I don't have my fiber blades either. Right. No, we don't have any weapons.
15:52
Case Aiken
No, he said it was all like snatched away from you. Finn is still holding on to his blaster, but that's it.
15:56
Ben Milton
Oh, thank God. Finn. All right, well, let's get the hell out of here before whatever this thing is eats us.
16:01
Jmike Folson
But which way? Like, which way are we supposed to go?
16:04
Ben Milton
We decided were going back towards the ship.
16:07
Jmike Folson
We're in a maze.
16:08
Ben Milton
We're gonna go right.
16:09
Case Aiken
We'll have to get out of the maze.
16:11
Ben Milton
All right.
16:11
Case Aiken
Don't you know.
16:12
Jmike Folson
Yeah.
16:14
Case Aiken
Oh, yeah. So we should. We should proceed. Unfortunately, I've very turned around at this point. Oh yeah, me too. So let me see.
16:23
Ben Milton
What do I got?
16:24
Case Aiken
Let's see.
16:24
Jmike Folson
We.
16:25
Case Aiken
I. Okay, so I think we came that way, but. So there's a way to off to our left and then it looks like a little bit way up and then to the right. Okay, we came from behind us. I'm. I'm. I'm 90%. Hold on, let me. Let me confirm how certain I am. 18% Certain.
16:45
Undefined
18%.
16:47
Ben Milton
So you're not certain at all. So you have no fear idea?
16:51
Case Aiken
I. I can say that much like that. Yes. 18% Certain that behind us.
16:55
Ben Milton
How did you do that math? 18. Well, the.
17:00
Case Aiken
Our system of counting here is based on 12s.
17:02
Ben Milton
Oh, well, that makes sense.
17:05
Case Aiken
Does it?
17:05
Ben Milton
No.
17:07
Addy Thomas
That's why I don't let people ever tell me the odds.
17:11
Ben Milton
Drink?
17:13
Case Aiken
I'm proud of you.
17:15
Ben Milton
That was a really good one.
17:16
Case Aiken
All right, so I want to use.
17:18
Ben Milton
Spot and see if I can figure out anything that might help us. Okay. Where we are.
17:22
Case Aiken
Give me a roll.
17:24
Ben Milton
17.
17:25
Case Aiken
Yeah, with the 17, you can tell that the 18% is, in fact, accurate. Yes. Behind you is the way you guys came from. You can remember that much detail. All right, so because you remember approaching and on the left was where there was one turn, and then up to the up and to the right was another turn, and it appeared to be. That's where it was sort of cut off.
17:43
Ben Milton
I vote left. Anybody object?
17:47
Jmike Folson
Let's go left.
17:48
Case Aiken
I am 77% sure that I agree with you.
17:54
Ben Milton
Wow, that is so specific.
17:56
Undefined
Especially.
17:58
Ben Milton
Especially for a math system based on 12. That is amazing. Amazing calculations. All right, let's go left. I'm into it.
18:07
Case Aiken
All right, so this is really good.
18:08
Addy Thomas
At common core on killing you.
18:13
Case Aiken
It comes to a dead end and then. Or rather, it comes to an end and then flows. Right. So if you guys continue following, then seems to curl around. I don't think we should go that way anymore.
18:26
Ben Milton
Yeah, start going right.
18:28
Case Aiken
Well, you don't think that if you go too much further that way, it's good. You might. There might be a turn off, though.
18:36
Jmike Folson
So let's stop right here and go right.
18:39
Ben Milton
Is there a way to go right?
18:40
Case Aiken
You at the point where you come to, it's a left turn and that's it. Or you go back the way you came.
18:45
Ben Milton
Let's just keep going, see what happens. What's the worst that could happen?
18:49
Jmike Folson
Don't you dare say that. Don't you dare.
18:54
Ben Milton
Would you turn on me, too?
18:57
Case Aiken
Can you guys give me spot checks, please?
18:58
Ben Milton
Yes, I can.
18:59
Case Aiken
Since I'm assuming you're looking around as you're traveling.
19:01
Jmike Folson
Right.
19:02
Undefined
Yep.
19:03
Case Aiken
31. 1931.
19:06
Ben Milton
Yeah.
19:06
Case Aiken
Okay.
19:07
Ben Milton
I rolled a natural 20.
19:08
Undefined
Nice.
19:09
Ben Milton
Thank you.
19:10
Case Aiken
All right, you note that along the right side of the hedge maze, as you are walking, it seems that the pattern of the foliage becomes a little more uniform, as if that's an area that has been. The actual growth of it has been controlled. Vertically speaking, it is a small area that looks that way.
19:31
Ben Milton
Yeah, let's. Hey, guys, let's check out.
19:34
Jmike Folson
Let's check this out.
19:35
Ben Milton
Hold on a second. Touch it.
19:37
Case Aiken
Okay, so you touch it, and very clearly your hand easily moves through this area. It's clearly vines and Growth.
19:46
Ben Milton
Going to Narnia, guys.
19:48
Case Aiken
Without, like, thick branches or anything. It's like a cutaway, hidden entrance.
19:52
Ben Milton
Oh, yeah. Let's go through that.
19:54
Case Aiken
Okay. You come through here, and you are presented with either the option of going right or going straight. You think that going right would take you in the same direction that had you gone, that forward right turn would have been. Gotcha.
20:16
Ben Milton
When we made our initial choice.
20:18
Case Aiken
Yes.
20:19
Ben Milton
Do we get a sense of where the straight will take us?
20:24
Case Aiken
Straight.
20:27
Ben Milton
So lost.
20:29
Undefined
We're gonna die.
20:31
Ben Milton
Can we just burn this place down?
20:32
Jmike Folson
That was my next joke.
20:34
Undefined
Burn it down. Burn it down.
20:39
Ben Milton
Cause whatever it is, gonna kill us before we get out of this thing.
20:43
Case Aiken
That doesn't sound like a terrible idea. Don't you know?
20:49
Ben Milton
Yeah.
20:50
Jmike Folson
Do we have any fire?
20:52
Undefined
He's got a gun. Oh, that's right. You do have a gun.
20:54
Case Aiken
I've got my lance. All right, everyone stand back. He decides to shoot to the right and sets fire to the hedge right there to your right.
21:12
Ben Milton
Not only do we have a monster chasing us, but we just set fire to the maze.
21:17
Addy Thomas
We're trapped.
21:17
Undefined
Fire. We're so goddamn tall.
21:24
Ben Milton
This has been a great run, guys.
21:26
Addy Thomas
I forced lightning. The lady was a bad idea.
21:30
Ben Milton
Can I just reroll a character now?
21:34
Addy Thomas
Fein goes.
21:34
Case Aiken
I'm 90% certain this is a good idea.
21:37
Ben Milton
100% Sure this is a dumb idea.
21:40
Case Aiken
The fire begins to spread.
21:42
Jmike Folson
Of course it does.
21:44
Case Aiken
And you watch it burn and expand. Now, it does look like the area that was fired upon is now actually traversable, as it sort of is burned out. Like, you're standing there, kind of, like, watching it burn, and you're like, okay, cool. This is all on fire. And it's, like, spreading and getting high. It's funny you say that. Everyone could roll. Fortitude saves, please.
22:06
Undefined
Oh, no. What did you do, babe?
22:10
Ben Milton
Oh, no. I rolled a one.
22:13
Addy Thomas
Oh, my God. Oh, that is beautiful.
22:19
Undefined
15.
22:19
Jmike Folson
I got 15. Guys. I think I'm good.
22:22
Case Aiken
Finn and Stimbolt don't seem that affected, but Phallus. You think that the hedge maze here has a secondary purpose of being the same type of leaf that they used to create that ale that you drank before?
22:37
Undefined
Yes.
22:39
Case Aiken
You think that it might be very rich in thc. And so what you're inhaling right now is just. Just very fragrant and wonderful, but at the same time, you kind of want cheese.
22:51
Ben Milton
Oh, God, I do want cheese. He knows me so well.
22:54
Case Aiken
Finn's excited, and he moves into the space that had opened up as a result of this all. But it seems to be a Very tight passageway right there. And meanwhile the. The area off to both your left and right is also starting to burn up a bit. And you are seeing that the. The area of hedge that you are in ran into a wall but had a corridor on the other side of that wall that you could go into as well. So you could either continue straight through or you can go off to the left in this other direction.
23:28
Ben Milton
I have no idea.
23:29
Case Aiken
Finn looks into the direction of like the. The wall that is now burning up. That is if. If instead of you doing that u turn right there, you had gone straight. You think that like that corridor is that direction. And he goes. I am 70% certain that this is the right choice. Don't you know?
23:47
Ben Milton
Yep. I know exactly what you mean. Let's go light it up. Why couldn't have been 72%. That would make sense.
23:56
Case Aiken
It'd be like per dodecum.
23:59
Addy Thomas
Per dog.
24:00
Ben Milton
Decim is a funny word.
24:02
Case Aiken
Yeah. Pradoticum.
24:06
Ben Milton
That might be the name of our new ship.
24:11
Case Aiken
All right. As you guys step through into this new corridor, you guys hear a rustling behind you. And you see what appears to be some. Some sort of creature that is a little bit longer than either of you guys in terms of height. On it's a quadruped. It appears to be feline in style.
24:33
Jmike Folson
Okay.
24:35
Ben Milton
Chitaro.
24:36
Undefined
What?
24:39
Addy Thomas
Wow.
24:39
Case Aiken
You're just looking to make this a furry thing, aren't you? No, it's a. It's a cat.
24:45
Ben Milton
Okay.
24:45
Case Aiken
It's not a cat man. It's a cat.
24:48
Addy Thomas
So if foe had fur.
24:51
Jmike Folson
You're asking too many questions right now.
24:53
Undefined
You know what?
24:53
Addy Thomas
Let's move on.
24:57
Case Aiken
It looks at you and lets out a hiss as the hedge around it collapses and it darts back away from you, avoiding being collapsed and incinerated. But you guys have seen what is in here, right?
25:15
Jmike Folson
The giant cat pussy monster thing. All right.
25:18
Ben Milton
We don't have a lot of time to mess around here. We're to going gonna burn up. But at least we'll go out in a blaze.
25:25
Jmike Folson
Alright.
25:27
Case Aiken
So the area where you come into, you can tell that off to your left it appears to be a dead end. Off to your right is a longer corridor and it looks like there's some turn. But given the shadows and the distance that you're looking at, it's hard to even actually tell which way it goes. And also very shortly off to your right is a. A left turn to go essentially this continue straight the direction that you guys just came through the wall.
25:53
Ben Milton
Oh, we don't want to go back.
25:55
Jmike Folson
That thing's out there waiting for us.
25:56
Case Aiken
No, no, not the opposite direction. Like, if you continuing on.
26:00
Ben Milton
Oh, yeah, let's do that.
26:01
Case Aiken
Yeah. So Finn goes, I have, oh, a 7% per dodecum belief that is correct.
26:11
Ben Milton
Oh, seven. That's not good.
26:14
Case Aiken
How accurate has.
26:15
Ben Milton
Do we really think he is, though?
26:16
Jmike Folson
He's been pretty good so far.
26:18
Ben Milton
So we don't know that we haven't gotten out.
26:20
Jmike Folson
We're still alive. Okay?
26:21
Ben Milton
We're still alive.
26:23
Case Aiken
I've been at best, 48% at best.
26:25
Ben Milton
You're not even. You're not even half right. He's given us 7% that this is the wrong way.
26:32
Case Aiken
Don't you know? I don't know.
26:34
Ben Milton
I don't know.
26:35
Case Aiken
I.
26:36
Ben Milton
Wait, what?
26:37
Case Aiken
I don't know. No, because we. We always assume that we don't know. That's why we say don't you know.
26:45
Ben Milton
All right, we'll address that later. Put a pin in that and we'll come back.
26:52
Case Aiken
This might be a cultural neuroses that we all exhibit. Oh, yeah.
26:55
Ben Milton
Yeah. All right now we got to figure out how to get out of here. We're gonna burn to death or get eaten alive. You say a 7% chance that's the right way. That's not great odds. Let's go the other way.
27:07
Case Aiken
We're gonna trust you, Finn.
27:09
Ben Milton
If you get us killed, I'll be very put out.
27:16
Case Aiken
Well, if I get us killed, then. Then darkness will consume this world. So we better fucking not have that happen.
27:23
Ben Milton
All right, I'm in. Let's go.
27:24
Case Aiken
All right, so you guys continue. As soon as you come around the corner, it forks.
27:29
Ben Milton
Of course it does.
27:32
Addy Thomas
Can I just say, consume was a little bit of a harsh word for what my plans are. I just want to.
27:41
Case Aiken
A little bit of commentary. You guys just hear a voice in the back of your head being like, fosho doesn't believe that this is really that bad. Like, I was just speaking, well, of him, like, a few minutes before, and then he just killed a. But she was a.
27:56
Addy Thomas
To be fair. Sister wives. Come on, guys.
27:59
Undefined
Sister wives.
28:01
Ben Milton
She wasn't the nice one. The first one. That's just bitter now. Okay, fork in a row. So we can go left or we can go right. We've kept going left. Generally,.
28:14
Case Aiken
When fire has not been your solution.
28:18
Undefined
Burn it down.
28:24
Case Aiken
Behind you. You left the ripping sound.
28:29
Undefined
Let's go left.
28:30
Ben Milton
Let's go left.
28:33
Case Aiken
Okay, you guys rush on. Give me spot checks while you're running. Stimbolt noticed a similar pattern to your Right. To what before you had been revealed to be a secret passageway.
28:51
Jmike Folson
Hey, guys, I think it's another one of those secret door thingies.
28:53
Undefined
Let's go here.
28:55
Ben Milton
All right, Touch it.
28:58
Case Aiken
Okay. You guys enter. It's a longer passageway, whereas before, it was just. You basically just, like, walked right through this, like, thick hedge. In this case, you actually are going into, like, this full, like, tunnel. Oh, don't you know, you're. You guys are walking through this area, and you hear behind you the rustling of leaves as that sort of feline creature seems to be emerging its head into the space where you guys just were. You can continue rushing, or you can stand and fight your ground, but you can't see very well.
29:27
Jmike Folson
We don't have any weapons.
29:28
Ben Milton
That's not the right time to fight this thing. You do not want to fight a cat in the dark.
29:33
Case Aiken
All right? So you stumble your way through. It's not directly ahead that it like, it keeps going for a while, but eventually it stops. And you actually have to feel around and to your left is where you emerge from this. This, like, little corridor inside the hedges.
29:51
Ben Milton
All right?
29:51
Case Aiken
And you come. You are in a corner again. So there is off. You can either from. From the way you walk out, you can either go straight and it looks like there's a couple forks ahead of you, or you can go right, which looks like it kind of curls around.
30:06
Ben Milton
Let's go deeper in the maze.
30:09
Case Aiken
Okay. You continue going on.
30:11
Jmike Folson
Finn, shoot something.
30:12
Ben Milton
I don't have a gun.
30:13
Case Aiken
Wait, Finn, to shoot something. Which way should I shoot? Which way should I shoot? Left or right? Left or right? Left or right? Left or right?
30:19
Ben Milton
Left or right?
30:20
Undefined
Left.
30:21
Case Aiken
Okay. He sets fire to a space to the left. It is on fire. As you guys watch it burn it, you can see very clearly that an area that is burning up was yet another passageway through one of these hedges. Since it burns up really quickly, I.
30:43
Ben Milton
Feel so good right now.
30:44
Case Aiken
So you go through that passageway, I'm assuming, or.
30:47
Undefined
Sure.
30:48
Ben Milton
Let's see what happens.
30:49
Case Aiken
I'm not trying to tell you to do it. I'm just saying we're excited because I have no idea. So you come through, and it seems to be you walk into a tight, closed off section, but that same pattern that you saw before is on the other. The wall opposite you.
31:04
Ben Milton
Same pattern.
31:05
Undefined
Let's go through.
31:06
Addy Thomas
Yep.
31:06
Ben Milton
Push a button.
31:06
Case Aiken
Yeah.
31:07
Jmike Folson
So you go through.
31:08
Case Aiken
All right. So you've come through.
31:10
Jmike Folson
Are we out?
31:11
Case Aiken
No, no. You're still in the maze directly ahead of you, it appears that it will fork, give Me. Listen. Checks, please. I rolled a one Tim boat out.
31:27
Jmike Folson
10 Because I have negative one for.
31:29
Case Aiken
Oh, God.
31:32
Ben Milton
I thought there was no way I could.
31:35
Jmike Folson
So I have 10. Yeah.
31:36
Ben Milton
That's fantastic. You're the best.
31:39
Jmike Folson
I know.
31:40
Case Aiken
Stembo, what's your defense?
31:42
Undefined
God damn it.
31:45
Ben Milton
I hope it's bad.
31:46
Jmike Folson
14.
31:47
Case Aiken
All right. This creature pounces upon your back. You guys didn't hear it come up behind you. It slashes you twice, hitting both times.
32:04
Ben Milton
Three times.
32:06
Case Aiken
And give me a strength.
32:07
Undefined
Check.
32:15
Jmike Folson
30.
32:16
Undefined
Damn.
32:17
Case Aiken
Damn. So it tries to shove you to the ground, but you actually resist. It is. It's so it's like leaning on your back, its claws digging deep into your shoulder blades, and it's trying to shove you down. Just like prison. Wow, Ben,.
32:43
Undefined
Not today.
32:44
Case Aiken
It's trying to shove you down, but you are actually resisting. You're holding yourself up. Could you guys give me initiative rolls, please?
32:53
Jmike Folson
18.
32:56
Case Aiken
So, Faust, vag killer, you are first act.
33:01
Undefined
Get it off, Barry.
33:02
Ben Milton
Kick it in the face.
33:04
Undefined
Okay. Yeah.
33:05
Case Aiken
You guys are proficient in martial arts. You all have rebel training. So you are able to punch a thing really hard if you want to.
33:10
Ben Milton
Yeah, I rolled 20. And then melee. That's a hit.
33:16
Undefined
Four.
33:17
Case Aiken
Okay, stem, you are next up. I try to take his paws out.
33:22
Jmike Folson
Of my back and try to, like, keep it from fighting me, I guess. Yeah, because it's probably, like, trying to, like, actually, like.
33:29
Case Aiken
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. If it. If it got you to the ground, I was gonna go for.
33:32
Jmike Folson
Yeah, so I'm.
33:33
Undefined
Shut up.
33:34
Jmike Folson
I'm trying to keep it from biting me. Basically just holding it here.
33:37
Case Aiken
No, no.
33:37
Ben Milton
So you.
33:38
Case Aiken
Success, like, you succeed. You don't just hold it back. You already did that before. Now you can actually, like, force it somewhere. You can throw it somewhere.
33:44
Jmike Folson
I throw it off to the. To the left. Throw it off. Okay.
33:47
Case Aiken
You throw it into the hedge. So even though you throw it into the hedge, it's. It is able to maneuver so it's not, like, entangled in the feet, the branches. It lands on its side or. Yes, it falls to its feet, but is clearly exposed.
34:01
Jmike Folson
Like, it's.
34:02
Case Aiken
It's now facing you with your. Its whole body is as towards you as opposed to its face and claws. Finn has his blade and he. He slashes at it. Unfortunately, the. The cat is able to hop back and miss.
34:19
Ben Milton
Damn it, Finn.
34:21
Undefined
Save yourselves.
34:22
Addy Thomas
What happens when you guys don't have leadership?
34:24
Jmike Folson
Oh, I swear to God.
34:27
Ben Milton
Join us or die. No, that's not what you told your guys.
34:34
Case Aiken
The cat gets back into a. A pouncing position. And makes another attempt to shove J. Mike down to the ground.
34:43
Undefined
What the hell?
34:44
Case Aiken
Could you give me another strength?
34:45
Ben Milton
Check. Please get for loving hello Kitty.
34:48
Undefined
Check.
34:48
Jmike Folson
His baby.
34:49
Addy Thomas
His cat dipped in there.
34:50
Case Aiken
You are pushed to the ground atop you. It's going to try to go for your throat next time.
34:58
Addy Thomas
Finn.
34:58
Ben Milton
We should go.
35:01
Addy Thomas
That's up.
35:01
Ben Milton
Yo, fellas.
35:03
Jmike Folson
Match killer.
35:03
Case Aiken
It is your turn.
35:06
Ben Milton
I will attack it again and save my friend because I'm a good person.
35:11
Addy Thomas
Okay? Tell yourself that.
35:13
Ben Milton
I do at night while I'm alone without any friends. I rolled. Oh, God damn it.
35:21
Case Aiken
An eight that misses. You try to, like, slug it and it, like, raises its head up just enough to avoid, like, the swing.
35:30
Jmike Folson
All right.
35:30
Ben Milton
Mike Tyson punch out.
35:33
Jmike Folson
Can I grab its head?
35:34
Case Aiken
Yeah. Don't grab its head. Wait. Are you just trying to grab it said to prevent it from. From biting you, or are you trying to actually free yourself completely free yourself? I will say this.
35:43
Ben Milton
Free yourself. Okay.
35:44
Case Aiken
I will say keeping it from biting you is easier than freeing yourself.
35:47
Jmike Folson
Keeping it from biting me. Okay. Seems like the people keep missing. Yeah. I feel like that's a great choice right now.
35:53
Case Aiken
So you're. You're holding its. Its head back. It's like clearly, like trying to snap at you, but you're. You're holding it back. Strong is this, Samurai. Apparently quite strong.
36:03
Undefined
Yeah. Cow.
36:04
Case Aiken
All right. It is. Fins. Go screw this up, Finn.
36:08
Ben Milton
Yep.
36:09
Case Aiken
Finn succeeds in hitting it. Finally. He slashes into the creature and does a decent amount of damage.
36:17
Jmike Folson
Cut his head off.
36:18
Ben Milton
Does he cut his head up, though? He misses and cuts your hand off. It's gotta happen to one of us in this game.
36:25
Jmike Folson
All right.
36:26
Case Aiken
Stembolt is not able to see this because he's so locked in combat with this cat. But Phallus does notice this thing when he switches swings his blade. It's the same way it looked when it dug into the flesh of hoof long dung. There's almost like this. This. It doesn't, literally speaking, glow, but to your eyes looking at the blade, it seems to gleam without light. It's the effect of the force where your just attention is drawn to it. It seems super real when you look at the blade.
36:59
Ben Milton
What is in these leaves? Holy cow.
37:04
Case Aiken
And the blade digs in deep into the cat's shoulder. And it actually hops back in response to this. Off of Stimbolt.
37:14
Undefined
Yay, I'm free.
37:15
Case Aiken
And hisses. And then returns around the corner from which it pounced on you from.
37:22
Undefined
Oh.
37:22
Jmike Folson
All right. I think that bought us in time.
37:26
Case Aiken
Nice job, Finn.
37:27
Undefined
Yay, friend. Thank you for saving me.
37:30
Jmike Folson
Because somebody wasn't going to.
37:32
Ben Milton
I tried.
37:33
Jmike Folson
You were trying to run.
37:34
Ben Milton
No, I heard you. I maybe made a suggestion, but I did come to help.
37:39
Jmike Folson
I heard you. You. Dude.
37:41
Ben Milton
It was. We were just exploring options. That's all.
37:45
Case Aiken
We should continue it. It went that way. We should be going that way.
37:48
Undefined
Yeah.
37:48
Ben Milton
He's not wrong. What percentage do you give us there?
37:51
Case Aiken
86 For dodecum.
37:53
Ben Milton
Oh, hell yeah. We're definitely going that way. 86. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Don't you know?
38:01
Case Aiken
Oh, yeah. I am going to propose that we, instead of going that way, we go that way. And he points at the wall.
38:10
Ben Milton
Oh, through the wall. Think we can do it?
38:14
Jmike Folson
Yeah.
38:14
Ben Milton
Oh, let's burn some more of this bush.
38:16
Case Aiken
He sets fire to it.
38:18
Ben Milton
Got this. Yes.
38:21
Undefined
Fire. We have fire.
38:24
Ben Milton
Oh, my God. I'm just going to lay here.
38:29
Case Aiken
In the distance, the direction that it. It forked away from you or. And like, Finn decided it was a bad idea. You hear a snarl, and way away, you see the cat, like, moving towards you guys.
38:39
Jmike Folson
Hey, Failia, Standing right here. Standing right here.
38:47
Case Aiken
As it's rushing at you. Finn turns and aims his. His lance and fires off a shot at the. The feline creature, but he misses.
38:57
Jmike Folson
That was gonna look. However, the creature.
39:01
Case Aiken
Disappears. As it's running, it seems to, like, deek off to the right, as if it just went down a different path to, like, you couldn't quite see it from the distance, but it looks like there was a turnoff. So you wonder maybe it's flanking you.
39:16
Jmike Folson
So this thing is definitely about to jump on us again.
39:18
Ben Milton
That's on you, man. I love. I love this place. This is the best place ever.
39:26
Case Aiken
All right. The wall has burned down enough that you're able to come through it.
39:29
Ben Milton
Oh, yeah.
39:32
Case Aiken
This wall, you can see is stone with vines that have grown on it. Grown on it. So you don't think you could blast your way through it.
39:49
Ben Milton
You can't shoot through stone.
39:52
Jmike Folson
Or can.
39:53
Ben Milton
We don't know till you try.
39:56
Case Aiken
That is an excellent idea.
39:58
Ben Milton
Don't know. What you got?
39:59
Case Aiken
I think. I think that is a.38 per dodecum.
40:04
Jmike Folson
We're gonna skip over this chance.
40:05
Case Aiken
I'm gonna. I'm gonna give it a shot, guys. I'm gonna give it a shot.
40:08
Ben Milton
What happens? What's gonna happen?
40:10
Case Aiken
That's what I want to know.
40:12
Ben Milton
It's gonna kill him.
40:13
Case Aiken
So when he fires at the wall, it does ricochet off, and it hits Phallus. Phallus.
40:23
Undefined
We're all injured.
40:28
Case Aiken
You take 12 points of vitality damage. Damn it.
40:35
Ben Milton
Oh, I'm fine.
40:38
Jmike Folson
All right.
40:39
Case Aiken
I'm a meaty meat man.
40:46
Ben Milton
I want that on a T shirt.
40:50
Case Aiken
So we could go left or right? I feel like we've been down left less, but I also don't know. That's better. I feel like we got like diverted from right.
41:00
Ben Milton
Which way?
41:01
Case Aiken
This I think is the wall. I think this is the side we want to be in, so.
41:03
Ben Milton
And we can we climb it?
41:06
Case Aiken
It's pretty tall.
41:09
Jmike Folson
This vines up there.
41:10
Ben Milton
There's three of us.
41:12
Case Aiken
All right. We can give it a shot.
41:13
Ben Milton
You know what makes great rope? Hemp.
41:16
Jmike Folson
We're gonna try to climb this.
41:17
Case Aiken
Okay.
41:18
Jmike Folson
And see where we go.
41:19
Case Aiken
How are we climbing this? Who is like, I'm assuming this is some sort of one person, second person, third person ladder kind of system or.
41:28
Ben Milton
Are we gonna try to fashion a rope out of the hemp?
41:31
Case Aiken
Is it a cheerleader? Like two people as the base and one person is like the flyer?
41:36
Ben Milton
No, we're gonna do it three high. How high is it? How high is the wall?
41:39
Case Aiken
It appears to be about four people high.
41:41
Ben Milton
Four people high. Alright. Well that doesn't do us any good.
41:44
Case Aiken
It's like you're missing a fourth part of your team.
41:48
Addy Thomas
Dick stayed.
41:50
Ben Milton
You could have stayed and died.
41:53
Jmike Folson
We needed Hoof. We needed Hoof.
41:55
Ben Milton
We need Reggie.
41:57
Jmike Folson
We do need Reggie. All right.
42:01
Undefined
Shit.
42:02
Ben Milton
We need four people.
42:04
Case Aiken
You might be able to climb from there, but it's gonna be. The cat would help us.
42:11
Jmike Folson
Would you want to go ask it?
42:12
Ben Milton
I mean, kinda.
42:14
Undefined
You go ahead.
42:14
Jmike Folson
We'll stay here and wait.
42:16
Case Aiken
Finn goes I.
42:16
Jmike Folson
All right. All right.
42:17
Case Aiken
Well, let's try this. I'll be the base and I will try to use the force as much as I can so that our reach is just a little bit better than it should be.
42:28
Ben Milton
Could you force push us?
42:30
Case Aiken
I can try, but it's gonna be difficult. But I can give it a shot.
42:34
Jmike Folson
Are wearing plot armor?
42:35
Addy Thomas
I'm just imagining. This is gonna be a whole lot more powerful than anyone expects.
42:40
Undefined
He's gonna roll a turkey.
42:42
Ben Milton
Just catapult us across the planet.
42:46
Undefined
Oh my.
42:48
Ben Milton
End up landing on the Susan right on the windshield.
42:53
Undefined
What the hell?
42:56
Ben Milton
This is a bad idea. This is actually even worse than our trying to set fire to the. To the forest, which I still think we should do more of.
43:05
Case Aiken
Stimbolt, you wanna get on my back?
43:07
Jmike Folson
Sure.
43:07
Ben Milton
Of course you do.
43:09
Jmike Folson
All right.
43:10
Ben Milton
Big dumb animal.
43:11
Case Aiken
So we get stumbled on my back and he's. I'm holding off. I'm like, man, you eat your Wheaties?
43:16
Undefined
Damn right.
43:20
Ben Milton
Yeah, we eat the weeds. All right, Reach every Go Gadget arms.
43:27
Case Aiken
All right, so can.
43:31
Ben Milton
And once she's up there, how does that help us? Stuck him to said he could.
43:37
Case Aiken
Stimbolt, give me.
43:40
Jmike Folson
Yeah,.
43:43
Ben Milton
Shut up.
43:44
Case Aiken
Stimbolt, give me a climb check to actually be in position.
43:50
Jmike Folson
You know, I was gonna stay on the ground today.
43:53
Ben Milton
I told you guys. I don't want to say I told you so.
43:56
Case Aiken
So if not up, we can go left or right. I'm feeling right, but I don't know if that's the best choice.
44:03
Ben Milton
Isn't that the direction the cat went?
44:05
Case Aiken
Maybe.
44:06
Ben Milton
Maybe.
44:07
Jmike Folson
Guess. He was in front of us. He ducked off.
44:09
Ben Milton
Yeah, but which way did he duck? Right or left?
44:13
Jmike Folson
I thought it was left.
44:15
Ben Milton
Let's go back to the tape.
44:18
Jmike Folson
I thought he went to the left because were looking straight at him.
44:21
Ben Milton
That would be right.
44:22
Case Aiken
92% Certain for DODEC. I'm certain it went to the right.
44:27
Ben Milton
Let's go to the right. We're gonna kill that cat.
44:30
Jmike Folson
With what?
44:32
Case Aiken
Okay, let's go right. You come up to a. There's an offshoot to the right. And also there is a straight ahead that looks like it probably dead ends.
44:43
Ben Milton
That means it doesn't. Let's go that way.
44:48
Jmike Folson
Sure.
44:49
Case Aiken
All right, you guys continue on. You come to the end of this corridor, and it does seem to be a proper dead end. You don't. Damn it. Obviously see anything.
45:00
Undefined
I hate you so much.
45:02
Ben Milton
Burn it. Burn her way through.
45:05
Case Aiken
As Finn is starting to power up his blaster, the cat comes around the corner that you guys ignore.
45:13
Ben Milton
Nine lives, guys. Nine lives.
45:17
Case Aiken
He fires off a shot at the hedge that he was aiming at and then turns around and fires off two shots at the cat.
45:24
Undefined
Hat.
45:28
Case Aiken
And misses.
45:29
Ben Milton
He's the worst.
45:31
Case Aiken
And misses how?
45:33
Ben Milton
He didn't die. We could have had his old man.
45:35
Jmike Folson
Could have had Griff.
45:38
Case Aiken
So the. The cat is rushing towards you guys.
45:40
Jmike Folson
Stand right here. Fail here.
45:42
Case Aiken
Phis, you're up. Yeah, I am.
45:46
Ben Milton
I'm going to duck behind.
45:48
Case Aiken
At the end of this turn, it will have burned away enough that you can move through the. The space that you set on fire.
45:55
Ben Milton
There's nowhere else to go, is there? Like, we're kind of cornered, right?
45:58
Case Aiken
Yes.
45:58
Ben Milton
Fuck.
45:59
Case Aiken
All right, we gotta make our stand here.
46:06
Ben Milton
I don't know what to do. I don't have anything. Yeah, spot check for anything that might be help. Give me that. Check 26.
46:22
Case Aiken
You think you could grab the vines that are dangling down the stone wall to swing and make a More powerful attack.
46:29
Ben Milton
Yes. Let's do that.
46:32
Case Aiken
All right, so give me a tumble.
46:36
Ben Milton
Check.
46:39
Case Aiken
Yes, Check.
46:41
Ben Milton
Of course.
46:43
Undefined
Eight.
46:46
Case Aiken
All right.
46:47
Ben Milton
I am stoned.
46:51
Case Aiken
You swing over the cat and somehow are now on the other side of it.
46:58
Ben Milton
Later, suckers.
47:00
Undefined
I'm out of here. That was his plan all along.
47:05
Case Aiken
Stimbolt, you're up, jerk.
47:07
Ben Milton
Good luck, fool.
47:09
Jmike Folson
Say we had dodge out of the way or jump out of the way.
47:14
Case Aiken
Yeah. You can choose to be to take a defensive position, in which case you will have an increase to your defense. But you're not gonna be doing anything on this turn.
47:22
Jmike Folson
That works.
47:24
Ben Milton
Just let it happen.
47:25
Jmike Folson
No.
47:26
Case Aiken
Okay, so he's choosing to take a defensive stance. The Finn has a chance to go.
47:35
Ben Milton
See what he does.
47:42
Case Aiken
So he. He shoots the bastard and hits it.
47:50
Ben Milton
Because if he missed, he probably would have shot me.
47:56
Case Aiken
And puts a hole right through its chest.
47:58
Jmike Folson
Whoa.
47:59
Ben Milton
Damn.
48:01
Jmike Folson
Looks like we have a jacket, guys. Good job, Finn.
48:11
Ben Milton
So dark.
48:13
Undefined
See? Have a jacket. Yay.
48:16
Ben Milton
You wear it.
48:16
Case Aiken
Oh, just you wait, because the wall behind you finally finishes burning up.
48:21
Ben Milton
Yeah.
48:22
Case Aiken
And you can see through it, and it appears to be sort of like a nest area. Like, it's, like, collected like the sticks and everything to create a bed. And inside are three kittens.
48:34
Undefined
Aw. This is just like my house in real life.
48:40
Case Aiken
And they're crying. They are very young. They. They look like they're blind.
48:45
Ben Milton
Aw, they're newborns.
48:47
Undefined
I want one. Can we keep it? Oh, my God.
48:51
Ben Milton
We have to.
48:52
Undefined
We can keep one.
48:53
Case Aiken
We have three.
48:54
Ben Milton
Three.
48:54
Jmike Folson
We have to keep them all.
48:56
Ben Milton
Each get one. Oh, I'm so excited.
49:01
Jmike Folson
Having to have it on my backpack like Yoda.
49:03
Case Aiken
Finn says this sounds like a 12 dodecum. That's perfect. Actually.
49:09
Jmike Folson
Look at him.
49:10
Ben Milton
12 Dodecum. Is that like a 1%.
49:15
Case Aiken
Chance that this is a good idea? And he picks up one of the cats and then fires at the next wall.
49:20
Undefined
Let's go. I got a kitty.
49:22
Case Aiken
So you guys each now have a kitten in your charge.
49:25
Undefined
We have an attack. Kitty, kitty. Yay.
49:27
Ben Milton
He's gonna be like, battle cat.
49:29
Undefined
I know.
49:32
Case Aiken
So you each or so the wall beyond actually starts to burn up.
49:36
Ben Milton
Oh, yeah.
49:38
Jmike Folson
We have a cat kitty.
49:39
Case Aiken
And as it comes through, you see that there is an exit off to your left.
49:43
Undefined
Thank God.
49:44
Ben Milton
Oh, we got the kittens. And we're getting out of here.
49:47
Jmike Folson
Yes.
49:47
Case Aiken
Let's watch it.
49:48
Ben Milton
Lead us right back into the damn room.
49:51
Case Aiken
No, you exit, and it's. It's a field out there. You're able to walk out as you walk on in the distance, you can See that the hedge is catching fire at multiple spots and it's spreading and that there's like, clearly there's a troop now fairly far in the distance heading west, which you think would be roughly in the direction of the season.
50:18
Ben Milton
Come on, let's get to the Susan.
50:20
Jmike Folson
Well how we gotta beat them there.
50:22
Case Aiken
Huh.
50:24
Ben Milton
We'll figure it out.
50:25
Jmike Folson
Okay.
50:26
Ben Milton
Oh, hey Finn, do you have any more like you came on tauntauns? Do you still have tauntauns that we could.
50:31
Case Aiken
All of our means of travel are dead. Okay, what about back at the little.
50:36
Ben Milton
Town that we first met, that you first took us to?
50:40
Case Aiken
A several day hike?
50:43
Ben Milton
How far are you from where you found us?
50:46
Case Aiken
From here, about a two day ride.
50:49
Ben Milton
Ride. How far is it on? How is it on a walk?
50:51
Case Aiken
Probably about three, maybe four, depending on how much we hustle.
50:55
Ben Milton
Well, I guess we better hustle.
50:57
Case Aiken
You guys are traveling along and eventually you come up over a hill and you see a lot of these quadrupedal creatures with curving horns and coarse curly brown fur covering their bodies.
51:15
Addy Thomas
Don't get too excited.
51:16
Case Aiken
Give me spot checks, please.
51:19
Ben Milton
Give you so much spot check right now. 30.
51:25
Undefined
What?
51:27
Ben Milton
So much spot check.
51:28
Jmike Folson
15.
51:30
Case Aiken
All right, stimbolt, you're able to tell that this is a large grazing creature, but Phallus, you actually are very clearly able to see that these grazing creatures are come up a little bit taller at their neck from where a human stands. They're like very large kind of bovine looking creatures. You don't know that much about like specifics, but you do know what these creatures are. These are nerfs.
51:55
Jmike Folson
Oh,.
51:57
Undefined
We did it. Game over, man. We did it. We're having nerfs. We did.
52:04
Ben Milton
Let's just live here and become nerf.
52:06
Jmike Folson
Herders with our attack kittens.
52:08
Undefined
Yes.
52:08
Case Aiken
To protect us.
52:09
Jmike Folson
Yes.
52:11
Case Aiken
So amidst this group, you do see someone emerge that's a nerf herder. Addie, would you care to describe yourself?
52:20
Ben Milton
Oh, God damn it.
52:21
Undefined
What the hell?
52:22
Addy Thomas
Hey y'.
52:22
Undefined
All.
52:23
Ben Milton
God damn it.
52:25
Undefined
This game sucks.
52:27
Ben Milton
Hey buddy.
52:28
Addy Thomas
Sort of a, a rugged individual that I'm a little slow, but you know,.
52:36
Case Aiken
I, I, yeah, this, he's wiry, he's, I mean, are you lanky? Are you, are you short? I know like you're not particularly muscular, but you're definitely very nimble.
52:46
Addy Thomas
Yeah, yeah. I, I, I, I'm not big or in bill, but I'm definitely, you know, I, I can, Would you describe yourself?
52:56
Ben Milton
Was lithe?
52:58
Addy Thomas
No, I, I'm gonna go for a little bit more short. And stocky. But I'm. I'm quick on my feet. I'm like an Ewok. He's puck, but taller.
53:11
Case Aiken
Are you hairy?
53:13
Undefined
Yeah, why not?
53:14
Ben Milton
I'm into it.
53:15
Case Aiken
Yeah, I mean, I'd say he's scruffy looking.
53:20
Undefined
Let's see what you did there.
53:21
Ben Milton
Scruffy looking.
53:22
Undefined
Nerf.
53:23
Case Aiken
So you see him in the distance and clearly. And, Addie, would you care to give me a spot check as well?
53:34
Jmike Folson
Well, this is already great.
53:35
Addy Thomas
Three. Say three.
53:41
Case Aiken
So he.
53:42
Addy Thomas
I'm used to being out in these fields. I didn't see none of.
53:51
Undefined
What the hell? All right, you seen y' all around here.
53:58
Case Aiken
So you guys see him, but he does not see you.
54:04
Ben Milton
All right, there's a blind nerf herder over there.
54:08
Jmike Folson
J.
54:11
Undefined
What?
54:12
Ben Milton
Let's go pants him.
54:19
Case Aiken
I feel like I am a solid. Let it be above exactly 50 per dodecum percent sure that I should trust this man.
54:33
Jmike Folson
All right, hang on.
54:34
Ben Milton
I gotta do the. I gotta do the 50 dodecum 112. So it's less than 50%. All right. I had to do the math. Wait, what did you say you were 50 todecum what?
54:49
Case Aiken
Sure that we can trust this man.
54:51
Ben Milton
All right, so you're not really, like, you're less than sure.
54:54
Case Aiken
Don't you know?
54:54
Ben Milton
Yeah, we got to talk about that at some point. Let's keep that pinned in that. Because I really do want to come back to that. Okay.
55:03
Case Aiken
You keep saying. Yeah,.
55:06
Ben Milton
At this point. I know. It's the culturally appropriate response.
55:11
Case Aiken
The cultural appropriate response is to smile and nod so that we pretend that we both know even if we don't, so that we can move on with our lives.
55:18
Ben Milton
Yeah.
55:20
Case Aiken
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
55:21
Ben Milton
Yeah. All right.
55:22
Jmike Folson
We're so dead.
55:24
Ben Milton
Should we go talk to the nerf herder? You know what?
55:26
Jmike Folson
You only get, like, this chance once in a lifetime.
55:29
Ben Milton
Of course it's true. We maybe get some good tips.
55:32
Case Aiken
All right, guys, let's go talk to this scruffy looking nerf herder.
55:35
Ben Milton
We should not.
55:35
Undefined
Oh.
55:36
Ben Milton
Oh, God.
55:39
Undefined
You got.
55:39
Addy Thomas
You guys sure? Nimble, quiet people. Although I'm not sure if y' all are people.
55:47
Undefined
You're.
55:47
Addy Thomas
You're kind of a horny bastard, aren't you?
55:50
Undefined
Did you say that?
55:51
Case Aiken
Oh, yeah. This is my friend. This is Stimbolt.
55:55
Addy Thomas
Stimbolt.
55:56
Undefined
Stimbolt.
55:57
Case Aiken
Tenure.
55:57
Addy Thomas
You gotta be a foreigner with a name like Stimbolt. He'll call you Horny.
56:04
Undefined
I'm gonna call you Horny.
56:05
Case Aiken
He's not from around here, friend. I am Finn Killian, Ranger.
56:11
Undefined
Hi.
56:11
Jmike Folson
Finn.
56:12
Undefined
You one of them rangers?
56:13
Case Aiken
Oh, yeah. Don't you know?
56:15
Ben Milton
Yeah.
56:16
Addy Thomas
That's impressive.
56:17
Ben Milton
Correct response is yeah. You are from around here.
56:23
Case Aiken
Cultural taboos.
56:25
Addy Thomas
Oh, yeah, but I'm out here with the Nerfs. I don't. I don't associate with people proper like.
56:33
Case Aiken
Oh, yeah, I'm 80.
56:35
Ben Milton
86.
56:37
Case Aiken
I'm 86 per dodec. I'm positive that this man, while uncouth, is perhaps the source of our salvation.
56:47
Addy Thomas
I. I just want to say I don't do a lot of spot checks. Last time I did a spot check, mama said spot was sent to a farm up north.
56:56
Undefined
Good fun.
57:01
Case Aiken
So sorry, what. What is your name? I. I've told you mine. I'm Finn.
57:05
Ben Milton
Oh, my name.
57:06
Addy Thomas
My name's Arvis. Arvis Reed.
57:11
Case Aiken
Hello, Arvis.
57:13
Addy Thomas
Yes, Arvis.
57:14
Ben Milton
Makes sense.
57:15
Addy Thomas
Well, what's your name? That makes sense. I don't quite like the tone you're taking there.
57:22
Ben Milton
I didn't mean any offense. Yeah, I'm sorry.
57:25
Addy Thomas
Well, you remind me of my cousin.
57:26
Jmike Folson
Huh?
57:27
Case Aiken
Pretty.
57:28
Addy Thomas
I don't like my cousin.
57:30
Ben Milton
She's having a pretty.
57:32
Addy Thomas
He's a Nerf. I don't like Nerf.
57:39
Undefined
Who does?
57:42
Ben Milton
Not much to like about somebody who'd fuck a Nerf.
57:46
Addy Thomas
Speaking of which, you quit eyeing my nerves.
57:48
Undefined
I'm not eyeing your nerves.
57:50
Ben Milton
I mean, in a way, I, I.
57:52
Case Aiken
Wouldn't mind riding the Nerf.
57:53
Undefined
Nerf.
57:54
Addy Thomas
That's how it starts.
57:55
Case Aiken
What do you do with your nerves?
57:57
Addy Thomas
I heard them. I'm not a Nerf rider or a Nerf.
58:02
Undefined
I'm a Nerf herder.
58:03
Ben Milton
So you just put them in a field all day?
58:06
Undefined
That's it.
58:06
Ben Milton
That's all they do.
58:07
Case Aiken
And sell them.
58:08
Ben Milton
Do they have milk?
58:09
Addy Thomas
Yes.
58:10
Ben Milton
What do you sell them for?
58:11
Addy Thomas
I, I. Family takes care of that. I just take care of. Oh, you have family and animals?
58:15
Undefined
Yeah.
58:16
Case Aiken
Oh, we have these kittens. Yes. These. These kittens would probably appreciate some Nerf milk.
58:23
Addy Thomas
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
58:24
Ben Milton
Oh, thank you. That's very kindly of you.
58:27
Case Aiken
We feed a Nerf milk.
58:30
Ben Milton
It's.
58:30
Case Aiken
It's a magical scene. All three kittens.
58:33
Ben Milton
God, I love my kitten. I can't wait to name it.
58:37
Jmike Folson
Good.
58:38
Case Aiken
Good kitten. Good kitten.
58:39
Ben Milton
I'm totally gonna be a Bond villain.
58:44
Case Aiken
Well, tell you friend. So we need to continue heading west ouya. And if you are able to assist us, at least with pointing us the. The right road, I'm sure you've traveled these ways as a nomad and potentially maybe find us some mounts. Well, we, at the very least we could. I guess we could show you a thing that you would never see otherwise. Right,.
59:17
Addy Thomas
That sounds a little ominous there.
59:19
Case Aiken
Sorry. I'm gonna put my bayonet away.
59:22
Addy Thomas
Thank you.
59:24
Case Aiken
So these fine folks, don't you know they're from elsewhere? They're from outer space.
59:31
Undefined
Well, that. That's.
59:32
Addy Thomas
That's some fancy. Wait, how did you get here?
59:36
Ben Milton
From outer space?
59:37
Case Aiken
Apparently we all are from outer space. But they are more recently from outer space.
59:41
Addy Thomas
I tell you, I dreamed of going up into space.
59:44
Ben Milton
In your head movies? Yes.
59:47
Undefined
I have head movies.
59:49
Addy Thomas
How'd you know about head movies? You guys learn a lot, don't you?
59:53
Undefined
Yeah.
59:55
Case Aiken
They have access to so many books. So many books that you can read.
01:00:00
Addy Thomas
As long as we just stop by the farm first and I get my other cousin, the one that doesn't fuck nurse, to take care of to watch the herd.
01:00:08
Case Aiken
Is it Larry?
01:00:09
Addy Thomas
Yeah.
01:00:09
Ben Milton
Yes, of course it is.
01:00:12
Addy Thomas
Yes. Larry can watch the nurse.
01:00:15
Ben Milton
Okay.
01:00:15
Undefined
And.
01:00:16
Addy Thomas
And I can help you guys navigate these hills.
01:00:20
Case Aiken
Oh, yeah, that sounds great. Why don't, you know, show us to your farm and set us up with some mounts and maybe show us the way to continue west. We're going to the Badlands. And you'll, you know, we'd be happy to have you along with us. We'll can use all the help we can get at this point. Especially that hasn't fallen victim to the powers of Fosho. Actually, wait, let me try something.
01:00:46
Addy Thomas
I don't know what this faux show thing is you guys are talking about, but I'm sure willing to help.
01:00:51
Case Aiken
He tried. Finn tries to read your mind and goes, oh, yeah, too much white noise. We should be good.
01:01:03
Ben Milton
Okay. You don't happen to have tauntauns at the farm?
01:01:08
Addy Thomas
We have a few.
01:01:10
Case Aiken
Splendid. All right.
01:01:11
Undefined
Yay. We're getting tauntauns, guys.
01:01:16
Case Aiken
Well, shall we head to your farm?
01:01:17
Addy Thomas
Absolutely. Let's go.
01:01:18
Jmike Folson
Nerfs and tauntauns.
01:01:24
Addy Thomas
I may be slow, but I could still hear if you try to kill me and don't. I may be slow. Like, I mean, seriously, I may be.
01:01:32
Undefined
Slow,.
01:01:35
Addy Thomas
But I. I still keeping my eyes on you. Nerf.
01:01:41
Jmike Folson
Yes, that should be your new nickname.
01:01:46
Ben Milton
I want it on a T shirt.
01:01:49
Case Aiken
And with that, we head to the farm of Arvis Reed. And we here we are going to end our session.
01:01:57
Addy Thomas
On that note. We will find out more of what Arvis can bring to this merry band of adventurers. Even if Failures doesn't seem so happy with it. Prefer just hanging out. Hanging out with Stimbolt and Finn. Just burning up bushes. Apparently taking a whole episode to get.
01:02:16
Jmike Folson
Through a hedge maze that was a crazy hedge maze.
01:02:20
Addy Thomas
Very complicated. Well, you can find other faster paced adventures on our website.
01:02:27
Ben Milton
Oh wow, that hurts a lot.
01:02:31
Addy Thomas
With the with the Scruffy Nerf readers. You can find out the backstory of how our Scruffy Nerf hunters have gotten to this point, and you can check out our other podcasts. You can also look at becoming one of our patrons. If you enjoy these podcasts and would like to be a part of us sort of expanding what we do on these shows, you can join us on Patreon. All of that again, is on our website, certainpov.com again certainpov.com and until next time, stay Scruffy. My Nerf herders.
01:03:02
Case Aiken
Cpov certainpov.com.