Session 26 - You're a Better Man Than I Gungan Dim!
Phallius has been hit with an arrow from a rival house. Will this new house become friends or foes of the Scruffy Nerfherders? How will Pho Sho navigate these new challenges in his quest for power?
Scruffy Nerfherders Full Episode
Originally aired: June 7, 2018
Podcast Edited by Addy Thomas
Music: Purple Planet Music
Music: www.purple-planet.com
Certain Point Of View is a podcast network brining you all sorts of nerdy goodness! From Star Wars role playing, to Disney day dreaming, to video game love, we've got the show for you! Learn more on our website: https://www.certainpov.com
Support us on Patreon! patreon.com/CertainPOVMedia
Join us on Discord: https://discord.gg/wcHHer4
⏱️ YouTube Chapters
00:13 Welcome and Intros
03:08 Recap Roll
03:26 Corey Recaps
06:46 House Fedor Confronts the Party
09:43 Lady Lien Takes Control
11:45 Treating Phallus’s Wound
14:43 Phosho Reveals His Power
16:13 Rumors of a Heavenly Savior
17:45 Phallus Builds the Legend of Phosho
21:51 Traveling with House Fedor
23:17 Phosho’s Larger Plan
24:18 Finn Warns the Group
27:05 The Sister-Wives of House Fedor
30:25 Entering the Palace City
34:01 The Lost Technology of House Fedor
36:49 Inside the Colony Palace
38:46 Meeting Lord Pricktam
40:46 Phallus Makes the Introduction
42:16 Finn Explains the Evil
45:52 Drinks in the Throne Room
47:32 The Party Gets Drugged
49:51 The Ladies of House Fedor
53:53 Lady Lien Backs Phosho
55:37 Phosho Confronts the Sister-Wives
58:23 Klebold Approves
59:23 Outro
Transcription
00:00
Hey, nerf.
00:02
God damn it.
00:13
Hey, Nerf Herders. I'm Adi Thomas.
00:15
I'm Ben Meltzin.
00:16
I'm J. Mike Folson.
00:17
I'm Corey Putnam.
00:18
And I'm Case Aiken.
00:19
Thanks for joining us for another episode of the Scruffy Nerf Herders, a Star Wars D20 story. We're going to continue with our adventure and just. Just a second. But I just want to remind you can go to our website and check out all the podcasts that are part of certainpov.com we also have fun and games with Matt and Jeff. We have another pass with our very own Case Aiken. We have Certain Point of View, which is now no longer a news and review show anymore. It is now a Star wars only podcast. So we came back to our true love and it is just Star wars all the time. Maybe we'll talk other stuff in bonus episodes, but for the from week to week, it's going to be Star wars episodes here on out.
00:55
You can check out all of those shows on our website, certainpov.com let's get to the adventure and start introducing each of our characters. I'll start with me as Addie Thomas. I am Fosho the Force Adept. I am a Keldor Force user. It's not quite Jedi. Like, I don't have a lightsaber, but I'm, you know, I'm Force Light. That's a Force Light.
01:18
The Diet Force.
01:22
My character's name is Phallus Vaz Killer. I am a human fringer from the outer rim of the galaxy. I'm kind of a survivalist. A little rough around the edges because I was probably raised by Ugnaughts or something like that. And, you know, I rub people the.
01:37
Wrong way, but I'm great at fixing things.
01:39
Rub me the right way.
01:40
Yeah, I do.
01:40
Oh, wow.
01:41
Fixes me right up.
01:44
Jp, go ahead before this keeps going.
01:47
Oh. Tell us your backstory,.
01:51
Sir.
01:53
Go deep. That's what she said. My guy's name is Stembolt's Noor. I am a tech specialist. I am a Zagrac tech specialist. Oh, I thought. I thought you were gonna end there. And now, Corey.
02:12
And then. Go ahead.
02:14
No, serious, it's your turn.
02:15
Oh, no. And then.
02:16
No.
02:16
And then. Got it. Wait, really?
02:20
Hey, guys.
02:21
I'm Corey Putnam. I am Huflung Dung. I am a gun. Gun soldier. And you guys know my backstory already. I don't need to say it.
02:30
No, I think we should hear it.
02:31
Oh, okay. Well, I'm glad you know that.
02:33
We got these nice new mics. Everybody can hear it. Yeah.
02:37
So, yeah, I'm actually a failed pop artist. I grew up on this planet called Nabuti, right by the dung flung bayou in the Manassas Crack valley. And yeah, I'm just joined the rebellion because my hit song was not a hit. Whooping Gungan style. And now I'm here with you guys.
02:58
Hooray.
02:59
And then finally, but definitely not least, we have our game master who sees all and guides us along the path that we take in this adventure case.
03:08
Yes. And I am in this scenario. The. The fickle finger of fate for all of you. And to that end, could I have everyone roll a D20 for me for the recap? 5, 11, 16, 19.
03:26
We get a Cory recap, which I have no clue what happened. So were on a planet.
03:36
Close.
03:37
Yes.
03:37
Warmer.
03:38
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this planet has creatures.
03:40
And were.
03:43
Hammer time.
03:44
Yes.
03:44
We were.
03:45
Hammer timing.
03:45
Hammer timing. I believe that were running away from dragons.
03:50
Close.
03:50
Yeah, Big dragons with X wings for flying.
03:56
Nope, nope, nope.
03:58
I don't want to see a dragon.
03:59
In the next wing.
04:03
We were running. We were being chased. We were in this getaway car kinda.
04:08
Yep.
04:09
Speeder.
04:10
Yeah, it's a car.
04:11
It's the car. In the Star wars universe, the broad.
04:13
Strokes are surprisingly close, but the details.
04:16
Well, speaking of bride, I was trying to stroke a bride in the passenger seat.
04:19
Also true.
04:20
Yeah, there you go.
04:21
Even though she was acting kind of, you know, that time of the month with us for some reason.
04:27
Wow.
04:28
I don't know if I'd say time of the month. She was kind of uppity.
04:30
Uppity, uppity. All of these are phrases I don't like.
04:34
I need an adult.
04:41
Didn't we shoot a fire to say that anymore? This is America.
04:45
America.
04:47
Fire extinguisher.
04:48
Didn't we use one?
04:50
Yes, we did use a fire extinguisher. Caused a diversion. Then there was people in front of us that were going to attack us. And then somehow these dragons went and attacked them. Right.
05:03
Wait, what?
05:05
There was something like that.
05:06
There was something like that, but yeah,.
05:07
I don't know if it was. Exactly.
05:08
I don't think it was people.
05:09
I think it was the creatures.
05:12
Yeah.
05:13
Oh, I thought it was someone on top of a creature or something like that.
05:16
Oh, somebody shot me from another clan.
05:19
For like, from another clan.
05:20
No, that's later.
05:21
Is that later?
05:22
That's near the end.
05:22
Yeah, that was where we ended.
05:24
That's where we ended.
05:25
Not you, me. Oh, keep Going tell your story.
05:28
This is really good mess to edit.
05:32
This is really.
05:32
You're doing great.
05:33
I might just have to leave it as is.
05:34
Yeah, well, you know, that's all I know. You know, I don't remember anything else. I'm sorry, guys.
05:40
All right, good talk.
05:41
Okay, so the long story short, you guys were pursued by creatures.
05:45
Dragons.
05:46
Yes. And got away. But when you enter territory.
05:50
Go ahead.
05:51
House Fedor. Their forces met you, and before you were able to say anything, Phallus Vagular was shot with an arrow and knocked to his feet or off his feet.
06:03
Shot to the heart, irritable.
06:06
I don't give love a bad name.
06:09
You give recaps a bad name.
06:12
This, we know.
06:13
That's, like, a given at this point.
06:20
So I was right. It was people.
06:22
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Again, the broad strokes are pretty accurate right there.
06:28
Yep. We were playing Star wars role playing. You nailed it.
06:31
Nailed it.
06:36
We were all sitting around a table. We were rolling dice. Occasionally things happened and we had to do different things for different types of chance.
06:43
We said we'd never talk about that.
06:46
Travis Vascular has fallen off of his feet, arrow in the chest. The Lady Lien rushes surprisingly quick to him to tend to him. I knew it.
07:02
As.
07:05
Soldiers of House Fedor, all circle around you. Finn lowers his arms, or rather, lowers his weapons, and approaches or trying to give signs of peace. Wait, wait.
07:24
We're.
07:26
We're not like the others. We're. My master has been killed. The evil still lives. We're fleeing from them. Who gave you permission to come to the territory of House Fedora? We're escaping. He's still there. The evil. And upon saying this out to them, the. The combined forces, which is a very large group, all, like, come to a halt. And the. The. Clearly, the captain or the leader of the group approaches. I am Captain Falange. You say the evil still is to our south. Our scouts have always reported that though the territory south of us is dangerous, we. It's been dead. What are these creatures with you? And Finn looks back to you guys, not entirely sure what to say.
08:45
He gives, like, a pleading look to all of you, hoping one of you might be able to either curry some favor or at least be quiet enough not to make this worse. I got an arrow in the chest, man.
09:05
I'm just trying not to die. Oh.
09:08
Who has all their points of diplomacy?
09:13
True.
09:13
This is a good point. Let me see if I can talk the arrow out of my chest.
09:18
Thank you.
09:20
I'd like to roll a diplomacy check against the arrow. Please.
09:29
Proceed. No, no, no.
09:34
Yeah, that's good. Based on that role, that was a good choice.
09:43
Everyone frozen. The Lady Lien stands up and sort of gives you all like the coldest glare possible and walks forward. I am the Lady Lian. What he says is true. The evil is out there. That monster. And the captain, sort of taken aback. He recognizes the name Lady Lian. Oh, wow. But this doesn't explain. What are these things? These monsters?
10:25
I'm bleeding is what I am. I need help.
10:31
The Lady Lynn, hearing that and sort of performatively rushes back to you being like, he's hurt. Your men shot him.
10:40
I'm dying. Hang in there, buddy.
10:46
I. I insist. As one of the great houses to be brought to your masters, I have much to speak with. And these. These beings. Is that you are my rescuers. They. They're not from around here. What? Well then. Well, certainly. Men. Men, prepare a cot. Need to bring this hurt person. Keep your weapons drawn on the creatures though. We'll need to. I don't trust them.
11:37
Gentle. Gentle. It hurts. Oh, God.
11:45
One of the. The soldiers comes up. He's a little more dressed than. Or a little more decorated than the. The average, like, footman. That's. There he goes. I am Lieutenant Ashford. Tell me, human, who. What house do you serve?
12:09
Just.
12:09
We were just trying to rescue Lady Lian. Oh, God. Get this thing out of me.
12:14
Which house do you serve? Which house do we serve? Everybody remember what was Griff guy our family?
12:22
Gryffindor.
12:27
Oh, my God.
12:28
Ravenclaw. Ravenclaw. Ravenclaw. I don't know. Just get this damn arrow out of me.
12:37
Can I cast heal another dead to get him to shut up?
12:41
Yeah, shut the cry off.
12:43
Yes.
12:43
All right.
12:45
I have a med pack, though.
12:48
There's not supposed to be a hole there.
12:54
Yeah, you. You do. Close the wound. The arrow is still in his chest, but he's not bleeding out as much like the skin, subtly. It's already covered in blood, so people can't really see it. Pinches tight around the arrow.
13:12
Oh, you idiot. It's still in my body. You have to rip it to get it out. Now. What is wrong with you?
13:21
It's okay though. He's not dying as quickly as he was before.
13:27
Now it really hurts. It's still in me.
13:30
Can I use move object and then heal again?
13:37
Yeah, sure.
13:39
You have hands. You. I don't really feel like it, all right? I'm not crazy around blood, guys.
13:52
22 To move an object and I want to move. Pull it as quickly as possible.
13:55
Okay. You had initially pull it slowly. You had initially healed him so that it did tighten up first. And then you pulled out the arrow. So it really hurts when he like rips it up. There's like this big like pop sound. It's like. Exactly way better than I can do.
14:18
And then I guess I'll roll my heel again.
14:20
Yeah.
14:21
Now give the heel of a. Why would you do that? That's the wrong way to.
14:28
I also cured your diabetes.
14:32
You're welcome. I don't want sugar.
14:37
Interesting.
14:39
I could really go for some carrots right now.
14:43
The lady Lian stands up. Actually kind of surprised at this whole thing. And gives you sort of a weird look about it. Likewise. All the men sort of are shocked they see you using the Force so adeptly. What done fucked up this time? A Force user. You healed this man?
15:11
Yes, I did.
15:13
Thanks. Is this going to scarce?
15:18
Only the. Only the great nobles of Killia are so. So skilled. I've never seen someone.
15:28
No, but seriously, is this gonna scar like this will make a bitchin story if this scars.
15:32
You will have a story to tell indeed. What is this creature that you accompany?
15:37
This is my good friend Fosho. He is a hero. I. I love him as a best friend.
15:47
That's the nicest thing he's ever sent.
15:49
Ever. All the people who even outside of the game.
15:52
Oh man.
15:54
All the people who had gathered to tend to phallus vagkiller are in awe of faux shou. They all give sort of a bow. Not quite sure what's going on.
16:09
I was just going to do that.
16:12
And they.
16:13
They step back whispering amongst themselves and then telling the other soldiers like. And you can hear this chatter. Give me listen checks to see how well you hear things.
16:23
I don't hear things very well.
16:25
Oh.
16:26
Lost that.
16:26
D 16.
16:31
6. 26.
16:36
Nice.
16:36
I hear it all. I hear it all.
16:41
14.
16:44
Those of you who got better than a 20. You hear discussion where it's like it sounds like all of these people have heard of beings of great power that were going to come save them. Like it sounds like there's some kind of story of like of angels and devils out there out amongst the heavens who would come either to punish or to. To save the beings who come to this land. Like when their ancestors had traveled to.
17:30
Be.
17:32
In where they reside. Now they were fleeing something. But they also knew that there was great good out there. And they're wondering if Fosho was like one of these like angels.
17:45
Okay.
17:45
I got this.
17:47
Diplomacy.
17:49
Boom.
17:53
29. All right. You are Going to be pretty persuasive when you say whatever the bullshit you're about to say.
18:01
Nice.
18:03
I need to stand for this.
18:04
Oh, my God. Yes.
18:05
Are you gonna. Ebony Ma. This.
18:10
I.
18:10
Come be in peace.
18:13
Welcome. Thank you, friends, for coming to our aid. You are in the presence of the great folk show who is a traveler from across the galaxy whose noble deeds are known wide and far from the outer rim of the galaxy to the home worlds of Coruscant. His legendary kindness and bravery is known amongst the peoples of Endor and among the great Wookiee nations of Kashuk. Make way for Prince.
19:06
You're gonna love this guy.
19:12
Sorry.
19:16
Thank you. Brave people of this land. We will gladly help you and aid in any way that Fosho deems you worthy. Fosho.
19:31
Take it away.
19:35
The heavens have sent salvation to House Fedora. The heavens have sent salvation to House Vidor. Ben, the Force surges through you and you have a Force point.
19:47
Yes. Boom, boom. Shakalaka.
19:50
All right, that's how it's done, kids.
19:52
Don't try that at home.
19:54
Wait, you weren't using Force before?
19:55
Nope,.
19:58
Not what I was talking about.
20:00
Yay. I know. Neither was I. Oh, yeah. Forgot you can hear me.
20:08
So, yeah, people. You guys. The rest of you guys didn't really hear the kind of murmuring. And when Phallus stepped forward and said all this, like, people went from kind of, like, in hushed tones, talking about how amazing foe is to like, an open, like, not. Not full on, like, worship. Like, they don't know enough about you yet for that kind of detail. But they. They're all, like, in. In, like, very open curiosity of you. Like, they're. They. They're not fully reverent, but they are, at the very least, like, intrigued and, like, inclined to like you.
20:47
Or even.
20:57
Mika thinks that you're a prince. Phallus. I'm going to assume that while you were doing this whole, like, spiel, you're kind of showing off the wound and how it's like, closed right there. So, like, you. You had, like, a visual component to this whole thing. So, like, people were like, oh, my God. Like, like, that would have been a mortal wound. That was. He was shot to the heart and.
21:15
Guys were to blame.
21:19
We're to blame, dude.
21:22
I'm trying to come up with something and it keeps on.
21:26
That was a good way to work that in.
21:29
Stop brown nosing your jackass. Just pissed because I got a Force point. Trying to smoosh one for yourself, you cheap son of a bitch. On to me. Learn to role play. I'm on to you.
21:51
Yeah. So you guys are moving with this group. You. Finn sort of explains the formation of this army. It's four klepts, is what he says. And it's groups of 75 men each, so it's like 300 total. People are traveling with you.
22:10
Okay.
22:12
So they lead you away, and it's about a day's march when you come to what appears to be this sort of. This palace, which is very clearly to your eyes as even in. Even from the distance, a colony landing pod. Like a. Like, not the main part of the ship, but like, if it was split up for entry into the atmosphere. This is like, one chunk of it that came down, landed, but it's been built up around it. And as you come closer, you guys can all see very clearly that the. The landing impact area has created sort of a. An unnaturally occurred slope that is like, essentially fortification. Accidentally. Like, it's like this big ripple of land that has built up, so it's like a natural or natural wall, but it's been. It's entirely from the. The force of their landing.
23:16
Okay.
23:17
And then that's become sort of overgrown and with vegetation, but it's very clearly now, like, their protective space around this, like, palace that has been built out of a. A landing vessel. Before we get in, I'd like to.
23:29
Just have a quick word with my friend Fosho. Hey, buddy, when we get there, you're gonna have to carry the conversation a little bit, like I set you up, but you're gonna have to, you know, talk to the leader, and I have.
23:43
I have plans for. For. For what? Oh.
23:46
Oh, you have plans?
23:47
Yeah.
23:48
Okay. All right. You got plans?
23:50
Yep.
23:51
Good plans?
23:53
Yep. Plans?
23:54
You got plans? Okay, you want to share those plans so the rest of us are on board?
24:00
No, I don't think you're ready for that yet.
24:02
What?
24:03
Yeah.
24:04
All right.
24:05
Yep.
24:06
Okay. We'll trust you on this one.
24:08
Just play it loose.
24:10
Play it loose.
24:11
Okay.
24:12
We're gonna play it loose. Guys, foe's got a plan, okay?
24:18
Finn sort of. Or comes over and be like, just, you know, I. I trust your plan. I. You seem to be pretty capable with the plan, the. All that, but I also have a plan, so. Try to follow my plan. Does that. Does that work? We should definitely follow his plan.
24:43
He knows the place better than we do.
24:45
I mean, you.
24:48
What would you. What would you suggest to us?
24:51
So we need to explain the gravity of the situation, and we need to make sure that they Understand what's out there. And also well, we need to keep Lord Pricktom in the room at all times.
25:10
Did you say Lord Pricktam?
25:12
That's what he said, yes. Printum Fedor. He's the patriarch of the.
25:18
So we'll stick with Lord Fedor?
25:22
Yes. So he's.
25:26
Do you think Lord Fedora is a danger to us and to our mission?
25:30
Rather, him not being aware of what's going on is more of a danger when we get there. I feel weird saying this about them, but. Just be watchful for his two sister wives.
25:46
Wait, what? Sister wives?
25:48
Yeah. Yes.
25:49
My, my.
25:50
Do you believe the armies of House Fedor would better be serving your House?
25:56
Whose house? I mean, if we could all be unified, that would be. That would be to the best. But I. I'm.
26:06
Right now I'm looking at a bigger picture for this land and it's to unify all the houses.
26:11
Oh, I. Wait, you are really?
26:15
Yes.
26:15
That you think you could. We were just trying to get out of here, man.
26:18
How are we doing the hyperdrive?
26:19
We're unifying right now. You're just focused on the hyperdrive, whereas I'm thinking of a whole army of people that we can lead back to the rebellion and to help us in our fight.
26:31
I mean you've. If there's a general fo.
26:35
Show.
26:38
Well, okay, so let me.
26:40
I have great chicken.
26:41
All right. I like what I hear. All right. It sounds like you do have a pretty big picture plan, so let me propose instead. So you've got the. The broader strategy, but I've got a specific tactic for when we get there. Can I. Can I try that? Since you.
26:59
You know, part of being Definitely have. The part of being a great leader is delegating.
27:04
Then. Then we shall.
27:05
Let me just be very clear. The more you know, we cannot be left alone with his sister wives when we get inside.
27:12
I definitely can't.
27:13
So Krypton Fedor.
27:17
What does that mean?
27:17
Is a well meaning lord, but he is not well informed. And from what we understand, his two sisters who he has courted are the ones really pulling the string. So just beware both. Especially the one they call the wolf.
27:49
Very well.
27:51
If they insist that they are alone with us, there's a good chance that they will silence us. Because it seems that House Fedor. The rumor has been that they prefer ignorance in their people. And it is thought that Pricktim is not a part of this. That he's just as much a puppet of his two wives who are also his sisters.
28:20
Oh, you were Literal. In the sister wives thing.
28:23
Okay.
28:24
Wow. Cool. Yep. We should probably just keep moving through.
28:28
Here as quick as we can.
28:29
Are you sure this is who you want to, like, throw in against the Empire?
28:34
Well, I also see a people here that are living in darkness under. Under the control of these sister wives that shouldn't be led by these people. And if I feel we need to. To remove them and add them to our ranks, I feel that may. That might be a worthwhile choice. Do you disagree? He's.
28:54
He's thinking in the big picture.
28:57
Okay, buddy, where did this come from?
29:00
All of a sudden?
29:01
Our ship doesn't work. How are we gonna get off? How are we gonna get. If they already have a working ship, then what are we doing?
29:07
I don't. I don't wanna. I don't wanna. I don't wanna say this, but he's.
29:11
Making a lot of sense.
29:14
I don't know.
29:15
We just need to get one.
29:16
I need you to know that didn't make me feel.
29:18
We just need to get one ship off of here to be able to bring the Alliance.
29:22
How about our ship?
29:24
We need a new. We need a new base for the. For the Rebel Alliance. We just lost Yavin.
29:29
This is so far. Is this outer. This is Outer Rim, right? This is like way out of the way. Like, this is not really that strategic of a place to have.
29:40
Most of our bases have been in the Outer Rim.
29:42
I know, but we need to start moving inward. Like, that was the beauty of having the play Alderaan.
29:51
Like if you're looking for a rod, wasn't. We didn't have a base on Alderaan.
29:54
Dantooine.
29:55
Dantooine.
29:56
That's what he said.
29:57
I get confused.
29:59
We have so many bases.
30:01
I'm special.
30:03
I can't. I can't be expected to remember them all. Honestly, guys, seriously, I just took an arrow to the chest. You're the fringer.
30:11
Why you bringing up all the stuff.
30:13
That was like five minutes ago.
30:15
Fair enough.
30:15
Get over it.
30:16
Oh, you know what? You're right. You're right. When you're right. You're right. Go ahead. Let's see where this goes.
30:25
All right, well, we should probably hush up a bit. We are approaching the palace and as you guys move towards it, you guys see that very clearly. You're sort of shifting to move around the perimeter of it because very clearly, the sort of. There's a outgrowth of vegetation from that sort of natural barrier that you guys saw that appears to be some sort of like hedge maze clearly has like platforms for people, like look down into it from. So they, they start circling around and they come to this entrance which is like I said, the shape of the ground is this naturally occurring slope as a result of the impact. So the entrance has been clearly dug through that so that there is this huge gate, but it's a little recessed in there.
31:32
And when the armies approach, the doors open and there's this like short tunnel that you guys have to walk through to come in. When you guys come into it, you see around it's. There's a lot of like smaller structures that seem all designed kind of to be like temporary ones that have then been reinforced and like built upon. Like they didn't assume that they were going to be there for a very long time and then they were there for a long time. And give me spot checks on this one.
32:14
I spy with my gun eye. 27 Minus 2.
32:21
Oh man, I had 27, 10, 17, 16.
32:25
17.
32:26
Okay, so for those of you who got higher than a 15, so close you guys can tell the sort of general layout, it feels like more important. Commercial buildings are like closer to that central structure and ones that look more like residential ones are like more to the outskirts. Yeah, effectively. Yeah. It sort of spirals out and then there's like very clearly from where those like residential ones, they're like small, like armories, like spread out around the perimeter so that if they had to like run to the defenses, they're closer to it and they like space to get fortificate or like get weapons to help fortify and then move to the perimeter. And then like the commercial areas are like thus more protected and they have to like fight their way through.
33:23
Those of you who got higher than a 20 actually can fairly clearly tell like what kind of like shops are around in those like commercial areas and like what kind of things are in those armories like beyond just like seeing like, oh, like spears. Okay, what am I seeing? Like you can tell like, okay, the blacksmiths are over there. Those are like where they have like food storage. Like you like you can very clearly if you needed to figure out like, okay, what. Whereas like a place like a textile working area, like that's over that way. Like you have a general, a better sense of layout of the city, how it's organized.
34:01
Yeah, do I see anything like that's.
34:04
Out of the ordinary tech wise or.
34:06
Does everything look like sort of what.
34:09
I would expect to see as far as like bows, arrows, weaponry and stuff like that? Is there any weaponry or armor that.
34:16
Looks more advanced than maybe it should?
34:20
There is no individual tech that looks sort of impressive in all cases. It seems to be the everything that looks like it was built in the last couple hundred years appears to be fairly rudimentary. The only thing that is particularly tech oriented is that there's very clearly a system of lighting that is spread out. That is still. Even though it's daytime, you can tell that it's still functional. That that radiates out from the center structure and it appears to be powered from it. There does appear to be the means of generating a force field around the colony palace. But you're not even sure if it would actually properly cover the space that it now takes up because of everything that's been built up around it and on top of it.
35:15
And the structures that are closer to the palace in some cases have, like, large automated doors for some of those. But those are ones that look like they were thrown up quickly. Temporary structures that are very old versus ones that are more recent.
35:35
Basically everything makes sense. Like they had a crash and then the survivors kind of built up around. Around this.
35:40
Yes. And as time went on, they lost the technology to exactly as they've built up around it. It all sort of makes sense.
35:48
Do I see any kind of, like, religious or like any. Anything like that I can continue to learn about their culture to add to the lore of Fo Sho and take advantage of that?
36:03
Yeah. So you see that there is this recurring theme of kind of a lens being held at four corners that you can see this in a few spots. It looks like it's a culture built around, like, looking up.
36:23
Okay.
36:24
And so you see that sort of recurring motif in both their designs. A lot of the buildings have, like, skylights. Even though they're. So they clearly can make glass. Okay. But that seems like a weird technology to keep in practice relative to some of the other things that they seem to have lost.
36:43
Okay. Cool.
36:44
Perfect.
36:45
Got it.
36:46
Thank you.
36:49
So you guys are escorted into the main palace structure. As you've seen before, the captain clearly has a signet ring that has some sort of transponder that opens the door when he approaches it and entering it inside, you do see much more like technical kind of things like automated like stairways and lifts that are moving around. It's all very slow. Like it looks primitive to your eyes. But it's much more advanced than anything else that's around here. It's not like some sort of technical wonder, but it is a functioning ship. They've clearly maintained it. And you do see sort of, like holographic displays and clearly, like, means of, like, tracking information. The computers are still functioning.
37:38
Okay, cool.
37:40
Very nice.
37:43
You guys are escorted to a lift. And obviously the majority of, like, all these troops have, like, broken up and dispersed. But the. The captain, that one lieutenant you had noted, and another soldier accompanying you up onto this elevator that takes you up extremely high into the structure and opens up to reveal this big throne room.
38:11
What are the captain Lieutenant's names?
38:13
The captain is. Sorry, Captain Falange. And then the Lieutenant and the other one who you find out is also ranked Lieutenant are Ashford and Damson.
38:26
Ashford and Damson. Okay. And. Are there. I know we just are entering this throne room. Other than the king and the sister wives, who else is in here do we have?
38:35
I have not described who's in the throne room yet.
38:37
Okay, got it.
38:40
But it's you guys plus Fen. And then the three.
38:44
Right?
38:46
The doors open up, and you see two guards as well as a man seated on this throne. That's all you see in this room. When it opens up, the man stands up and it's like, oh, hi, guys.
39:05
How's it going? Be a lot harder than I thought. Yep.
39:14
So my men have told me about you guys.
39:17
I hear.
39:19
Is it true? Are you being sent from above?
39:24
Yes, we have come from above. We have come to bring good tidings to your people.
39:31
Wow.
39:31
Tidings. Enjoy.
39:35
It's the gospel according to Fo Sho.
39:40
Now, I see that you're accompanied by a Killian Ranger. And is. You are the. You are Finn? Yes, yes, you are Finn, my lord. And Finn kneels and sort of to you guys.
39:57
Kneel.
39:57
Guys kneels. Oh, it's. Those formalities are unnecessary. And as Finn stands up, he whispers. These are the formalities. They are very necessary. He's required to say that.
40:12
Okay, all right. That must be a formality.
40:15
Beat me to it.
40:19
Well, yeah, I am just happy to have guests amongst my. Amongst my family welcome here. Now, as excited as I am to have guests, especially such eccentric looking ones who apparently are sent from the heavens, I am curious. Why are you here? All right, let me handle this.
40:46
Diplomacy, please. Go ahead. 32.
40:56
God damn it.
40:58
Yeah. How do you like them apples?
41:07
Betty's gonna steal the stuff I've prepped.
41:12
Oh, great Lord Fator, we come as friends and as welcome guests to your land. Thank you for allowing us to be here and for being in the presence of the great and mighty Fosho, who has come from above and through the Stars to come and lend aid to your wonderful land. We are here in peace. We have freed the Wookiees of Kashyyyk. We have seen the mighty warriors of Endor. We have. Can I.
41:45
Can I interrupt?
41:47
Yeah.
41:50
I. Thank you, failures.
41:52
Thank you. Thank you, Kratom, for your very own show.
41:55
Are we supposed to do that, too? Are we supposed to?
42:02
Prince Boshoe.
42:06
Finn's, like, trying to, like, stop, you guys. Wait, hold on. We. I think foe has something to say. Then I have something to say.
42:14
So.
42:16
I want to say thank you for having us here. And I would like Finn to begin this before I make any statements.
42:26
Thank you. Yes, Lord Pricktam. F. Or. Oh, please, call me Prick.
42:35
Damn it. I know. Can't do it. He looks like a prick.
42:40
Did you say rick?
42:42
No.
42:42
Prick. Prick. Prick with a P. Like, when you.
42:46
Look at me, do I look like a Rick to you?
42:48
No, you look like a pr.
42:55
Okay.
42:55
Diplomacy, Lord Prick.
43:01
The evil is still out there. The one who threatened our lands years ago, who our people rallied against. He's still out there. We were forced into his lair, and he killed my master. My master. Griffith House Tiank. He's died. And what's worse is he may not be truly dead.
43:33
What?
43:35
Child? What do you mean, not truly dead? What sort of riddles do you speak in? Well, he. We were faced with an abomination, some sort of construct crafted by dark power. And my master was slain. And then his body was stitched together through the dark energies of the Force, and now stands as a soldier of darkness, but like some sort of twisted marionette of malice. You all saw it?
44:26
Yeah, I'd call it more like a zombie.
44:30
We saw it, and it is a great danger. But there are many great dangers that we're facing. And I would like to address not just you, but your people. Is. Is that. Is that possible?
44:47
Well, if. I mean, if the. If the evil is back, we. I've heard no such thing from my. From my scouts. My people have not said anything to that effect.
44:56
But this evil is a crafty one. It is one that. That is able to hide because of some. Because of some of the. Well, let's just say right now your society isn't prepared for this evil.
45:10
I. I see. Well, though.
45:15
Well,.
45:21
This is really heavy, man. Guards.
45:25
This is really heavy, man.
45:31
I think these. These fine things. Things. We'll go. We'll go with things. Guys, I'm a human.
45:39
I'm right here.
45:42
Yeah, but once you get an arrow pulled out of you, I mean, are we ever.
45:45
In front of him. Really, really human.
45:48
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Really human.
45:52
All right. Well, I. I could use a drink. Oh, guards, can we have drinks for my guests? Guests? Is that a little more feeling?
46:03
This guy is a prick. I like him. Yeah,.
46:07
We should have drinks. And while you're at it, inform the ladies, you dumbass. At which point Finn, you can hear under his breath going, f.
46:21
Oh.
46:22
Yep.
46:24
And one of the guards rushes off, and in a few moments, time, waiters are, like, running out with, like, these big jugs of some sort of liquid, and they hand you each cups and pour some of it in. It smells earthy. Finn kind of, like, looks at this for a moment and takes a sip and smacks his lips. And it's like, falls over dead, Please.
46:55
Follow dead, Please fall over dead, because I'm gonna take a big mouthful.
47:01
Good batch.
47:01
Damn it. All right, bottoms up, guys. Probably gonna die. Here we go.
47:10
Chug a lug, everyone.
47:12
Yay.
47:13
How do Keldors drink?
47:15
How do Keldor's drink?
47:17
I usually have a straw.
47:19
It comes out of your mask.
47:25
I usually have Capri Suns with me.
47:28
You look like a fly.
47:32
So in your case, your straw extends from your mask. Everyone else takes sips and give me four to. Or not four. Four to. Two saves.
47:47
Oh. 18. Oh. Oh.
47:54
22.
47:55
Think you tight.
47:57
It's under.
47:58
Saving throws J Mike.
47:59
Yep.
47:59
In the middle.
48:00
In the middle.
48:06
Oh, Cor's dead.
48:10
21.
48:10
Oh, damn, son.
48:14
But the whoop on Gungan style, like Gungan fortitude.
48:19
Every now and then, it comes through.
48:20
Yeah.
48:21
Like Gungan constitution coming to.
48:22
To your aid.
48:23
Yeah.
48:24
Yeah, yeah. What?
48:25
All right, Jack, did you have your 17? Okay. Everyone who got above a 20. Balls. Feels a nice, calm surge come over them.
48:43
You guys feel calm? I feel calm.
48:45
Everyone who got below a 20.
48:49
Has.
48:49
To rush to the bathroom, has a little bit of a diarrhea.
48:54
Whoa.
48:55
There's a bit of, like, an echoey kind of feel to every sound that has come through.
48:59
Oh, no, guys, I gotta go fix some engines.
49:04
Like, your. Your toes inside your boots are, like, a little too, like, constricted. And you're like, I need to stretch them out. This is not right. I have a question. Yes.
49:13
Are you just describing how you're feeling right now?
49:16
A little bit.
49:19
Got him.
49:24
Everything smells so intense.
49:28
I knew I should have showered. I'm sorry.
49:30
The clothes that you are wearing just fit both just so right, and also, like, a little uncomfortably in a way that you hadn't really, like, thought about it, but you guess it was always there. That feeling so high right now, you just. You just know about it all. And then these two radiant MILFs we'll go with. Step into the room.
49:51
Oh, no.
49:54
And you're just like, whoa. Those of you who got below a 20 are just like, what the hell? These are fascinating figures. Like, they just. Just radiate both warmth and heat at the same time. Those of you who got above a 20 are just like, yeah, I'd hit that.
50:17
Which one of us did get a. You got above a 20? Did you get above.
50:20
I got above a 20.
50:21
You got above a 20.
50:22
So you two jackasses are going to save us.
50:24
Fuck, J. Mike. Oh, we're screwed. This is the end. This is where you. This is where you make that backstory, baby. This is your chance. This is your chance, champ. Do you guys.
50:36
So I see that we are inviting anything that comes into our land with a sob story. Isn't that right, honey? One of the ladies hisses out at Brick, and he's like, yeah, the scouts tell me interesting things about these. This one is apparently angel from the heavens.
51:00
Right? Right.
51:01
And he raises a cup and takes a swig and clearly is feeling it.
51:08
Oh, no.
51:13
Well, die, J. Mike. But to be fair, nobody's gonna miss you.
51:18
No, probably not.
51:19
Everyone roll spot checks for me. Those of you who got below a 20 on that fortitude save. Roll with disadvantage. Oh, yeah, no, actually, I take it back. Roll with advantage.
51:33
This is a spot check.
51:34
Yes. 18, 13, 28.
51:38
18.
51:40
Okay. Those of you who get above a 20, note that the. Well, okay, so those of you got below 20, but above 15. It is extremely apparent as the lady Lian sort of steps forward in front of your crew, that there is a particular style that both these two women and she are wearing. It's a sort of, like, tactically feminine clothing. Like, there's this elegance to these, like, those, like, royal kind of garb that these lord. Or that these, like, ladies of the. Of these, like, nobles houses of wear. But they seem to be all, like, boss bitches.
52:31
Okay.
52:32
In strategic ways.
52:33
I'm kind of into that.
52:35
Those of you who got above a 20.
52:37
Yeah, that's me.
52:39
Observe that you. If you had to guess, whoever was sewing the outfits would be the same.
52:45
It's made by the same tailor.
52:46
Yeah. So, like, it's, like, down to the. Like, that level of detail. Oh, wow.
52:50
Okay.
52:51
And it's, like, intense how, like, it looks like these, like, two slightly older versions of Lady Liam.
52:58
Oh, wow.
52:59
There's, like, a Vera Wang on this Planet Man. Who. Who are you wearing?
53:08
You mean Space Vera Wang?
53:11
Right, Space Vera Wang. Who are you wearing? I've got to know who does your stitching.
53:21
Oh, gosh. Ignore him. Ladies Michelle and Katya.
53:24
No, but seriously, like, that is some amazing.
53:28
I had my fingers in your chest earlier today.
53:30
Oh, is that what you were doing?
53:33
Happy to return the favor.
53:35
That sounded different than what I meant it. My ladies.
53:42
I'll be more gentle.
53:44
We got Real Housewives of Fedora here. Or real sister wives.
53:49
Sorry.
53:53
These companions have come from the heavens and saved me from. Yes, the evil is real. The evil is out there. But he seemed diminished and potentially dying thanks to the efforts of these all. Particularly my masked and dreaded friend here, who, as we have established, can heal wounds and unite the people. Tell him, Failius. Or tell them.
54:28
So happy to. So happy to. This is my moment, guys. I got this. Don't worry. Hello, lovely ladies.
54:36
You get the picture. You get the picture. Thank you. So, yes, it's true. And perhaps we should make sure that a big deal is not made about the. The return of the evil, because that might incite panic, if you know what I mean.
54:57
Does anybody else's pants feel tight right now? Mine is a little bit. So uncomfortable and yet so right. What's going on? Don't. Don't mind me.
55:05
Don't mind me.
55:06
I feel good.
55:07
Yeah.
55:07
The two ladies both, like, nod their head and wink in sort of a unison. That is like, a little disturbing to those of you who had felt failed. Your fortitude saves.
55:16
Oh, no. What does that mean? That's weird. Did you see that? Yeah, I thought. Are your pants tight?
55:22
This is what happens when you get my shoes.
55:25
Yeah. My shoes are so small right now. Oh, my God, you're right. Dude, I've never looked at your feet before. They're amazing. They are amazing.
55:37
They.
55:37
They walk over to foe. They're having be all right with that. So you can close wounds. And you saved the day, it sounds like.
55:46
Yes, that. That is true.
55:48
And who do you serve?
55:51
Which house I serve no House I. Right now. I serve good. I serve. I intend to change things here. Because there's a great evil that threatens everyone here. Not no house in particular, but right now. As you. As. As your people. The lack of unity between your people right now keeps you exposed to this great evil.
56:18
You don't serve House Tian I. I.
56:22
Serve no house at all.
56:27
Well, would. Who's this?
56:36
Whose house?
56:38
Perhaps House Fedor could use your assistance. Since it sounds like you're quite helpful, perhaps we could Unite quite a few people under the banner of House Fedor.
56:54
We could, but I would need to speak to your people because we need all your people to unite, not just. Not just your soldiers. And you have. You have. You have a strong people here. You have. You have a people who are ready to rise. But right now, the way. The way you lead them is. Is not. They will continue to let this evil strive. Right now.
57:17
And grow your fingers. Dude. I have stripes. Oh, my God. I have horns.
57:27
What are they doing?
57:29
What is in this drink?
57:32
The. The ladies sort of like, acknowledge.
57:34
Hold on, let me. Have you guys checked out his eyes before.
57:37
Oh, my God. So they're on the outside of his head.
57:42
We need to. We need to gather.
57:45
I think we're dying.
57:46
We need to gather the people together and unite these houses against. We need to call somebody, because not only is there this one great evil that we must face, but there is another evil coming that we must be prepared for.
57:59
I am so hungry right now, but it is it.
58:03
But the. The. The Rangers are mighty, and. And they can lead this. This new. The new path that. That your people have set before them. But we also need to unite not just your armies, but the common people against this threat. If we are. If we're to win.
58:21
What?
58:23
You raise an interesting point. I think we will have to discuss this, but you seem to have the words of wisdom in Fosho in the back of your head. You hear a voice go,.
58:46
Good.
58:50
And the ladies both bow for a moment and go, you'll excuse us so that we may discuss your proposition. And when they leave, Finn, sort of clearly feeling the effects of the liquid goes. That went better than I expected. And with that, we're going to end the session.
59:23
Well, you can find out what all has led to this point by going to past episodes and find out maybe we'll see where this path takes us down, what turns this will take. But we will continue to explore this in the next episode. You can check out the rest of the episodes on our website, certainpov.com, while you're there. Check out our other podcasts. Check out all our social media if you want to keep in touch with us. All of that, again, is on our website, certainpov. Com. And until next time, stay scruffy, my Nerf herders.
59:56
CPOV certainpov.com.