Session 31 - Tales to Astonish
The Nerfherders are reunited with old friends, but faced with new dangers.
Scruffy Nerfherders Full Episode
Originally aired: August 16, 2018
Podcast Edited by Case Aiken
Music: Purple Planet Music
Music: www.purple-planet.com
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⏱️ Chapters
00:04 Welcome and Intros
01:49 Introducing Arvis Reed
02:13 Introducing Phallus and Stembolt
02:57 Draco Meowfoy
04:02 Case Reflects on His DM Style
04:35 Recap Roll
04:57 Ben Recaps the Reed House
06:20 The Dust Storm and House Fedor
07:42 Slippery Jim Returns
08:14 Meeting Slippery Jim
11:30 Reuniting with the Party
12:03 The Hyperdrive
13:18 Planning to Take Back the Susan
15:54 The Weapons Problem
18:02 What Happened to Phosho and Hoof
20:51 Planning the Rescue
22:37 Phallus Creates a Distraction
23:09 Stembolt and Slippery Jim Board the Susan
24:32 Taking Back the Ship
25:32 The Plan Comes Together
26:51 Arvis Defends Phosho
28:54 The Susan Flies Again
29:38 The Power Problem
30:03 House Tiank
32:05 Flying Slow
33:01 Killia’s Mental Health System
35:20 Arvis Wants to Learn to Fly
35:55 Repairing the Susan
36:47 A Star Destroyer Appears
38:49 Rescuing the Alderaanians
39:36 Strafing the Guards
41:12 Arvis Takes the Gun
43:58 The Crew Is Freed
44:26 Approaching House Tiank
44:40 The Aftermath of the TIE Fighter Attack
46:23 Landing Near House Tiank
46:39 Rook Appears
47:23 Finn Explains Griff and Phosho
48:43 Rook Gives Finn the Signet Ring
49:24 Imperial Transport Lands
49:36 Cliffhanger
49:42 Outro
50:31 Post-Show
Transcription
00:04
Addy
Hey, Nerf Herders. I'm Addy Thomas.
00:06
Ben
And I am Ben Milton.
00:07
Jmike
I'm Jmike Folson.
00:08
Case
And I'm Case Aiken.
00:09
Addy
Thanks for joining us for another session of the Scruffy Nerf Herders, a Star Wars D20 story. As we adventure through the Star wars galaxy in our own unique brand of storytelling, which is ridiculous and crazy, but also pretty. We do some pretty cool stuff from time to time. I'd say, you know, we get some cool action in on here. But of course, you can follow all of our adventures if you check out our website, certainpov.com and you can check out the backstory, what else has happened in the 31, plus some sessions leading up to this point. So you can find all of that on our website. Again, certainpov.com let's get to our adventure. But before that, let's actually introduce each of our characters in this adventure and Addie Thomas as Addie Thomas. I am playing.
00:58
Jmike
I'm losing.
00:59
Addy
I'm losing my identity, guys.
01:02
Case
Disguised as millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne.
01:08
Ben
That's the first time anybody has ever insinuated Addie and Bruce Wayne in the same sentence.
01:14
Case
If you think about it, they've never been in the room together.
01:15
Ben
That's true.
01:17
Addy
I. It also shows that I definitely don't have the same spending. Let's just.
01:23
Ben
You look like you ate Bruce Wayne.
01:27
Addy
Oh, come on.
01:29
Case
The disguise that he wears to look like Addie is actually quite sophisticated. It's taking up most of his resources. Like, it is a work of both animatronics and cgi.
01:39
Jmike
Wow.
01:40
Ben
We're going cutting edge on this one. But I do. I do respect the mix of. Of CGI and practical effects.
01:46
Jmike
Yes.
01:49
Addy
Apparently, he just has Andy Serkis hired in his basement to do motion capture for him. Anyway, I'm actually Arvis Reed. I'm a nomad. I'm a nerf herder on the planet of Killia. A little bit of a country bumpkin. Little slower. At least the others say I'm slow. I just like to take a little bit more time in my life right now. So, Ben. Who are you?
02:13
Ben
I am Phallus Vag Killer. I am a human fringer from the outer rim of the galaxy. I'm a bit of a survivalist. I could use a lot of work on my people skills. I tend to rub people the wrong way, so I'm trying to keep a low profile to make it through this adventure alive. And I'm using my good friend who I just met, Stimbolt Tenor, to help me J Mike, take it away.
02:42
Jmike
Okay. I am playing the character known as Stimbolt. Tenure. I am a Zakrak turtle tech specialist. I have my attack kitty with me now. His name is Draco.
02:54
Ben
Draco.
02:55
Jmike
Yes. Ooh, Silver ferocious.
02:57
Ben
Is it Draco Meowfoy?
02:59
Jmike
Yes.
03:00
Case
No, wait. We actually didn't establish. Did you guys bring up the kitties?
03:05
Ben
Of course we brought the kitties backpack.
03:07
Jmike
With him and everything. Okay.
03:09
Case
I like to think it's more like the front pack.
03:11
Ben
I like J. Mike, I like that you've put more thought into this kitten story and how you're going to deal with this kitten than your actual character's backstory.
03:19
Jmike
With you guys, I could literally die at any minute, so.
03:22
Addy
So his kitten will live on.
03:26
Case
He'll actually roll the kitten.
03:28
Ben
He's gonna roll the kitten.
03:32
Jmike
All right.
03:32
Ben
I like Draco Meow Foy.
03:33
Jmike
Yay.
03:34
Ben
I'm a fan.
03:35
Case
Is that going to be canonical now?
03:36
Jmike
Yes.
03:37
Case
All right. Making a note of that one. J's cat is. Beat that, suckers.
03:46
Ben
Draco Meowfoy. It's hilarious.
03:51
Case
Okay.
03:53
Jmike
Wow.
03:55
Case
My notes are so weird.
03:56
Jmike
It's canon. Now.
03:57
Ben
We have to come up. We all have to come up with crazy names for our cats.
04:02
Case
Yes, you do. But in the meantime, I am Case Aiken, and I am your Dungeon Master. And, guys, I was listening to last week's episode, and it occurred to me that every D and D game that I DM ends up a little bit in the blue and a little bit absurdist. And I'm starting to think that it's not just that I have a group of knucklehead friends, that it might just be me.
04:22
Ben
It's definitely you. Definitely you.
04:27
Addy
I don't think we'd end up in weird circumstances with a hut otherwise.
04:33
Ben
Never forget.
04:35
Case
Yeah, it's. I think it might be me. I think I might have a problem, guys. So I do want to thank you all for coming with me on this journey. And to that end, could I have everyone roll a recap to reveal what happened last time?
04:47
Jmike
11.
04:49
Case
13.
04:50
Ben
8. Damn it.
04:53
Case
You got the 13.
04:54
Addy
You get XP, man. Don't complain.
04:56
Ben
Yeah, yeah.
04:57
Jmike
And it was last time, right? Yeah. Okay.
04:59
Ben
No, you got the xp. Yeah. So what happened last time was we made it to Arvis's hole in the ground, literally, and met his family tree stock and. And his siblings and dad and everything. And it ended up being that he had. He's a collector. Arvis is a bit of a collector of stuff that falls from the sky or space junk. And he happened to have A hyperdrive that he had bought from one of his explorations into the city and was sitting in his room. So we arranged a deal for.
05:36
Jmike
That wasn't a deal.
05:37
Ben
That was a deal. You liked it.
05:38
Jmike
It got worse and worse as time went on.
05:41
Ben
Pray they don't alter further.
05:42
Case
You know you liked it.
05:44
Ben
Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. Look how your horns are sparkly.
05:49
Case
You haven't been polished, and for some.
05:51
Ben
Reason, somebody was polishing your horn.
05:54
Case
Like each of them got use yesterday.
05:58
Ben
That's really bizarre. It's definitely you, Case. Just send all your letters to Taken.
06:09
Case
I Dungeon Master on request, but just.
06:10
Ben
Understand that this is what you're going to get.
06:12
Case
It's going to be a thing that you're. You're going to walk out of, and you're like, I feel dirty. I'm glad that it happened, but I feel dirty.
06:20
Ben
If nothing else, you'll have a story to tell. So then we. So what ended up happening was we made an arrangement for Stimbolt and Finn to get with Arvis's sisters, and in exchange for the hyperdrive and their help with us taking to the hyperdrive. So we headed out the next day, and we got caught in some sort of, like, crazy dust storm. Barely survived it, but got to the edge of the Badlands, where upon getting there to the edge of the Badlands, I did a spot check successfully and found that there were some. Some. Some guards, basically, who had.
07:00
Case
The Alderaanian men of House Fedor.
07:02
Ben
Men of House Fedor, yes. Who had the Alderaanians chained up, and they were pulling the Susan up out of the rocks at the same time. So we sent the girls home with the Tauntauns and Gary, the Nerf that we picked up along the way.
07:17
Case
But not the kitties.
07:18
Ben
Not the kitties. We kept the kitties. You kept your pushes. You damn right we kept our pussies. And. And then. So we sent them home, and were deciding to sneak up when Arlis got poked in the back by something steely and hard.
07:36
Case
Yeah. Yeah, that was really good.
07:37
Ben
Thank you. That was. Might have been my best recap.
07:42
Case
So Arvis feels this metal cylinder up against the back of his neck, and the voice that said, you better freeze.
07:55
Jmike
You.
07:56
Case
He then follows that up with, now you, sir, gonna turn around nice and slow. And the metal, like, pulls back away, and you're able to turn around if you wish.
08:07
Ben
Don't do it, Addie. Let him shoot you.
08:10
Addy
I'll go ahead and turn around. Nice and slow.
08:14
Case
Turning around, you see a figure that is truly bizarre to your understanding of the world. It's tall and gangly. It's dressed in like a really cool leather jacket. And its face, it has this really long neck. Its skin is like. It's not reptilian scales. It's like thinner scales than that because they have to be like somewhat porous and to suck in the water. So it's like this amphibious skin. This creature has these long ears that drape down. But they do look kind of cool the way he's got them. Got them going. This like long, beaky face. And then also these two eyestalks. It's just a truly bizarre creature to your understanding. Like you've never seen anything like it. But he's standing there holding like some sort of metal thing that he's threatening with you, with which you don't. You've never seen a gun.
09:07
Case
Like, you don't have a concept of that. Like there. There's literally only five on the planet under normal circumstances. So these are like you. You're like, he's threatening me with this thing. But it's not like a normal weapon. Or at least your understanding of like, well, that's dangerous because it's sharp or that's dangerous because it's on fire. But he is letting you sort of turn around and potentially gain advantage. He didn't just like take you out right there. What do you do?
09:34
Addy
What? Well, I guess I'll talk to him a little bit.
09:38
Jmike
And.
09:39
Addy
What? Well, you. You seem to be quite. Quite an interesting looking feller. Maybe frog kind of froggy like. And, you know, I'm not. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to. To make eye contact with you.
09:51
Case
Is that Asa? You said you should look right here.
09:55
Addy
Okay.
09:56
Jmike
And.
09:56
Addy
And I'm not sure why. Why you're pointing this. This. This little metal. Metal stick at me.
10:01
Case
What are you talking about? It's clearly a gun. Don't you know what a gun is?
10:05
Addy
No, I. I never heard of a gun before. I just saw you guys.
10:09
Case
I wasn't used to kind of slow.
10:13
Addy
Yes. People say I'm slow. I just like to say that I like to take my time in life.
10:18
Case
Oh, God.
10:19
Ben
Right.
10:21
Case
Force. Dammit. All right, so. Yeah. Some sort of country bumpkin, I see.
10:31
Addy
You could say that, I guess.
10:33
Case
Great, great. Well, you said you should better just. You should sit down like you should right there.
10:41
Addy
Oh, thank you. I will take a seat.
10:43
Case
Okay. And why don't you put your hands underneath your butt?
10:49
Addy
Well, I would like to keep my hands warm so I Absolutely will.
10:53
Case
Okay.
10:54
Jmike
Okay.
10:54
Case
And he like steps back a little bit and Stimbolt and Phallus give me spot checks please.
11:03
Ben
2518.
11:06
Case
Alright. From your hiding places you hear the commotion and are able to see what's going on like a little bit in front of you where Arvis is standing there. He's sitting on the ground on his hands and pointing a gun at him is Slippery Jim.
11:30
Ben
Slippery Jim. Hey, my Gungan.
11:35
Jmike
Hey.
11:36
Case
Speak Stimboat. Fellas. It's good to see you guys.
11:40
Jmike
What?
11:41
Case
Where you been?
11:42
Ben
Oh my God. You wouldn't believe what's happened to us.
11:45
Jmike
Literally wouldn't believe what's happened.
11:48
Case
Try me. I just saw armed men chanting for fo show.
11:53
Jmike
Yeah, about that.
11:55
Addy
Oh, you guys know this froggy guy?
11:57
Jmike
Yeah.
11:58
Ben
Don't. Don't talk out of turn.
12:00
Case
Is this thing with you?
12:01
Ben
For now.
12:03
Jmike
All right.
12:03
Ben
He's got a hyperdrive.
12:05
Case
What?
12:05
Ben
Yep.
12:06
Case
Hold on.
12:06
Ben
Ticket out of here.
12:08
Case
You said better backup start. He that has a hyperdrive.
12:13
Jmike
He had a hyperdrive.
12:15
Case
Some sort of powering system for our ship.
12:17
Ben
Some sort of powering system. It's going to take a little bit of modification. I'll have to spend a little more time in the engine room. But I'm pretty sure I can make us get off this planet. And we want to get off this planet bad. So bad foes lost his mind.
12:33
Addy
He went completely bird right now.
12:36
Case
Yeah. We're gonna have to figure that out.
12:38
Ben
It's.
12:38
Case
The Susan is of contested ownership right now. And I aim to make sure that my claim is the one that is repudiated in the end.
12:51
Ben
Excellent. We're with you all the way. Slippery Gem. Let's make this magic happen.
12:55
Case
Captain.
12:59
Ben
Captain.
12:59
Jmike
Wait.
13:00
Case
That was pretty quick. You're just saying that you're fine with the Susan being mine.
13:04
Ben
Oh wait. That is our ship. But you are a captain.
13:08
Jmike
You.
13:09
Case
So we're putting up more of a fight before.
13:11
Ben
I mean, you're not the captain of this ship, but you are the captain of a ship.
13:16
Case
I feel like we're gonna have to put a pin in this and come back.
13:18
Addy
Give you a deal to make it quickly, you know. I'm just saying.
13:23
Ben
Yep.
13:24
Case
We should probably proceed and chase after this whole situation. I can't. He's a God. I hyperdrive this.
13:31
Ben
I know, right?
13:34
Case
Okie day.
13:35
Ben
Nobody would believe this if you actually like, I don't know, tried to write this as a story.
13:42
Case
Well, the. The tales of us and these terrible times would make for very strange entertainment fodder.
13:49
Ben
Right?
13:50
Case
I don't. I doubt you could even tell the big stories about things like the Death Star and make it in any kind of entertaining thing.
13:56
Ben
I know.
13:56
Case
What kind of person. Sort of boring documentary.
13:58
Ben
What kind of person would listen to this?
14:04
Addy
Very weird people. Including the ones who would pay $5 or more a month for additional versions of this that you can find on patreon or certain pov.com.
14:15
Case
Okie day. So we should. We should proceed and follow after them. I think we can in all likelihood since they have the people in bondage. But they've got Beast of Verdant Dragon, the Susan. We're going to end up with a small gap between the Susan and the prisoners. We should try to recover the Susan because they got weapons on there even if the ship is down. Yes.
14:40
Jmike
I have a question.
14:41
Case
Thank you for raising your hands.
14:44
Jmike
Are the weapon systems on the Susan active?
14:47
Case
That's what he was just saying. It's is the. The meadow bird has talons, my bumpkin friend.
14:59
Ben
Can we just call him Bumpkin?
15:01
Case
I feel like it. Wait.
15:04
Ben
Captain's Choice.
15:06
Case
I didn't know that this guy had another name.
15:09
Ben
Pumpkin.
15:10
Jmike
It is.
15:10
Addy
I'm Arvis. It's good to meet you.
15:12
Case
Thanks, pumpkin. Perhaps I should make you sit again. Anyway, so while the big boys are talking here.
15:21
Ben
Yeah.
15:22
Case
So just to be clear, the Susan is still grounded?
15:27
Ben
Yep.
15:28
Case
Issa. Going to take a lot of work still to get it up and running. We could potentially do that. That's one option. So yes, if we. You've got a hyperdrive and we get it up, we can either take off and get the fuck out of here, or we can try to proceed and take out them with the superior firepower of an actual ship.
15:50
Ben
I mean that does make the most sense. Is that we should.
15:52
Case
Both of those would work.
15:53
Jmike
Yeah.
15:54
Ben
We can't really like, even if we save the Alderaanians first, they're just gonna be in the way. We try to take the Susan back anyway. Like they're gonna get killed either way.
16:04
Jmike
Yeah.
16:06
Case
Now these guys do not have blasters or anything like that. So we already should be at some sort of advantage, right? I mean, we've all got our weapons, right?
16:14
Ben
Yeah.
16:15
Jmike
Oh, right about that. Foe took all of our weapons.
16:20
Case
Oh, you day. Yep.
16:21
Ben
He's the worst.
16:23
Case
So wait, what's happened to Fosho?
16:26
Jmike
He.
16:27
Ben
Well, he took the mudslide straight to Shitville.
16:32
Case
Gas Face is a super face.
16:34
Ben
Yes, he is the worst. He is the actual worst. People don't like him. Lots of people don't like him.
16:42
Case
Issa. Pretty upsetting. What do you think about that, Bumpkin?
16:47
Ben
Well, what was shocking was just how quickly it happened.
16:50
Case
It was so quick.
16:52
Addy
Just as quickly as I. I presume you decided to give your ship over to. To this Slippery James fella.
17:01
Case
I appreciate that, Bumpkin. Your lips upon my butt cheeks are very well appreciated. It is a soothing feeling. I've had a roug. But keep to the main point. We should go for the ship.
17:11
Ben
Yep.
17:11
Case
And that's it. That's it.
17:13
Ben
That's it.
17:14
Jmike
We have to figure out how to get the hyperdrive to the ship.
17:17
Case
Well, we should.
17:17
Ben
We can do that.
17:18
Case
Freed first.
17:18
Ben
Yeah, we got to get the guys off the ship.
17:20
Case
All right, so even if you guys are not armed, and that's. This is going to suck. I'm not going to deny that, but even with the single blaster, I should be able to take out a few of them.
17:28
Ben
Well, we also have Finn. Finn has his. Doesn't he have his rifle?
17:33
Case
Oh, yeah. I also have my rifle. Now, it's. I think it's not. Is apparently rapid fire. As I've seen.
17:39
Addy
Your.
17:40
Case
Your blasters work, don't you know, But.
17:44
Addy
And I would like to add that Clipping E and Jesse Ray do know how to handle themselves in a fight.
17:49
Ben
They left.
17:50
Case
Don't you know? You were right here.
17:52
Ben
They were right here.
17:53
Addy
I mean, it's a horrible ride.
17:55
Case
We set them. Damn it. You really don't know.
18:02
Ben
You have no idea what we've been dealing with. Slippery Jim.
18:09
Case
Oh, yeah, Jim, it's been a crazy time. Yeah, your friend, he. He went kind of nuts there. We fought ancient evil once, back in the day, don't you know? And now that evil, I think, has returned and taken over your friend,.
18:25
Jmike
The. The.
18:26
Case
The. The being who was like you. He was slashed. I. Okay, I slashed him because I was trying to attack Faux show when Faucho revealed his powers, don't you know? And yeah, the. The other one, the one called Hoof, he jumped in the way.
18:43
Ben
God, I forgot about Hoof.
18:44
Jmike
Oh, no.
18:45
Ben
I'm a bad friend.
18:46
Case
You forgot about Hoof.
18:47
Ben
It's ptsd, man.
18:49
Case
I can't stop thinking about how I wounded a good man.
18:52
Ben
Well, man might be a bit of an extreme. And definitely good is.
18:57
Case
Don't you know? He had a good heart.
18:59
Jmike
Yeah, because it was all over the floo.
19:07
Case
Thinking about wounding the one called Hooflung dung has corrupted my dreams, as the only way I can get through a night is when I have company to distract me from my nightmares, such as last night. And he winks At Arvis.
19:24
Ben
Arvis.
19:24
Case
No, just to like, rub it in.
19:27
Ben
Sorry, Arvis. He's banging your sister.
19:30
Case
Hulung Dung Huang Dung is. Is dead.
19:35
Ben
Mostly.
19:36
Jmike
Is he?
19:37
Ben
Kinda. Probably.
19:38
Case
No, it's even worse than that. Fosho is holding him to life. He's holding him together with the dark side. I couldn't heal the wound. It was. The blade was charged with the force. Even my. Even though I regretted my blow immediately, I could not renege on the damage that was struck. And certainly Fosho, no matter how powerful he has become, has not been able to mend those wounds. So he is holding him alive, don't you know? With the power of the Force literally binding him together. And if that power is extinguished, if we kill Fo Sho, don't you know we're just gonna kill Hoof too?
20:22
Ben
Yeah, well, you know, you can't make an omelette without cracking some eggs.
20:26
Jmike
What's an omelette?
20:27
Ben
Oh, it's. You take two eggs, crack them open and fry them, right? You put some cheese, maybe some nice chives.
20:36
Case
Finn is looking at you like you're blowing my mind here, dude.
20:39
Ben
I know, right? Oh, you're gonna love space. Oh, my God. Really get to it.
20:44
Case
Don't you know? That's. That. Oh, man, that food sounds great.
20:47
Ben
Yeah, it'll totally make you forget killing people. Let's go.
20:51
Case
Yeah, we should. We should probably proceed. Okay, so we've got a good gun. We've got a shitty gun. And. And we've got people to punch. Okay, so we're going to. We're gonna go on. Let's. Let's plan it. What's the plan of attack? We're okay. We can keep up with them. We can run to chase after them. That shouldn't be an issue, but the Beasts of Burden are pretty big things, and if they're loosed as. As weapons, they're gonna be pretty dangerous. Even my gun's not gonna shoot them down.
21:18
Ben
Oh, if only we had somebody who was good with animals, huh?
21:24
Addy
I am quite good with animals.
21:25
Case
Huh?
21:28
Ben
All right, all right.
21:30
Case
So, Arvis, you're gonna be rolling a handle animal check when we're going into this situation, okay? Make a note of that. All right. So.
21:38
Addy
All right. James.
21:40
Jmike
James.
21:41
Ben
I love that he calls him James.
21:44
Case
Pumpkin. I'd like that. I'm getting some assistance on the other cheek right now. This is really appreciated, James, but moving on with the big boys. So, Phallus, what do you think you are doing? As we. As we make this much, this should be maybe four or five men plus three of the beasts.
22:03
Ben
I am no good with beasts, so I'm gonna help with the men because I can.
22:10
Addy
He likes to handle men,.
22:14
Jmike
Apparently.
22:17
Ben
Let's see.
22:18
Case
This is not necessarily a skill challenge. This is. Yeah, I. I'm just asking for a,.
22:22
Ben
Like a general plan.
22:24
Case
First round thing is going to be.
22:25
Ben
Yeah.
22:25
Case
So it can be I'm gonna run up and I'm gonna punch a guy two times. Or it could be I'm going to try to distract them with some sort of diplomacy. Or it even could be some sort of situation where you're like, I'm going to.
22:37
Ben
Do we need a distraction? Would that be helpful, Jim?
22:40
Case
Yeah, it could be a good.
22:41
Ben
I'll create a distraction.
22:43
Case
What kind of rated distraction? What kind of distraction?
22:45
Ben
I'm gonna use my diplomacy skill. I'm gonna come up and talk to them and just. And just get all their attention. I have them gathered around me so that you guys will have an easier.
22:53
Case
You're gonna be defacing this situation.
22:54
Ben
Yeah, baby.
22:55
Case
With this little team.
22:57
Ben
A team.
23:01
Case
You said no, right? Okay. And Stimboat, my horny friend, if you are doing something. What is that?
23:09
Jmike
Let's see if I can open up the ship so we can get inside.
23:11
Ben
No, we don't need you to do that.
23:12
Jmike
We don't. I thought were running up to the ship first.
23:14
Ben
Yeah, but I'm going to distract all the people.
23:16
Case
So we need somebody to kill the guys for them.
23:20
Jmike
That was like a secret door.
23:21
Case
What do you think if you open the ship would do?
23:26
Jmike
What can I do?
23:27
Case
I mean, if I was just brainstorming here. If you were to get on this ship without them, maybe you should kill.
23:32
Addy
Some of those fellers that I'll be a problem and are working for foe when the idiot.
23:37
Jmike
I don't know anything.
23:38
Addy
I'm not gonna.
23:38
Jmike
Hand to hand. Wait, okay, let me.
23:39
Case
Let just. Let me just brainstorm with you. Okay?
23:42
Ben
Okay.
23:43
Case
De. So if you were to get onto the ship and without anyone seeing you, like let's say if Phallus was distracting them, then you are able to get to some sort of weaponry, utilize it against them. That would be a.
23:56
Jmike
Do we have any weapons on board?
23:57
Case
Yeah, there are blasters. There are all kinds of emergency weapons on there.
24:00
Jmike
I'll go find that stuff while you guys keep them distracted.
24:02
Ben
Oh Lord, I'm going to die in this.
24:04
Case
Okay, okay, so Stembot, you and I, we are going to get onto the screws and. And we are going to grab some looky guns and fire upon These people, that'll free us up, and then we can go get the hyperdrive, plug it in, and then we're good to go.
24:20
Jmike
Let's do it. Pew, pew.
24:22
Case
All right, so that for you, we're gonna call that a move. Silently Check.
24:30
Jmike
Okay. Okay.
24:32
Ben
Wish that I don't suck.
24:34
Case
Check. Could I get checks or all those checks. Could I have you work it out? So Phallus approaches. He's gonna try to distract everyone with some diplomacy. Meanwhile, Stimbolt is climbing into the ship along with Slippery Jim to get some weapons so that they can actually kill the guards who are now distracted. And when that occurs, Arvis uses his Handle Animal skills to subdue the Beasts of Burden so they're not stirred up by the violence and potentially become a threat to your lives. Could I have checks from all of you as that happens?
25:05
Ben
Diplomacy. Check is a 30 move.
25:08
Jmike
Silently is an 18.
25:11
Addy
Handle animal is a 21.
25:14
Case
You guys all succeed at this.
25:16
Ben
So, so badass.
25:18
Case
It plays out like that. This team is a very effective team,.
25:22
Ben
And if you can find.
25:23
Addy
I will say it. I like when a plane comes together.
25:32
Case
So cut to. You've got the gods. We'll say you're tied. That you tied them up. You don't need to necessarily murder them. You might have burned them a little bit, but they're still alive. They're tied up. The beasts are sort of sedate, and you. You were able to use them to drag over the hyperdrive so that it didn't even cost you pretty feet a few extra blisters.
25:51
Jmike
Okay, this is great. This is great, guys.
25:53
Ben
You guys ever notice that ever since, like, you know, we got rid of Foe, like, things have really been clicking well for us? It's like.
26:00
Case
I hate to say it because he was a nice guy, but it's like maybe the. The group dynamic just was actually a little too stuffed in certain directions, and now were smoothing out, like. Like some sort of oil, like.
26:11
Ben
Like the.
26:12
Case
The lube I'm getting on my butt cheeks from this man's lips.
26:16
Addy
I don't know, Fellers, but you guys seemed very lost until I came into the picture. So maybe you just needed someone to be a presence, and maybe you just lost that when you lost your friend Foe. Maybe Foe still has some things he's just needing to work through at this time.
26:31
Case
Oh, yeah. Don't you know, it is possible for someone to come back, But I will admit, right now, I feel like we are the right combination of actual people and comic relief.
26:43
Ben
Everybody is loving this episode except Addy. And I am so happy.
26:51
Addy
I just feel like you guys sometimes call this faux show a friend, and then sometimes you call him an.
26:57
Case
Well, don't. You know, he was a good guy.
26:58
Addy
Seems like you all are conflicted about how you feel about him, and I'm just trying to help you work through, though.
27:04
Case
Well, sure, but he was a good guy. But also, it was kind of like. I. I hate to say this, but the. The breathing noise coming out of his mask always kind of killed the mood.
27:14
Ben
And he smelled a little bit, right? Like.
27:16
Jmike
Like.
27:16
Ben
Like spices.
27:18
Case
Yeah, it was just a little weird. Like, you know, it would just. It would, like, sort of open up. Like, every now and then, it would vent that. That weird mask. And so it wasn't like a normal breathing rhythm, but it was like. It was like, maybe like four or five times longer than what you would normally expect from a thing to breathe. And it would just pour out this, like, hiss, and it would just be like, it sounds like a cat every time. Every time. And.
27:43
Ben
Or even in his sleep mode, like, even when he had it on quiet mode, it just sounded like somebody was, like, doing a silent fart.
27:50
Case
Yeah. And in quiet mode, he would then just, like, cough randomly.
27:52
Jmike
Yes.
27:53
Case
Because he wasn't enough of his.
27:57
Jmike
And then,.
27:59
Case
Like, sleeping next to that. My friends, it's not a very fun situation.
28:02
Ben
And now that we're talking about, I'm glad he's gone.
28:05
Case
It was a. It was a difficult existence with him, and I put up with him because of the lightning powers.
28:10
Ben
Right, right. That was nice.
28:11
Jmike
Yeah.
28:12
Ben
When they worked.
28:15
Case
Used to see them work plenty of times. I'm glad they didn't, considering that we might have to kill this man. It's going to. We should probably hope that.
28:23
Jmike
Well, they didn't really, when he went evil either. It was.
28:27
Ben
Yeah, this is short circuited. It's like Jubilee of the dark side.
28:35
Addy
Dark side Jubilee, I happen to recall you tried moving silently, and that did not work out very well recently. No. I think everybody has their moments of failure. Great success.
28:49
Case
Oh, yeah. Don't. You know? But you know what? I feel like we're really clicking together.
28:54
Jmike
Yeah.
28:54
Ben
This feels so much better.
28:56
Case
We can do this. So. So this is a ship. This is incredible. Oh, yeah.
29:04
Ben
Okay, let's get out of here. Let's go. Oh, wait. With the Alderaanians, what are we going to do about them?
29:09
Case
I would say we should probably free them. Don't. You know?
29:12
Ben
Like, do you think they're all the way back at the city by now?
29:15
Case
We might be able to catch up with them.
29:17
Ben
How close are we to get this one?
29:18
Case
This is right?
29:20
Ben
Yeah, it's super fast. Is it actually working now? Like have we fixed it?
29:23
Case
Yeah, we got it clicked in.
29:25
Jmike
It's.
29:25
Case
It took a little bit of time, but we got it in there.
29:27
Ben
All right. Well then yeah, let's go get the Alderanians before they get back to their little town and because if they get back to the town, then we've definitely got a face foe. Yeah, and that's not going to be awesome.
29:38
Case
Let's be clear by the way. This. We got this up and running and it will fly and we'll be able to do some stuff, but it does not have enough power to get us out of the system.
29:47
Jmike
Oh lovely.
29:49
Ben
What are we going to do to get that happen?
29:50
Jmike
Well, foe had the other.
29:52
Case
We still gonna have to find some other source of power on this planet. Who has the other hyperdrive that said we. We can use the ship to get to that place of power.
30:01
Ben
Yeah, but what are we gonna do? Well, we do have the guns.
30:03
Case
What about House Tiank?
30:05
Ben
Yeah, didn't they have something?
30:07
Case
Yeah, so don't you know, House Diank, their center of government. That the whole structure, it was a former thing of technology. I don't know if it was a ship or if it was something else, but from your stories it might have been don't you know, a ship. And some of those systems are still online. There's bound to be a source of power there. Moreover, House Fedora was corrupted by Focho, but House Tiank may not have been. We might be able to get alliances then. Or at least get out word to the other Killian Rangers. Huh. So we should free the Alderaanians and then go to Tiank and see if that could be a place to attack from.
30:57
Jmike
Sounds like a plan.
31:00
Ben
Yeah. If nothing else would make a nice distraction while we send a small force in to get the hyperdrive out. The power source for the hyperdrive. Because Halcyon isn't going to just give us their power source.
31:14
Case
That's not going to happen.
31:15
Ben
So we're going to have to convince them to help us overthrow foe.
31:19
Case
Oh yeah. And don't you know, they might think that we are the traitors here if they have heard from House Fed Door. You know the lady of the House was also in league with Fosho,.
31:32
Ben
Right?
31:34
Jmike
Right. Yeah.
31:34
Ben
It's kind of our only move. Or we go. We go up into space and just open an airlock.
31:45
Case
Fellas, if you're gonna have suicidal thoughts. You should. You should consider just doing it by yourself. Because I don't want you dealing with my power source when it's my only chance of having air conditioning anytime in the next hundred years.
31:58
Ben
I do like air conditioning. I would miss it if I was dead. All right, let's do this.
32:02
Jmike
Okay.
32:05
Case
Okie day. Well, let's power up this and make an attack run.
32:10
Ben
Man, wish we had somebody to fly this thing real slow.
32:13
Jmike
I know, right?
32:14
Case
It is an ironic problem here because we cannot go that fast because of our limited power reserves. So I'm not used to flying it that slow. I wish we did have a pilot who was able to fly real slow.
32:27
Ben
I can kind of pilot.
32:28
Addy
I'm not great pilot. Could I. Could I have a swing at it?
32:31
Jmike
No can.
32:32
Case
You are not touching my console.
32:36
Ben
Anything?
32:37
Case
There might be some toys in the back.
32:40
Ben
No, don't touch anything.
32:44
Case
It's okay. I think I have a Rubik's cube back there.
32:47
Ben
Don't eat it.
32:49
Addy
One of my friends said I had a plus three if. If I was ever gonna have a metal bird of my own to pilot. He said I would have a plus three skill in that ability to help it fly.
33:01
Ben
I'm not gonna lie.
33:01
Case
I think a friend is giving these numerical values to things ocd. They have OCD on this planet?
33:07
Ben
I know, right? Like a really great mental health system.
33:11
Case
Finn is raising his hand. It's like, oh yeah. Don't you know the sciences of the mind are very well respected? They're widely taught by our rabbis.
33:19
Jmike
Of course they are places this planet.
33:22
Ben
Yeah. Everywhere else you go. It's like a six month waiting period.
33:27
Jmike
It's crazy. Seems like folk could have used some of that. Yeah.
33:30
Ben
Maybe he wouldn't make a snap judgments, right? Oh yeah.
33:34
Case
Perhaps if he met our most famous of. Of rabbinic scholars. Oh yeah. Don't you know Rabbi Phil?
33:42
Ben
Rabbi Phil?
33:44
Case
Oh yeah. Rabbi Phil. He could easily straighten out Fosho.
33:49
Ben
Really?
33:50
Addy
I'm not. I'm not a big fan of Rabbi Phil. But Rabbi Oprah I think would be the right. Right fit for your friend. Fo sh.
34:01
Ben
I didn't think she was a real rabbi though.
34:03
Jmike
But she gives up free stuff.
34:05
Ben
Oh really?
34:06
Jmike
She does. Let's just go with it.
34:07
Ben
A lot like hyperdrives, power sources. You get a power source. You get a power source.
34:14
Addy
Everybody gets.
34:15
Case
Yeah, but don't you know Rabbi Oz? Don't you know just a little less easily to be trusted? He had such a nice face and seemed to be so. So pure. But don't you know, he just seems to be selling a lot of snake oil.
34:31
Ben
Yeah, yeah, that happens sometimes.
34:34
Addy
I like to trust in our judicial system a little bit more. We have a judge named Judy. She's. She's quite adept at her in her abilities.
34:42
Case
I know. Yeah. Judge Judy is instrumental in shaping our judicial system here.
34:50
Ben
Yeah, she's just pales in such comparison, though, to.
34:54
Jmike
To.
34:55
Ben
To Rabbi Wapner. He was just so much better. He just seemed to have a much better understanding and grip of. Of legal issues.
35:04
Case
Oh, yeah. But who is really?
35:06
Ben
Right? Right. Yeah. That's not a fair comparison.
35:08
Case
It's not. Well, fellas, it's okay. Neither of you so should have to worry about piloting because I am already a crack shot pilot and would do just fine.
35:20
Addy
James, James, would you mind if I watched you drive this here, this metal bird so I could learn?
35:26
Case
Pumpkin, I'm sure there's something nice and shiny back there you go. We'll deal with it. The big boys. We got this. You said. Guys. Fellas, if you said could be dealing with the computer and stimboats, why don't you be working on repairs?
35:39
Jmike
Cool.
35:40
Case
Or vice versa. Whichever you think.
35:42
Addy
Oh, these are some amazing towels.
35:45
Case
Thank you for noticing. Please do not touch them. That collection is going to be priceless. The artist is dead.
35:55
Ben
33 Repair got 20.
35:58
Jmike
I'm going to computer use, and I got 28.
36:00
Case
Nice. Yeah, you guys are having all the systems just, like, going perfectly. Like, every time there's, like a little bit of a glitch in, like, one of like, because, you know, it's a lot of, like, network computer consoles. There's like, here's like a navigational computer and this. Every time there's like any kind of glitch or short out, you're able to reroute power, get it going, and meanwhile, like, you're able to actually code around it so that it's like those things don't crash the system completely. Awesome. And the ship comes to life and takes off. It is moving real slow. It's going maybe 100 miles an hour. It's using. As a result, it's using a lot of power to, like, create lift. In addition, since it doesn't have the virtue of aerodynamics or loft because it's designed for space, but it's able to function.
36:47
Case
And you've got power systems or power weapon systems online. Everything's good to go. And you are coming up on this, like, caravan of people. It's all the Alderaanians and the crew being led away and as you are coming up on it, warning sensors start to go off inside the Susan. And you guys see above you in the sky, a little gleam of light that has, like, a bit of a triangular shape to it. And Slippery Gem is like, punching stuff in desperately into the computer. And he goes. You said guys, Stimboat feathers. Take a look at here. Do you, sir, see what I am seeing?
37:31
Ben
Oh, poop. What do you see? I see a Star Destroyer.
37:38
Case
Issa. Star Destroyer.
37:40
Jmike
You're like, what?
37:41
Ben
See? How come did you believe him? Never mind. We don't have time for that now.
37:46
Case
Slippery Jim tells the truth.
37:48
Addy
Stars.
37:50
Ben
Yes.
37:50
Case
Moving on. Yes. Bumpkin, you. You've got this downright absolutely correct. Now here's the big thing I could. There's already entry from. From Taifetches. They're coming down.
38:02
Ben
Oh, we gotta get out of sight. How far are we from house, Tonk? Oh, no. We're about to get the Alderanians. What do we do? What do we do?
38:11
Addy
What do we do?
38:12
Case
We don't really have the TIE fighters inbound. Full house. Tunk. Looking from these sensors, I think they're. They're pinging onto its power source.
38:20
Jmike
So they don't see us yet?
38:22
Case
Nope.
38:24
Addy
Can you fellers fly low to the ground and to. To avoid the. The big old bird in the sky?
38:32
Case
Yes. The bumpkin is actually pretty smart about this thing, but we are already doing that because we can't get power. We can't go very high because we don't have enough for liftoff. And we're only moving so fast. So, yeah, theoretically, were a herd of animals or something like that on the radar.
38:49
Ben
All right, let's just. Let's pick up the Alderanians real quick. Slippery Jim, do you think you can navigate us to, like, just ahead of or. Or nearby so that we can, like, open up the bay doors and just take pot shots at the.
39:05
Case
We don't have to open the bay doors. We have working guns here. If I could have each of you, man, a gun.
39:09
Ben
Yeah, that'll work. Yeah.
39:10
Addy
Well, will I be able to use one of these guns?
39:14
Case
Bumpkin, you sit the fuck down.
39:20
Ben
You stare at those towels and think about what you did. Jesus Christ, that was violent. Oh, God, that's great. You seriously have some issues, man.
39:36
Case
So you guys are approaching and you see. Oh, wow, 13 men who are holding this line of Alderaanians and crewmen. So who's gonna try to take the shot at the extra person?
39:52
Ben
J. Mike is.
39:53
Case
Okay, cool. So we'll go back and forth. J Mike, why don't we have you start.
39:57
Jmike
I got 24 first.
39:59
Case
That's a hit. That is a definite hit. You knock down a person. Okay, next up. 10. That's a miss.
40:08
Ben
I'm not good at this, J Mike.
40:12
Jmike
I got a nine.
40:14
Ben
You're worse.
40:14
Case
That's a miss on our first passover. You're not doing so great at getting all the.
40:20
Ben
I'll see your nine and I'll lower it to an eight. Holy shit.
40:25
Case
How low is your attack roll?
40:26
Jmike
Four and a five.
40:28
Ben
Holy.
40:29
Case
Arvis, when you learn how to use a gun, you're gonna be the best goddamn shooter.
40:34
Addy
You guys are trying to hit ants with a. With a sledgehammer seems a little.
40:39
Ben
Shut the fuck up, Arvis. God damn it.
40:44
Addy
You know what, Stembolt, you may want to just sit down for a little bit. You may just have had a little too much fun with my sister.
40:51
Ben
This idiot is taking the one guy who hit something I was hitting.
40:56
Addy
I think the last thing you hit was my sister last night.
41:03
Ben
Damn, that hurt all the way over here.
41:08
Case
I'm fine with this.
41:09
Jmike
You take it. I'm gonna go.
41:12
Addy
So you pull this little thing and it fires it?
41:16
Case
Yeah. Bumpkin, make sure you do that right. I'm not loving this.
41:20
Ben
Don't hit the Alderonians.
41:21
Addy
All right.
41:22
Ben
All right. Let's do this.
41:23
Case
So do a roll, buddy.
41:24
Addy
Oh, 29.
41:26
Ben
Can I use some of those? He does the magic Man. Fantastic palace.
41:34
Case
Give me a roll.
41:38
Ben
9.
41:39
Jmike
You took the wrong person, genius.
41:42
Ben
You are an idiot. Are you sure you're role playing this character,.
41:49
Case
Bumpkin?
41:50
Addy
25.
41:52
Case
That's a hit.
41:54
Ben
Embarrassing.
41:57
Jmike
Yes.
42:01
Ben
10. I'm going back up, guys.
42:04
Case
Still a miss, unfortunately.
42:06
Ben
I'm getting closer. How have they not like grabbed an Alderani and hit behind him yet? Because I've shot six times and they're just like this idiot.
42:20
Case
Yo, Bumpkin, give me another shot.
42:24
Addy
26.
42:26
Jmike
Holy. Oh my God.
42:30
Ben
Shotting everybody.
42:32
Case
This is gonna become a like a trade off miss.
42:36
Addy
This seems.
42:36
Ben
Oh, come on. 10. Still not quite there.
42:42
Jmike
Oh.
42:44
Addy
22.
42:49
Jmike
Sucks.
42:50
Ben
It sucks so bad. Why are you so good at this?
42:54
Addy
I. I don't know. It seems like I was naturally born to do this kind of thing. Does this mean I'll be able to try pilot? Try flying the ship at some point?
43:04
Ben
No, it does not. 23.
43:07
Jmike
Oh, he got a hit.
43:08
Addy
Yay.
43:10
Case
That is a hit.
43:11
Ben
I killed one, guys.
43:16
Case
Okay.
43:17
Addy
25.
43:18
Case
The ship circles around and you make another strafing run.
43:21
Ben
20.
43:22
Case
That is a hit as well.
43:24
Ben
That's three we got three more. I'm halfway there. Should take us another hour of role playing.
43:30
Case
His successful raid is actually cleared the well past the halfway. You actually only have to kill two more.
43:35
Ben
Oh, good. Now he's killing my guys too.
43:38
Addy
Yep, I got a natural 20.
43:44
Case
Your OCD friend has a weird way of crossifying these things.
43:49
Ben
Yeah, it's good for him. 20.
43:53
Case
That is a hit as well.
43:54
Ben
There's our 10.
43:55
Case
That was it.
43:58
Jmike
Yeah. You guys killed all the guys.
44:00
Ben
Well, he did most of the work.
44:02
Case
I know you guys freed the elder audience and the crew, and so you're actually able to, like, man up the ship. So now like, everyone connect or, like, there could be, like, designated people on guns and also in computer repairs. Yeah, and also they can arm you if they want to drop you off to, like, get inside House Diank. Okay.
44:20
Ben
All right, well, now that we have all the Alderaanians safely on board, let's go get us a power source. Right?
44:26
Case
That's the plan. Okie day. And he powers up and, like, goes on towards House Tiank. Okay, as you guys approach, it's. There's fire everywhere.
44:40
Jmike
Oh, this is not good.
44:42
Case
TIE fighters have peppered the ground with. With shots. There's death everywhere. At the low altitude that you're flying at, you're coming directly over these people who. You just see faces you've seen already wounded. You pass that village on your way there. It's up in smoke. You see a bunch of dead land nox in the fields, and they're in flames as well. It's just destruction everywhere. As you approach the house itself, though the actual. Not the built up town around it's intact. It looks like its power is flickering a little bit, but you can still see when it flickers, the force shield around it. The tower itself is protected.
45:27
Ben
Well, the power source is still working.
45:31
Jmike
That's good to know.
45:32
Case
Oh, yeah, the house's power will do that sometimes, but it recharges through some sort of energy source, don't you know?
45:40
Jmike
Huh.
45:42
Ben
Well, let's go see what we can find. Do you ever notice just how amazingly accurate TIE fighters are and just how amazingly inaccurate Stormtroopers are? Kind of balances it out, really does.
45:55
Case
Yeah, they're very much like the Protoss of this scenario.
46:03
Ben
I recognize that reference.
46:07
Case
Don't you know that? You know, in the. In the whole balancing of things, it's. It's the only way it works.
46:15
Ben
It's as if he could balance the universe with a snap of the fingers. Let's. Let's Land this bad boy and. And see what we find.
46:23
Case
Okie day. We'll keep our guns aimed at the sky in case any TIE fighters come back. Yeah, but you guys going in. Okay, that's.
46:31
Jmike
Armor up, please.
46:32
Ben
Oh, yeah. Get guns. Getting guns.
46:35
Case
Yeah. You guys grab guns and vibroblades.
46:37
Ben
Yep.
46:37
Jmike
Yay.
46:39
Case
And you. You head out into the town like the. It's again. There's a lot of like fire. You hear people screaming and like trying to like save themselves. There's like a community effort to. To sort of get people out of houses that are on fire. And as you approach the house, you see approaching you Griff's cousin Rook. And he's like stumbling about. He's like clearly in shock. Where's Grif? Where's my cousin? He will. He will save us.
47:18
Ben
We should probably tell him. Let's let Finn tell him.
47:20
Jmike
Yeah. Finn, this is all you, buddy. Oh yeah.
47:23
Case
Don't you know Griff? He. He fell in battle. And don't you just know it?
47:31
Jmike
He.
47:32
Case
He was risen as a. As a war thing. Some sort of gore forged being that just exists to serve the dark one who has returned and corrupted fo sho. Oh yeah, it's a. It's a true. I'm by the way, not hu. Flung dung. I know we probably look alike to you guys. I understand how these things are to primitive people like you, but I actually have five working brain cells and so here's the deal. The situation's bad if we. We need the power source from your ship. Actually kind of impressive from now that I'm looking at it, considering how old I figured that you came from good stock. Okay, so we're gonna need the power source from that ship and you to use it to activate the.
48:33
Case
Our ship so that we can evacuate as much people as possible and prevent the Empire from raining down more destruction upon you all.
48:43
Jmike
Well,.
48:45
Case
Finn, if. If Griff has. Has fallen and. And the Dark One's returned, I will aid you with what you. With what you need. And he takes his signet ring off and puts it in Finn's hand as he passes out. And then. No sooner has he done that than you hear the sound of rockets as an Imperial transport descends down on the ground only a few hundred meters away from you.
49:24
Ben
We should go. We're not gonna be able to.
49:28
Case
Walking out of it once it lands is a garrison of stormtroopers.
49:35
Jmike
You there.
49:36
Case
Hands up. Don't move. And with that, we're going to end the session.
49:42
Addy
Well, as these guys figure out what the odds are, don't forget you can catch up on past episodes of the Scruffy Nerf Herders on our website certainpov.com like we mentioned in the episode, of course, if you enjoy Certain Point of View and our other podcasts, Fun and games with Matt and Jeff, another pass with KS Aiken, A Certain Point of View with me and Ben. If you enjoy those and would like to be a part of what we do. Because we right now we do it basically for free. But you know, we'd love to be able to expand what we do. And if you'd like to be a part of expanding what we're doing, you can be a part of that through Patreon.
50:16
Addy
You can find out all about that by going to our website, certainpov.com again that is certainpov.com and until next time, stay Scruffy. My Nerf Herders.
50:31
Jmike
Well, at least we know we make it because they can't hit us.
50:34
Ben
If they were typers, we'd be dead.
50:37
Jmike
We have a great chance of surviving this, guys.
50:39
Ben
I like these odds. It's like Garrison. There's no way they can shoot us.
50:44
Case
In this one scenario. Tell me those odds. Cpov certainpov.com.